I help people just to buy "friendship" :(

[registered]

Well, the title explained it quite well.

 

I like to do things for people simply so they will like me. It's kind of pathetic, but my logic is that I'd rather have people like me for kissing a rs* (and let them walk all over me) than have no one like we at all.

 

Now, I don't know if I can stop doing this...I'd like to, but it seems kind of masochistic to do so because it would reduce the number of people who bother with me greatly.

I do it as a last resort and I think that I probably have to just to have people bother with me.

 

It's not like I am being fake, I really like to do this and it is just who I am (I can see when people are taking advantage of me and I there is no chance this can happen, I am always in control).

 

The reason I'm bringing this up is because for some time I have been clinging onto a sliver of hope that one person liked me for me (the one person in the world who spoke to me and seemed to enjoy doing so). But of course I did a lot for them and always made myself available for help if they wanted it...I went far and beyond the call of duty too.

Today that person kind of showed me that they aren't really interested in me (though at one stage they were I think)... they are simply interested in the things I give.

 

I think that I shouldn't have to try to make people like me, but what if that is the only way?

And so I wonder... what are everybody's thoughts on this? Should I refrain from doing things for people just to make them like me altogether?

If I stop it what am I supposed to do?

 

This post seems a little empty, if you would like to know more just ask me and I'll happily respond.

 

Thanks in advance and Happy New Year.

[Relationship Coach]

Think of it a different way. Sometimes by not helping them, you are helping them more.

[win]

Think of it a different way. Sometimes by not helping them, you are helping them more.

quote for truth

[registered]

Do you mean by reducing the likelihood that they will want to know me? I'm sure that would help a lot of people lol.

 

I guess you mean that they need to learn to not rely on other people? That is true.

[Relationship Coach]

You catch on fast grasshopper.

 

Look at it this way, if you had to move from one flat to another, who would help you?

 

It's one thing to be a good guy by helping out but it's another thing to be a friend. Friend's reciprocate friendship and help each other. Anything else is volunteered labor.

[registered]

Thanks for that RC, I guess I just need to snap out of it and maybe then I would find someone I'd consider a friend... this might be apart of why that hasn't happened.

 

It gets kind of lonely though and so knowing that I would be doing what is right is little consolation hehe. But I guess it is better in the long run and will save me pain later on.

I'll see anyway, your point of view is something I hadn't thought of and so maybe it will allow me to make some progress with this.

 

Thanks again.

[ocrob]

I think it is great that you like helping people, but you need to do it for the right reasons as well. If it truly gives you pleasure, then you should do it, but do it on your terms. It seems that when you are too giving, it is human nature for the other person to take advantage of you and take you for granted. Happy New Year.

[Relationship Coach]

Remember this, we are all friends here. We have a bond and a common reason for being here. We like to help each other and we are honest with each other in our opinions and the advice that we give. We share in our sorrows and celebrate our triumphs. Happy New Year, my friend.

[registered]

ocrob: Thanks I agree....few people would refuse it I guess.

I do do it simply to make people like me and that isn't right. I need to do it for the right reasons as you say and they will be happier and so will I.

 

RC:

Happy New Year.

[Relationship Coach]

See even your Avatar is distorted! LOL!

[lovecrazy]

I am sorry that you feel you have to buy this person things to get them to like you! That person is just selfish, un-kind and a loser.

 

You must have a kind heart to try something like that.

 

Why not try just befriending someone, and be nice to them, and not buy them anything. If you are nice to people, and its pretty easy to make friends

[registered]

Why not try just befriending someone, and be nice to them, and not buy them anything. If you are nice to people, and its pretty easy to make friends

Yep I can only try. Thanks for the encouragement (I'll have to hold off on the belief that it is easy to make friends until that can be proven so, lol, because nearly two decades of trying hasn't shown it to be true so far for me...I'm still hopeful though

 

(I wasn't specifically referring to buying gifts, but instead to anything that "buys" their friendship, gifts included though lol).

[registered]

First of all it doesn't work. The people who will hover around you the most will be users and takers. They'll swarm to you like bees to honey.

 

Secondly, you'll grow resentful and bitter because you'll find out that these friendships are based upon something else.

You are right.

It's always done what I wanted it to and that was make people at least pretend to like me, but it never really made me happy, just a little less unhappy for a brief moment.

So I shouldn't do it. I will try not to anymore I guess because I need something more than such "friendship".

 

edit: thanks for your reply.

[justlookin]

This subject really hits a nerve for me,and I will have to agree with the others .I tried to help people the same way ,for like 10 yrs and I really thought that these people we,re my friends,All I really wanted was to know that they would be there for me when I had my hard times.Well guess what!! When I just needed someone for moral support,they all and I mean "all of them"turned thier backs on me and said they did not have time.It was like the saltshaker full of the help that I had given was full and when I asked for one grain of salt back it was not there for me,and these we're church people and pastors.One of the pastors that I thought was my good friend and I stood up for and backed up many times. I spent 1000 of hours helping him He could not even drive to my house and talk with me for 1 hr in my darkest hr.He said he did not have time!!!He said he had more important things to do.So my friend from experience if you want to help someone,it is better to help people who really need it.Not the ones that want it!!there is a "difference".I am still trying to recover from the bitterness of betrayal that I feel and I would not wish these feelings on my worst enemy.Just thought I would put my 2 cents in!!!!

[Mun]

You are more likely to get appreciation and friendship from someone that asks for your help than from someone you give things to without asking. So, keep that in mind too.

[registered]

That is a tough story justlookin...thankyou for sharing it and your advice with me, it means a lot to me.

 

 

Thanks Mun, you're right. Sigh.

[darkblue]

People can and will like you, for you.

Stop trying so hard to please and be yourself. You have made numerous friends on this thread by simply being yourself. You can do that in real life, too.