Splitting up stuff

[LostInMyThoughts]

I'm really angry right now.

 

I had to talk with my ex-wife about some various money matters; when she called I tried to be friendly. After a bit she told me she was planning on taking the coffee table and end table.

 

We had already split up the stuff two weekends ago--it was a total nightmare and I know I acted like a jerk. During that time she said she didn't want the coffee table or the end table because she had no use for it.

 

Now she's changed her mind; and it got me upset. I don't want to let her have it.

 

She did buy those things, but she did say she didn't want them. I think she only wants them because she feels like she didn't end up with her "fair" share.

 

We've already filed the divorce paper work with the courts declining spousal support or court divison of the property, so I don't believe she has any legal ground to stand on.

 

I'm not sure what to do.

[brando]

I wish i had an answer for you, i don't. I gave my ex all the furninture in the house. It was nothing great or expensive, but i could not be bothered with going over what to take and what to give vice versa. I have no regrets, its furniture. I did get my stereo, and my tools, so i was pretty happy. I am still buying furniture, just because it doesnt matter to me if i have it or not.

 

I talked to others who were divorced while i was going through mine, and they told me to try to split things 50 50, dont give anything too her, especially if u think it will get her back. In your case i dont think this applys.

 

I guess i can only suggest to determine what your really angry about, is it about her indecisiveness?? Or the furniture she wants??

 

Best of luck to you. It is a painful experience for both parties. Take some time, get to know yourself again. Everything will work out in the end.

 

be well,

Brando

[shes2smart]

If you want to get hung up on stuff and draw out an already painful situation, fight her for the tables.

 

If you'd rather get this behind you and regain some serenity and inner peace, realize they're just tables...they're replaceable...and let 'em go. It takes 2 to argue, and if you refuse to get sucked into an argument, it'll die out fast.

 

When people in this type of situation start fighting about stuff, it's usually not really about the stuff. I got to watch something similar play out in both my family & my husband's family when grandparents died....all of a sudden there were family members getting into bitter, heated fights over things. While certain people managed to get certain things, in the end, the real issues were never resolved, and the bitterness over the stuff only created more issues.

[Dako]

That's why shes2smart.

 

I'd give up the tables and take deep breath. Do you want furniture in your living room that reminds you of a battle over them? Let her have those painful reminders. Score 2 points for your side, if you must keep score, then go hit Ikea for tables without bad vibes. Fighting over a pair of tables during a divorce isn't about stuff, it's about feelings, hurt and control.

 

Just today I was dealing with similar things with my stbx. We're working it out without bloodshed.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Thanks everyone, as always, for the suggestions.

 

I guess my reaction was emotionally based, and I'm not sure why I don't want to let her get the coffee tables.

 

She did buy them, but then again she rents out a room from a couple of people and really has no use for them. It's like she only wants them just because she has a claim to it.

 

I know I can go to Ikea and replace them; my ex wanted all the dishes and used the same argument. I said that the dishes were a gift from my friend/neighbor and that she could have 1/2 of them.

 

Part of it is the principle. She is changing her mind, and its bending me out of shape. Today its the coffee table, tomorrow she might want the couch, or want some of the electronics (over my dead body of course).

 

I'm just too bullheaded to give up without a fight. ](*,)

[novaseeker]

Yeah well I would join with the posters who advise to decide whether you want to make a big deal over the furniture, or save yourelf the aggravation and just give it to her. I'm all for sticking up for what's yours in these situations, but there are some things where it really isn't worth the bother ... you just have to decide whether these things are worth the aggravation of getting into a heated dispute with her about them.