Girlfriend's Ex-husband

[lostcog]

Okay here is the situation, please let me know if I am over reacting.

 

About three months ago I began dating this woman. She was the ex-wife of a former co-worker and had been divorced for a little over a year. It wasn't something I went looking for, it just happened over the course of our mostly online friendship.

 

Lately things have been getting serious but I have been having difficulty dealing with the fact that she still sees her ex-husband regularly (about once every week or two) and they talk on the phone regularly. At first it did not really bother me but now that it has been getting serious I have been feeling a bit jealous and uneasy about their contact.

 

One specific night has been bothering me a lot lately. I had just found out that my grandmother had her second stroke in a month and was not likely to last the week. I was understandably depressed and she came over and went with me to the hospital (her idea). She then left to go meet her ex-husband and some friends to celebrate his birthday. She told me to call her at any time if I needed to talk. I then went to spend some time with the family. Much later that night after I was done with the family I decided to stop by her house because I was feeling a little down. When I got there her ex-husband's car was in the driveway so I went home. Later I tried calling her but she did not answer her phone, but she called me back at 1:00am.

 

At this point I felt pretty betrayed not only because she did not answer the phone when she told me I could call, but she was also alone at her house with her ex.

 

She also had recently half jokingly asked for a night off from seeing me. She swears it was only a joke but I am not so sure. She also steadfastly swears that nothing is going on, that she loves me and that I am overreacting.

 

Her words and actions tell different stories and I am fairly confused. Am I overreacting?

[Beec]

There's no way to tell you that.

 

It seems to me that this is an issue of trust and security, and it being her ex is not the real question. Her acting like this with any man might raise my suspicions.

 

How to deal with it is the real question. If you are serious, then you don't jsut want to break it off. So, what I would do is let her know that she is the one who needs to make you comfortable with things, she needs to make you feel secure. If she does, great, if not, oh well. And that's about what I would tell her.

[Jut]

IN a relaxed manner i would have an honest conversation about what happened and how or why i percieve this is not correct. Whether she lies or tells the truth or in other words whether she is interested or cheating would be easy to find out by the way she replies.

Once you are at that point i think its pretty much on to you. How you define this relationship should be and what you expect.

[PocoDiablo]

You HAVE to be kidding me. She left you and your dying grandmother to go to a birthday party? And then you saw her ex's car in her driveway at 1:00 am?

 

PLEASE.

 

You posted this because your gut is screaming "She's cheating!!!" and you know it.

 

I'd SO dump her on the spot. If she cared about you like she says, she would never have left your side in a time of need, and she'd NEVER have her ex over at 1:00 am. If you have to talk to her, about why you are dumping her, be calm and polite and tell her it's because she has shown you great disrespect. Cite the appropriate evidence, and tell her "Good bye and good luck." And walk with your head up high.

 

No way. No how. Not possible. Your trust is gone, obviously, and with good reason.

 

My fiance has ex's. She'd never pull a move like either of those - it's disrespectful and un-loyal.

[justlookin]

Ya I was in a simular situation,and I can relate to your curiosity.I learned actions speak louder then words.If you and her are serious,I think she has no business having her x at her house.(specially on his birthday)Just my opinion.Since it is too late for you to know for sure if something was going on when you drove by.I would ask her why she did not answer the phone when you called,especially since she said she would.I do not think you are overeacting but undereacting.I would of stopped at her house when I drove by and saw his car there and see what was going on for myself.Sometimes we do not want to know the truth,if this is true about what you are saying she seems very unsensitive.