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Girlfriend "friendly" with her ex, what to do?


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I have been in a relationship with a woman for the past 4 months. I have known and worked with her for the past 3 years. She is admittedly bi-sexual, loving a person for that person and not for anatomy. I am deeply in love with her and she has told me she loves me as well. We have even mentioned marriage. I know we have moved very fast, I practically have lived with her since the first week of our "getting together." Now she is moving in with me this weekend, in order to help her save money and pay off debt as we both plan on moving to a new state very soon (within the next two to three months).


She has had rocky relationships in the past (with both men and women) and has told me that she regretted the way she has treated people in her past relationships. With the holiday season, exes have been coming out of the woodwork to contact her. I am fine with this, as I know she will never cheat on me. There is one contact that is bothering me though. Recently (within the past 3 days) a woman whom she had a two-year relationship with but broke up with over a year ago has contacted her. She has been very happy about this as she sees it as a chance to reconcile past wrongs. She has also told me she still has feelings for her and the ex has said the same. This is very painful for me to hear. They have been talking by phone and e-mailing over the past couple of days. My girlfriend says that they are just going to try and be friends for now and see how things go. I am torn up because I do not want to lose my girlfriend. I am now going by the adage that exes are exes for a reason and that the most this will become is a friendship and if I'm lucky the old reasons they broke up will rear their heads.


I'm afraid that we are around each other so much (work and home) that she doesn't have a chance to "miss" me and realize how much she truly loves me over this person from her past. Living separately right now is a non-possibility at least for the next month or two. I trust her not to cheat but am I just waiting around to see where this thing with the ex goes and acting as a "fallback relationship" in case things don't re-spark with the ex or am I safe in feeling that she will realize that I am the one for her?

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If she respects and loves you, she'd cut the ties if you've told her it bothers you. Have you told her?


If not, she has no reason to act differently. If I were you, I would simply say "I know you care for your friend, but she is in a position that I feel can make you disrespect our relationship. I would never tell you not to talk to her, but keep in mind that it can only harm our bond."


If she continues, tell her you need to wait before you move in together. It's a bad sign, and if you get stuck with her for financial reasons, it's going to be VERY tough to break up. Trust me, I've been there. If you can't pay rent, you can't kick her out.

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