Need advice - From crush to friend

[unicornq]

As my emotions are driving me nearly crazy, your advice is much appreciated.

 

To make a long story short: So I admitted there's just way too slim chance for any romantic possibility between me and my crush. I gave her a little gift during the last time I saw her, she said "keep in touch." (I wonder if she meant it because that's what most people say when they part ways and they lose contact afterwards.)

 

My original plan was never to see her again. But naughty fate has played a trick and circumstances required me to go to her office room in the following week for some official matter. On that day, I gave her a x'mas card (with no personalized message). As I turn to go, she striked up a conversation by asking some questions about me. We had a very good chat.

 

Since we had such a nice chat last time, I'd really like to keep in contact and be friends with her. The problem is: I have a hard time switching those romantic feelings to friendly care. I have her email and office phone no. but I just don't know what to do. I really want to send her an email but hesitated because I wonder if this will be too soon to do it? And there's always the fear of no reply or appearing like I'm after her.

 

On one hand, I'm afraid that I'll lose her forever. On the other hand, I find it difficult to continue the friendship. I've never felt so confused before with just sending an email.

 

Sorry this sounds confusing... I tried my best to express this... I'd appreciate your advice very much. Thanks.

[UT]

Well, I don't think there is much you can do about your feelings. Why do you try to plague yourself by trying to just be a friend? You won't feel good. You can't turn you emotions into something else. You can only keep them, either distracted or you can give in to them. I know that you can be her friend but you will probably lie awake thinking about her after a girl’s night out. Wonder if her gentle touch earlier was some kind of invite. Did she want me or was she just being silly or was she just friendly? It will grow and become a problem.

[novaseeker]

I kind of agree with UT on this. It may be hard for you to be close to her for a while until you get past the "crush". At the moment, being around her is going to be hard for the reasons UT points out.

[Tigris]

I agree with the previous posters, because that's exactly what happened to me. It was very difficult at first but then someone special came into my life and took the attention away from her.

[Cadence308]

I was in a similar situation. Is there any way that you could just send her a short email telling her that you enjoyed the conversation that transpired between the 2 of you last time you spoke with her and you wanted to know if she would be interested in meeting for coffee some time?

 

I used email to email the person that I had developed romantic feelings for. She had expressed interest in yoga and I used to teach yoga classes. I had been missing my conversations and interactions with her and so I emailed her and told her that I was planning on going to a yoga class the following week and she had expressed interest in trying yoga and I just asked her if she was interested in meeting up with me. I told her that it would be free, as I had some guest passes to my gym. She emailed me back within a few hours and said that would be fun and we scheduled a time to meet through email.

 

Anyway, email can be safe because you don't have to face the person if they reject your invitation. Sometimes it's vocally hard to say what you want to over the phone or in person. I would just send a short, casual email, inviting her to do something casual and take it from there.

 

GL and keep us posted!

[Prufrock06]

unicornq,

 

I'm in a similar situation right now with a new friend I made that I have a crush on. Of course, I'm a bit farther along in the process than you are -- we see each other and hang out on a regular basis -- but sometimes our relationship can be frustrating (probably just on my part, since I'm the one with the crush) in the sense that I have these feelings for him that go beyond those I have with my other friends. So on the one hand, I'm tempted to agree with the other posters in that you should avoid this treacherous situation because it will be emotionally frustrating. And to a degree, I agree with them. But at the same time, I feel like these "crush" feelings that are so strong at the ouset get less difficult to deal with the more time I spend around this guy -- which probably sounds hard to believe. Maybe I just recognize the hopelessness of the situation (that I'm gay and he's probably not) and realize that I've made a new good friend so that I learn to turn off these feelings, or at least put them on mute when we're together. Of course, that process in itself is very difficult and stressful, but what you decide to do should ultimately depend on how well you feel you can handle your emotions around this girl. Maybe embracing the idea that things would likely never work out between you and your crush might help to put these "crush" feelings to rest and instead help you become willing to accept a new friendship?

[unicornq]

Guys and girls, thanks a lot for your advice. I really appreciate it. You have given me insights on both sides of the issue.

 

While I agree that it's difficult to get on with the friendship if I haven't get over the crush stage completely. But I'd like to take this as a challenge because I don't want to handle the situation with avoidance, and I really want to keep this brilliant friend.

 

I surely hope someday I'll be able to see her as a friend and catch up with each other over coffee from time to time. I'm getting there.