Boyfriend Has Had Mutliple Affairs - Need Help

[Sadmoop]

Gosh.....I am going through something as painful. I found this site tonight after pure desperation to reach out and find out what is normal and some kind of ..............Oh! I dunno answers! I am so tired right now to get into the details.........but, it has helped some part of me to read all of this. In the two affairs that my long term boyfriend has had on me and is about to have on me again after claiming he wants to sleep with other women and I should accept it......well, I have never contacted any of these women.....and they all knew I exsisted. My situation is complex and complicated and I feel like an idiot for staying but, I also 'love him'......but, as time goes on I am destroying every part of myself.........I was told on Chritmas Eve that my other half wants to sleep with other women...first time he has been honest but, I forced the issue and found texts and blah blah blah.....I am faced with a discision to put up with this or walk away............It is horrible. I am lucky that I am not married and there are no children involved and I do not plan this. But, it hurts still the same.....and when I read these posts there is a little sunshine that I am not crazy.........

[Beec]

Sadmoop, if he tells you to just accept it, then it will never change. He seems like he is walking all over you. You don't do that to people you really love. You need to summon up your self-respect and kick him to the curb.

[RayKay]

Sadmoop, I think you should consider posting your own topic. I won't remove it right now, as it is in answer to her post, but I think you maybe deserve your own topic.

 

I have to say, I wish I could give you a loving kick in the butt right now! Why in the world are you staying with someone whom has had two long term affairs, TELLS you he wants to sleep with others and is indeed planning it? I know your heart hurts to think of leaving, but sweetie, I know it is hard for you to imagine now, but this is not love honey. This is NOT what love is about. There is no way on earth any man that loves and respects you would be doing this to you. And while you may feel intensely for him, it's not love...because part of loving someone is loving yourself first. And allowing yourself to stay with this man and be hurt this way, is NOT loving yourself.

 

It is not a decision of putting up with it or walking away, it's a decision about loving yourself first. You do NOT need him. He certainly does NOT deserve you.

 

Sweetie, he is NOT going to change. He is walking all over you, and he knows he can, because you will be there. Don't be a doormat. Have self respect. Learn to love yourself, be strong and proud, and trust me, love will come into your life that cherishes that, that allows you to be a whole person. Do you truly want to spend the rest of your life like this? Is this what you believe love and happiness are???

 

This relationship is costing you too much, it's costing your own self esteem, self love, your own sense of value. And sweetie, that cost is TOO great for what you are getting back.

[Sadmoop]

I might post my own topic........I just am sick of hearing myself go on and on and on......I know what I should do.........I will try tonight after I tuck myself into bed with the laptop and share my experience on this subject. It long and painful and I am sure everyone is just going to tell me to just respect myself and move on.........right now I am just being the weak pathetic one..........all the power is in his hands and I am clasping onto anything and I am being so weak weak weak..........I can't make a step .....I can't think about it..........I am just overwhelmed, hurt and so low.....I am calling him.......texting him.........doing everything aprt from throw myself down to his feet and beg for it not to be this way...........I know I know I know........it is a terrible state to be in..........two years ago around the same time I was in this state and ended up in hospital from not eatting and going into so much stress I went into a diabetic seizure.....I was intensive care for a week..........I am scared I am slipping this way again.

 

I will try and share soon.......

 

Thank you

[RayKay]

Sadmoop....

 

You are doing something, you are dealing with the situation at hand....you are talking about it here, and that IS a step, okay?

 

Absolutely make sure you eat, and take care of yourself. You have a choice to take care of yourself, especially being diabetic you cannot afford not to.

 

People here may tell you to respect yourself (I sure will!) but they only mean well by it because they care...trust me, you are not first to be in such a situation and won't be the last...but hopefully for the people whom come after you, you will be able to tell them it gets better, and you get stronger.

 

You do have to make a choice honey, to stand up for yourself, respect yourself and move on. Would you want a sister of yours, your best friend, or your mother, or your future (or current?) children to be in the situation you are in? Probably not right, so why is it okay for you? It's NOT!

 

You WILL be fine, but you have to start moving on, and starting here is a good one, to get some support and strength.

 

I am going to move your post now for you to a new topic on the front page okay, and start the post for you...you can add to it from there. Feel free to change the title too, I will just make something up for now

 

RayKay

[darkblue]

First things first.

Get your own self-destructive habits gone. Make sure you eat, (attempt to) sleep and talk to us.

 

You are not crazy. You just happen to be unfortunate enough to care for someone who has no consideration as to how he is affecting you.

 

Do not throw yourself at his feet, please. You deserve better than that.

 

Do you live with him?

Is it a long-term relationship?

Are you financially secure?

 

Keep talking to us.

Take care.

[yeawutever]

Yea, also agree with wut darkblue just say, but the first step I would do if I were u would be throwing him where u really belongs, right to the curb and then get back my life, stop all wut ur doing now, eat and sleep well. Why worry about someone who has no reppect nor concern for ur health and is even considering to proceed sleeping around. I dunno, why could u tolerate this, throw him already.

[annieo]

Reaching out is the first step. You know deep down that this isn't love. You deserve so much more. Someone who will care for you not someone who obviously cares only about themselves. Think of it this way- if this was a friend of yours is this what you would want for her? Be your own best friend. Take care of yourself. Be strong enough to know that you deserve better. You aren't married so say goodbye, and work on making yourself happy. When you learn to love yourself you will find someone who will love you the way you deserve. You are worthy of so much more! Be strong and take care.

[Sadmoop]

Such nice words.......So brutally honest all of you. Of course this is everything I know.....I guess I have said almost all these things for a long time in my head every minute of the day. A couple of associates have said the same. One of my friends gets so angry and just tells me to not talk to her about it. She loves me and can't stand it. Very harsh girl from up North In England. She tries hard to listen to me and undertsand but, she cannot.I feel like an idiot a real fool.I have said this to myself for a long time. I started seeing a very good shrink about three weeks ago and I was referred to her by my lawyer as I am also going through a very difficult court case right now. It helps me. Since Christmas Eve I have not locked myself away.......I have managed work........a little painting.......and trying to do something social....Two years ago....I had my mother, a lovely gay man and my Japanese girlfriend to talk to all hours of the night on the phone........but, I was more hysterical.I can't listen to myself talk to anyone I know now. I just can't hear myself anymore. I am also not so out of control.......which is either a good sign or I am just dead to it all....

 

But, I am still so desperate.........I am still so...... .unsure.......I am doing ridiculous things like checking all the posting groups he is on to make sure he is not running around sleeping with anyone. I have called him.......even though I really want to give him and me space. I am now calling these women and hanging up. All of them......the two he may of slept with or wants to......the two he had affairs with before..............its stupid.

 

I see my desires for life slipping.......it disgusts me. I am a 35 year old woman where I feel all my mistakes in life are coming back to kick me. he has drummed this in me.I do not live with him. He is 8 years younger than me. I understand where he is coming from.....I have had a very strange and unusual life........I told him everything about my past and he just blames me for everything. But, there is love...............he cried the whole Christmas with me.....if he was not coldly telling me I am a * * * * up and I deserve it .,...he was telling me that he loves me so much and always does.....I do not understand him......I am not a real woman..........I should love him and realize the life I have had and the sheltered one he has had. he tells me people can live like this. I know we can't.......we are both volitile.

 

I hate the women from before who knew I exisited.......I think they have * * * *ed him up even more with what they have allowed.........he lied to them for so long and then eventually the found out and accepted it.....one of them would always ask how I was? It was awful to read these emails. i could not believe what I was reading. I could not understand it. I think I could never be with a man with a girlfriend or a wife or a lover......maybe a moment or two........but, I just could not.I am not perfect..........I am not an angel...........I am sure whoever he has feeling for right now do not know about me........so for now I cannot hate them.......

 

I am blabbering on.......and still spying on him.......

 

Like I said our situation has been complicated.......and becuase we both have not dealt with serious issues during our relationship we have got ourselves into a mess. He is not happy..........I know that.......i can see it.....I mean a man who can just collapse and tell me how much he loves me but, he has these strong feelings of what he has to do with his life as a young man..........

 

I am exhausted......Luckily I can't go home as I am working and will not probably be home until saturday........but, I have the nights alone......he is in my apartment very sick..........because my home is cozy......and he likes being there.......and I do not mind.........this is someone I have loved for years and whatever happens I will probably leave this relationship sad and still loving him.and that is hard because I do not hate him.......i am just so confused and hurt and just unsure of everything in my mind, body and soul heart............everything......](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,)

[Tigris]

Your relationship with him is never going to get any better. My advice is that you finish with him and find someone who'll treat you right.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Mun]

Hi there,

Spying on him and checking up on him constantly is no way to live. You know this.

 

You don't deserve to be cheated on, you don't have to accept it, no matter what kind of past you had. It's very unfair of him to blame you for it too, he was not there at that time in your life, he should have no say in it. He can have an opinion, but you should not let him make you feel bad for it. He is knocking down your self-worth everytime he blames you for the past...until you believe that you deserve what you get. This is wrong.

 

If he feels that being with these other women is something he has to do because of his age ( that's what I think you said) then perhaps you should let him go from your life. He is not happy and I don't know if you'd want to keep someone around that is not happy and will make you miserable too. Sometimes we love a person, but they are all wrong for us, or it's the wrong time for "us."

 

He certainly doesn't sound as thought he will change his ways. It's up to you to decide when you have had enough.

 

Your love is valuable, don't throw it away on someone who treats it like garbage.

[miracle29]

Sweetheart the only real help you need is for someone to tell you which side of the Suitcase you need to place the Shampoo. Get out and get out fast. This guy is a womanizer and if a man ever told me "yeah i Get around accept it" I'd be on the first flight to "Kiss my * * * * * ville". Don't ever comprimise your dignity just to avoid being alone for a while. If this guy likes to get around just imagine whats going to happen if you sacrifice what you know to be right just to stay with him, imagine all the S.T.D.s he may bring you. Is losing your health and your dignity worth it. I think the answer is no. He's a player and you can still win here if you play a card he's not expecting. Its called the "i'm moving on" card.

 

Good luck, i hope you don't settle for this scum bag.

[darkblue]

I'm sorry for being harsh, sadmoop - but could you please take off those rose-tinted glasses for about 2 minutes to read this, and the other replies.

 

You should not have to spy on him - but that is what he has pushed you to.

He is sleeping with other women while in a relationship. He has lied, and he has hurt you.

You do not deserve that.

 

You deserve to be in a monogamous relationship with someone. Built on trust and love.

 

I'm glad you are seeking help and I hope you can find some sort of peace - without him.

You simply must cut this man out of your life - once and for all.

 

I'm here if you want to talk.

[BellaDonna]

I agree with what all of the other posters said. You have to let him go.

 

He says he "loves" you- yet he tell you that you must deal with him sleeping with other women? Come on. If he truly loved you then he would not be HURTING you this way.

 

He is 8 years younger than me.

 

 

he is in my apartment very sick..........because my home is cozy......and he likes being there.

It sounds like you take care of him, almost in a motherly way. He's taking advantage of the fact that you're so caring and nurturing toward him. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He's keeping you on the back burner....and walking on you. He sees you hurt by his words and actions, and continues to act this way. In my opinion, that's not love.

 

You deserve happiness. You deserve someone to love you for who you are, past, present, and furutre- and who think you are all they need in thier life.

 

This guy will never change. If you stay with him despite all of these red flags, you are guarenteed unhappiness, and even a possible risk to your physical health with STD's, let alone to damage it has done, and will continue to do, to your emotional health.

 

You have to love yourself more...enough to get the strength to end it, and then put strict "no contact" with him into full force.

 

BellaDonna

[lovecrazy]

Darling-

 

You are a beauitful women! I say that because you came here to look for advice. that is the first step in the healing proccess.

 

In my opinon, he doesn't deserve you. You are a WOMEN! A lady! You are to be treated like a queen. This so called "man" isnt a MAN! HE is actling like a boy!

 

You should be with someone who treats you like a queen, who respects you. For him to tell you to "get over it" shows he has no respect for you. He claims that he loves you. But if he loves you he wouldnt be doing this to you. He is young and stupid.

 

Let me share a little story. My father (RIP) was married 10 times. He was a "womanizer" he cheated on every women, he ever "was in love with" and he didnt change. He was 50 years old when he passed away. My mother was wife #9 and they were together for 13 years. The pain I saw her in. It broke my heart, if you stay with this man it will be nothing but heartache. Maybe when he is grown up, you can have a relationship with him.

 

Please help yourself, and leave him alone. Tell him you can do better. And lock the door. He probably will come crawling back and beg for your forgiveness, but honey...he might do it again. Do you really want to be spending time with someone who will not respect you. Or love you the correct way!

 

You deserve better

 

Please keep us posted.

 

And I apologize if I sound harsh! But you do infact deserve better. Everyone does.

[PocoDiablo]

My take on it? You want a far-out theory? Here's today's wild guess. Enjoy.

------------------------

You want a child so you can mother him. And this is what you have with him. This is a natural instinct for a woman, in my humble opinion, to have a family. The problem is that you started the relationship with him and since he is younger you still see him as a child. However, you also crossed the line of intimacy and had sexual relations with him like a father. So, in essense, you are having sex with your psuedo-child. This is obviously going to cause you a great amount of stress and guilt because you are acting in a way that is unnatural to a mother figure. Mothers do not have sex with their children, it's a genetic reality to ensure diversity and survial of the species.

 

Let's look at some of what you said and see if there are any indicators of this being a *possibilty*

 

I am doing ridiculous things like checking all the posting groups he is on to make sure he is not running around sleeping with anyone.

You are the mother checking up on the child to be sure he is safe. You are having seperation anxiety. The problem is you cannot confront him because you are also his lover. So not only is he seperating from you, but he is cheating on you. This clearly is confusing and does not feel natural.

 

I have called him.......even though I really want to give him and me space.

Just like a mother when her child leaves the house. You want him to be independent but at the same time you harbor stong feelings of love for him as his mother.

 

he cried the whole Christmas with me.....if he was not coldly telling me I am a * * * * up and I deserve it .,...he was telling me that he loves me so much and always does

The child comes to the mother for support and love, which you are giving him. But, just like you are the mother to him, he is the child to you. By sleeping with you, this has also confused him. He wants and needs a mother, he also wants and needs a lover, but they cannot be the same person. The conflict is two-fold, and you are both supporting each other's needs. However, they will come crashing down in time, as he is still young and will soon come to learn that he cannot have both motherly emotional support and a sexual relationship with his mother.

 

I am not a real woman

Actually, I would argue that you are more of a woman than you even know - I would say you are acting in a very NATURAL way, albeit not a normal way. It is natural because this is a very instinctual way to act, you are acting like an animal does in the wild. You are not bound by genetic and societal norms which is causing you great conflict.

 

I should love him and realize the life I have had and the sheltered one he has had. he tells me people can live like this. I know we can't.......we are both volitile.

People cannot live like this for long, that's for sure. Your illnesses are, in my opinion, born of this situation and will continue for as long as you are in an upside-down relatinship like this. You are trying to be controlling, but what I think you need is a more mature father-like figure and to start a family. In time, of course.

 

he is in my apartment very sick..........because my home is cozy......and he likes being there.......and I do not mind

Of course, the mother cares for her child.

 

this is someone I have loved for years and whatever happens I will probably leave this relationship sad and still loving him.and that is hard because I do not hate him.......i am just so confused and hurt and just unsure of everything in my mind, body and soul heart............everything......

I don't think you will ever come to hate him, because you see him as your son.

 

So what to do? Let him go, of course. Set him free into the world to be a man. Except you cannot let him come back to you again. You need to find a real man, a real lover, and make your own family.

 

Is this a possibility? Who knows. Maybe. Maybe not. If not, I apologize. If so, then maybe you've got some thinking to do.

 

Best wishes.

[Bethany]

There are two ways you can go from here, one way is UP and OUT of the hurt he is causing you. And the other is DOWN, Down into more misery, where you will find yourself crawling back to him over and over, where you wil lose ALL self-respect and where he thinks 'this woman is insecure and desperate and I don't need that' and when it gets to that stage, he will walk away anyway.

 

Ask him ' Why do you feel the need to sleep with other women, when you have a woman who loves and cares for you with all her heart? Tell him that it's not acceptable to you and that he hurts you immensely when he sleeps with other women and ask him to stop.

Wait for his reply and then tell him that you need some time to think about his answer, and then you use your gut feeling, your intuition and every instinct you have inside yourself and decide if he is doing all he can to make you happy and doing enough for you to make you stay and put up with his hurting you, his disrespect and thoughtlessness anymore.

 

I personally would walk away from a man who could do that to me, but I am not you. Only you know what he does to your heart and mind and how badly he hurts you, so only you can decide what's best for you but I would say think with your head and not your heart as your heart has already taken as much as it can, from reading your post.

 

If you DO decide to leave him, then do not feel alone. You have everyone on this site and we will support you in everything you do. Good Luck.

[Sadmoop]

He is walking away.........he told me he wants to sleep with other women.......I feel like a lost child.....he seems more of a grown up than me at this point.......he knows we can't stay together.......i am sure he is confused.but, if you say you want to sleep with other women you are saying that you want to walk away.........

 

that is the hard part.....

 

thank you for this advice.........today I am going to try and not call him and not be desperate.......it will be so * * * *ing hard........

 

I am needy, desperate.......I have been worse since the first lot of affairs.......slowly and slowly I have become more vunerable.......I know I make him sick sometimes....I cry.....I shout......I harass him.......I spy.......I am going through this horrific court case from when I was basically held down for four hours in my home and abused by his ex best friend...........he hates my weakness for this and blames me.....it goes on and on and on!

 

 

I gotta get through this working day...........It is hard......

 

the motehr advice is very much something I know....it was good for me to read it so clearly point for point...............right now all my goal of the day is not to call him.........

[wendyrenae]

There Is Sooo Much More To A Relationship Than Sex. When You Stay, You Are Giving Him Permission. It Is Not Acceptable If It Hurts You. We Are All Human, We All Look When We See Something Attractive, But That Does Not Mean We Need To Have Sex With Every Single Person We Want. It Takes A Stronger Person To Say No. I Have Been A Cheater, And When I Destroyed Something Great I Learned My Lesson. I Know It's Hard To Let Go Of People We Care For, But Love Does Not Hurt. If He Said He Wants To Have Sex With Other People, Let Him, And Don't Allow Him To Use You For Whatever It Is. He'll Learn That The Grass Is Not Greener On The Other Side, And You'll Be Rid Of A Disrespectful Person.

[Sadmoop]

well all I can say is that I did not call him.......but, he called me........said he was missing me and was thinking nice thoughts..........I iwll probably see him tomorrow......like I said I am working and will finish tomorrow and have four days off. I felt very sad today. I wish I could let myself feel it......I am in such a state of denial. I need space.....my job almost took me out of town to Disney land for fours days .which I was * * * *ing dreading......and I have always wanted to go.....but I am not in a Minnie Mouse mood right now.......anyway I do need space........I will give more information at some point......hopefully later tonight while I am trying to relax..............I am not sure when but, I want to take off for a few months....back to where I come from.......a few new places......who knows........but, for the immedite fours days I have coming.......i want to paint.............and I am not sure how to deal with all of this............he is still at my place and I feel safe knowing he is there.........I do not know what he is doing tonight......and the dread lurks........but, I will not call him..........although after he called me I did text him and told him I loved him and that e wil see each other soon.....

 

deep down I remember him leaving here in New York and asking him to stay longer and him saying he had work to do....then finding out afew months later he was in bed with a a younger woman 5 hours after being in bed with me.....

 

I just do not want to believe he will do this again right now after all the tears..........but, he has said he loved me and could just switch to another like that........I can't......I had a few flings in the summer.......i could not have sex with them......which caused a problem....I just wanted company.....friendship from a man who does not make me sad.......but, I never really felt strong for them.....I liked the company......but any sexy activity would come after a few martinis and then some........I took a lot of pills last summer and drank way too much.............I was just so distant and unhappy...............i felt homeless because I had rented out my home to him and then something bad happened to me where I kind of live/work...so I could not go anywhere.............I ended up checking myself into hotels.....now I have my home back....

 

God it goes on and on...............

 

I am not hysterical which is different than what it was like last time.......I am thinking ,,,,,,,,,I am feeling..........

 

This board is helping so much......a place to go to.......a place to vent.......a place to hear and put some stuff into perspective......but, does anyone have some hope? i mean did anyone get back together happy......did anything work out? Did some women let there men do what they wanted and were not destroyed???????

 

Am I grasping..........jesus its hard!

 

But, thank you everyone out there.

[PocoDiablo]

I've been in several "open" relationships and they have, without exception, always ended badly. For a variety of reasons I did not recognize at the time I can tell you with absolute certainty that I would never do it again with anyone I loved.

 

Open relationships are often a sign of a diseased relationship, in my experienced opinion.

[Sadmoop]

Yes I know. It is not my way......

It always sounded a recipe for disaster.

How have you had several? I am faced with this now. I know I will walk from this.......eventually.........but, for now I am just so torn up. I can't see myself doing that with someone I loved.......maybe a few people that I did not love......... like Oh! I dunno I do dinner with this one.........weird movies with that one.......whatever with whathisname.......but, I tried haveing men friends last summer....and I think I hurt all of them.......and I could not have sex with any of them.......I could not share that part of me with them...of course I was also involved with my long term boy/man?

 

But, I am curious to how that happens?

 

O.k like my situation I have been told. I will send him a letter soon.......I may post it........then I will ask for his final decision.......then I will walk........or I will try to..

 

 

OoOoOo I sound so big now.........I am sure I iwll be on my knees by tomorrow night crying my eyes out........

 

 

 

I think I am still lying to myself

[novaseeker]

Thing with "open relationships" is that there is always a Plan B. In other words when your relationship craters, he will have a Plan B right there and keep on clicking ... it does not create any environment for commitment and healthy bilateral intimacy. It's a bad idea all around. Better off ... WAY better off ... without that kind of relationship.

[Sadmoop]

To everyone who has given me support here. I will finish work soon and have my first chance to work out in a few days.....which will help tremendously I find. I will go home..........tonight I will attend my art opening for the paintings I did while I was crying my eyes out over Christmas and attend the party where the boyfriend will be doing the music.......I have four days off................I am going to just see what happens for now.......

 

I am going to just really structure myself....so I do business, paint and take care of stuff.............I will keep you posted......I have not sent the letter.

 

he is at my house........I think I should send my letter before I go home.........just to let him know that I am not going to take his decision........what do you think?

 

 

Letter

 

 

I am feeling so much pain right now. I love you so much and have wanted us to be happy for so long. I do not want to loose you.........The thought of loosing you is tearing me apart. And loosing you to have sex with other women is killing me. It is ripping me up. I am not angry.........I am just feeling overwhelmed and incredibly hurt. I feel like I have been stunned........I am in a daze......an awful confused, vulnerable, unstable state.

 

I want us to work things out. I want you to be faithful to me.............But, you have explicitly told me that you want sex with other women. I wonder if you have already or have I forced the issue early enough before this was about to happen.......all over again and crushes me. Do you think we could be together under those circumstances? I think I would be in tears all the time.........I think it would put me over the edge.........if I could live that way........and be a healthy happy person ......I would do it......but, I know I will suffer incredibly and I know how this will be for me.I do not think you want me to see me like that......its too much.

 

I can't live like that. It would destroy me.....it is destroying me now..........I am hurting so much over this. I understand a lot about you..... when I am calm and think about how much I really do love you.....I love you to understand your life and you. I know how young you are..........I know what it is like for you. I know what is has been truly like. And I know you. I do. I know. I am not stupid. You think I am. You think I do not get you. But, you would be surprised how much I understand. But, you said something to me that is very true. Emotionally I have not evolved. I have not been taught that from a young age. I was not bought up that way. I was bought up with pain, lies and very extreme emotional highs and lows and was always left alone in a terrible state of panic and I was terrified of life. One day I may evolve. I want to. I want to not feel so torn up inside.

 

You are my boy and I care for you so * * * *ing much...I know this is important to you ........I know what you think of me...... I am not so stupid.......It has been so hard being with me...........I know..........I know........I do not not want to say goodbye........but, my heart and how I feel about you could not accept you sleeping with other women while we are together........I think it would be just the kind of thing that would turn me into a total * * * *ing mess with nothing left of me......I would not want to live like that..........I have seen what that does to people.........I have too much respect for you to not let that happen to us......I do not hate you. I do not want to hate you. I do not blame you...........and if ending this relationship knowing that I love you so much is the way it should be.....then I would prefer that than see myself hate you and see us decline into a deeper road of destruction........I can't let this happen to us.........and I know it is easier to hate.....I am not that way.........I could never hate you......I am unhappy but, hate is not something that I feel........even after all that has happened between us..........

 

But, you have your life and no one should ruin it........and I want you to be so * * * *ing happy....I alos want this for my life....I want you to feel the best you have ever felt......me too.....I wish I could do that for you...........when I hold you and feel you are really there.......it is the most safest place in the world for me........when you are away from me and you are right in front of me........it cuts me so cold that I am dead inside ..........its a terrible thing...........

 

Please do not do this to us............please...........take time to think this over........lets make this work.............

 

 

Your my boy................please........let's spend some time together and see what we do have between us........

 

Please do not destroy me........I love you too much to see this happen................I am * * * *ing trying so hard to keep it together.............

 

I just hate myself right now..........But, I cannot go through this.....and I would think that you would not want me to go through this pain.........could you be happy that way? I would rather be alone and unhappy than with you and devastated every living second.I can't believe you would want this for me. This is not love of me.

 

 

 

 

erm............

Reading this letter makes me not want to send it today......I do not feel those please do not destroy us today..........I may leave it.......although I feel I shold tell him straight that I do not want to be with him anymore under these circumstances........I think I iwll just have to tell him to his face....... * * * * this nice letter............

[darkblue]

I think I iwll just have to tell him to his face....... * * * * this nice letter............

I agree. * * * * that letter.

Burn it.

 

Just tell him to his face that you do not want to be with him anymore.

Do not listen to his pleads for second chances - be firm, and stick to what you want.

 

Get him out of your house with all of his possessions.

 

Take care, and keep talking to us.