was he just not that into me? (plus quests)

[mariergn]

I recently broke up with this guy after 4 months everything was great. He treated me like a princess. He took me to meet his parents and all of that. We got on well, sex was good but infrequent. I had to initiate a lot, and even ask for it at times (he sometimes ignored my requests too!) Why is that?

 

He was a real sports man and traveled every weekend to watch football. I mean EVERY weekend. Out of the fours months we were together, we spent 3 wkends together. In addition, he would stay with his parents and get his shirts washed by his mum. I decided to mention the fact that as a couple we should see each other more at the wkends but he did not want to compromise on anything, even though he cared about me etc. He wanted a Friday night and maybe the odd “Wednesday night” relationship. Of course I was like, “no way”.

 

We ended over emails after he had 5 days to think about what he wanted and that was that he did not want a serious relationship (even though he pursued me no end at the start). I don’t get how hanging out a bit more is such an issue?

[ForAnother]

Bah, sounds like garbage to me. Not that he should spend every moment with you, but going away for football stuff? that kinda silly if you ask me. I wouldn't put up with that.

 

-ForAnother

[honeyspur]

Hehehe - the reason you don't get why spending more time together is such an issue is because IT'S NOT!

Really listen to your instincts here, hon. You are sending the message to yourself that this guy is not ready for the love and time it takes to grow into marriage. You are right to give him the deadline and cut ties. No habits dating losers here! Put an end to that right away.

 

Maybe you are feeling a little weird about the whole thing because there was no real understanding between you. Obviously, Mr. Wrong did not get to know you enough to explain to you what might be making HIM uncomfortable. thereforeeee, not giving you the chance to work things out, get more intimate, etc...

 

I realize this guy probably has a story of his own, reasons why he plays hard to get, sends mixed messages - but how can you know if he doesn't tell you? You're not a mind reader!

Don't worry - your feelings at this point are justified. Your ex was very confusing, and you are probably not the first he's muddled up.

 

If you are through with him, great! Move on - don't waste time.

If you are still interested, you might want to write a clear, honest email explaining that you are really open to knowing what makes him uncomfortable and how you can put him at ease. No threat of a relationship - just friends.

 

Good luck and thanks for writing - I'm sure there are many readers who benefit from hearing your story.

[novaseeker]

He just wasn't that into you. If a guy is into you, he's generally ready to spend more time with you, and typically has no issues initiating intimacy with you. What he wanted was to date you a bit and to call a girlfriend, but he didn't want a really close relationship with you ... if he did he would have been more into you, spent more time with you, initiated intimacy with you and so forth. It's good that you broke this off, because he really just wasn't that into you.

[RayKay]

He was just not that into you. Even if he did treat you like a princess (debatable since I think that would mean he would genuinely show he wanted to spend time with you and be intimate) he did not show a tremendous desire or effort to be with you. A guy who wants to be with you would definitely want to sleep with you (assuming of course your relationship was at that level at that point), would definitely want to spend time with you (even if it mean taking you WITH him on some games!), would not see it as a sacrifice to see you, he would WANT to see you, without you having to ask for more time.

 

I don't know, if someone has a problem sleeping with you (and I don't mean physical problems) and with spending time with you, it's a big sign he does not see or want a future with you. Maybe a girlfriend when convenient for him, but not a partner.

 

He also would not take five days to decide if he wanted to be with you, and then end it over emails.