I don't understand it!!!

[Jessy]

I figured I'd post in this forum, because it belongs here, as potential infidelity.... My fiance has just told me that he does not care if i sleep with other men. He also made it clear that he has no desire to have sex with anyone else, just that he wouldn't care if I decided I wanted to explore, and have sex with other people... I don't understand it! Why would the man who supposedly loves me say something like that? I would never EVER be okay with him having sex with other women, and I don't understand why he would permit me to do so. I've shown no signs of being bored with him, we have a VERY active sex life, and very exciting, and I am by no means bored with our sex life, or our relationship in general. I don't know if he is, or if he just wants me to feel free... I'm not sure, but I could really use some advice. Thanks guys.

[ocrob]

I think you should ask him why he would suggest you do that? Tell him you love him and there is nobody else you would rather be with. Either he is insecure or looking for an excuse to be with other women. I think you should talk about it. Ask him why he would say that and tell him that you would never do it. Maybe he just wants to hear this or maybe hewnats to explore with out being guilty. I am guessing he loves you and wants to hear you are only with him. Just tell him there is no other man that you want to be with and see what he says. Maybe he is testing you or maybe he wants an excuse to fool around with other women. I am guessing that he loves you and needs to hear he is the only one. Tell him he is the only one and I bet he will be happy. I have a feeling he needs this so tell him and I bet things will be great!

[PocoDiablo]

I agree with ocrob, too.

 

I suggested to my ex-wife that she could see other men when I wanted her to leave me because I lacked confidence to break up with her. I was hoping she would find someone better.

 

It's not a good sign in my book.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Are you remaining friends with your ex-wife?

[PocoDiablo]

Hi

 

Are you remaining friends with your ex-wife?

Who, me? Nope. Haven't talked to her in years.

[RayKay]

Very odd...I feel like you, why would the man whom loves you say that? I know my boyfriend is not even too keen on me getting hugs from male friends, never mind sleeping with them! (I have no desire at all to anyway!). Him saying that would make me feel very insecure about our relationship.

 

I think you should sit down with him and asl him why he said that. My initial guesses are he wants it to end, and is testing you or hoping you will end it, he is insecure and thinks that is what you want, or it's a way for him to sleep with others and absolve the guilt by telling you you can do the same. But I would ask and listen, because it may be something entirely different, or any number of things.

 

Some people just have very different "values", I knew of a couple whom gave one another "permission" to sleep with whomever they wanted before they got married...while they were dating and engaged. Personally I don't get that at all and do not understand why you would even get married then (they did) nor see much hope for it in the long term, but some people do just have very different ideas of "fidelity".

[OceanEyes]

This is a tough situation. Some people really are just more 'liberal' when it comes to sex. That was completely obvious after the third time I was prepositioned to be part of a threesome with long-term committed couples.

 

Speaking for myself and my own relationship though, my boyfriend gets jealous frequently when I interact with other men. He'll try to play it off as a joke, but I know deep down that he HATES even the sound of me laughing at another man's jokes. He thinks that every man is lusting after me. Obviously they are, since I'm so wonderful.

 

It's possible that he is projecting his own need to explore by encouraging you to do the same. He may be trying to push you away. I have to say though, that I don't think this is good. 99% of the men I know who are in relationships would snap at the thought of their woman with another man. He could be a different breed, but I doubt it.

[RayKay]

LOL, yup, my boyfriend is the same way....but I can't help it that I am so beautiful.....(I am kidding!) . But even if I tell him that one of my friends broke up with his gf, he wonders if it is because they want to chase after me instead....

 

I do not think it is a good sign either that Jessy's fiance seems so "suggesting" in allowing her to sleep with other men. It's a bit..fishy and peculiar.

[PocoDiablo]

This is a tough situation. Some people really are just more 'liberal' when it comes to sex. That was completely obvious after the third time I was prepositioned to be part of a threesome with long-term committed couples.

It's possible that he is projecting his own need to explore by encouraging you to do the same.

I was in a so-called open relationship and this is how I "convinced" my GF to explore. After she started dating other men, now I had an excuse to bring in other women. It started with me bringing in another woman for her and we had a threesome. Then we had more, and eventually she stopped seeing other men - for a while.

 

It all went downhill from there, though, because the reason why we both did it was because we were unhappy in our relationship. It was for the wrong reasons. We ended up breaking up.

 

Yes, the sex was great. However, the problems it created were crazy. And it was because I did not like her and for whatever stupid reason thought that if we stayed together and spiced things up I would like her more. That was dumb of me. I was young, what can I say?

 

I have to say though, that I don't think this is good. 99% of the men I know who are in relationships would snap at the thought of their woman with another man. He could be a different breed, but I doubt it.

In my current relationship with my fiance who is perfect for me, we discussed it and I told her that there was no way in hell we were going to have a threesome at any time in our relationship. Plain and simple, I am not sharing her.

[yeawutever]

Well, that's really sick for him to think that way, I think he's saying that b/c he wants to cheat without feeling guilty, so if he were to sleep around with other woman he would be with the escuse "But, I'm letting u sleep with other men." Unless, he might be into swingers' lifestyle or maybe he wants to test u, ask him, have a serious convo about this.

[OceanEyes]

All in all, I think it takes a certain type of person to be into an 'open relationship'. To actually find another person who is also into it? It's probably a rare occurrence, but by no means impossible. I don't know how they manage to keep a relationship together this way, but who am I to say what's right and what isn't.

 

There is a pretty good chance that if your boyfriend has always been a monogamous, one-girl-guy, that he's seeking a more exciting sex life for himself. Heck, he may be one of those guys who gets off on the thought of you getting it on with other guys. Again, it's rare, but I know for a fact that it exists!