Stuck in the middle with me

[Boughtandpaidfor]

So I got an amazing boost from my last post and it's really helped me start to explore my currently blurred sexual identity. I don't know which way to jump sexually and I'm kind of sick of waiting around for my mind/body/soul to click in to gear.

 

So what I should really do is get out there and experiment. But here's the thing-- I am crap at meeting people- men, women, I don't think I could pull in a brothel. I have virtually no (and sober=none) experience of casual relationships. I'm nervous socially and not exactly the soul of the party- though when I'm relaxed I can have a good time. It's been nearly a year since I've done anything with anyone. I'm not in a position where I'm comfortable getting a girlfriend or a boyfriend- I'd like to experiment a bit and have some fun and try to loosen up, but I'm terrified. I have no idea where to begin.

 

I'm in a big city for Christmas where I could just go in theory and find someone and have some fun- but instead I'm staying in the apartment or being dragged around the city getting drunk by some people I don't feel that close to-- when my mind is screaming "wander off on your own and start to unhook this king kong of a monkey on your back!" I'm stubborn and don't like being pushed- I really want to take this step myself so there's no one around me I want to ask to help me. But I'm so unsure of what to do. I've had far too much experience of alcohol helping me forward and I don't want that either. But...... where to start???

[novaseeker]

You said you were in Tokyo, correct? I can imagine that there are myriad opportunities there to meet men and women, IIRC, there is a district there where are gay venues and so forth. Your instincts are right ... take a night off from pub crawling with your friends and go off on your own, explore a bit, stay light on the alcohol, and also try not to expect much ... just explore and see what happens.

[James005]

Hey I know where you are coming from. It is very difficult especially being new to the gay/Bi thing because part of your mind is haivng this nagging issue is it really who I am. That one thought on its own makes things all screwey. Regardless, going to the clubs can be interesting and intimidating, I hate being piked up by some guy I don't know, power is a big thing for me. Recently I have become involved in a group. By doing this it has not only helped me to meet new people but to see being gay as a life and not a lifestyle which is a common error even among gay individuals. Keeping fit is a lifestyle, eating healthy is alifestyle, being gay is a life, it is who you are. Going back to the bar scene, I find it is easier to go with people you know as a sort of safety net. Not only do you belong to a group but if some wakko keeps coming after you, you can use your frined as an excuse BF and all. Now from what I have understood from your post your somewhat new and you may not have many gay friends, understandable. Thats why it may be beneficial for you to join a group meet friends and go from there. Also YOu mentioned you where in a large city for the hollidays, sounds like your from a small town? Although difficult to experiment with gay/Bi feelings, seek help outside like a college/University not too far from town, email them. Should you have shared email set up a private account so no one can track you familly and all.

I hope this helps, if you have any questions let me know.

Later

 

James.