how to keep him around

[shorty20]

I've been posting about this guy here and there, bits and pieces in different posts. I wanted to post the whole story in one thread to get your guys' opinions on how I should go about this... things I should do, shouldn't do... i know it's kinda long but I would really appreciate any replys. thanks guys!

 

ok, so I met my current boyfriend about 11 months ago. He was the best man in my best friend's wedding. We hit it off, but I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend. We met again at a party about two weeks later, and I had broken up with my boyfriend, and him and his girlfriend were having problems. We spent the whole night together, just talking, laughing.. nothing sexual happened, we just had a good time. He broke up with his girlfriend the next week, and him and I started hanging out more and more often. Then the relationship turned sexual. My best friend was getting mad, because my now bf was the only thing that reminded her of her husband (who was and still is in Iraq) and she felt I was taking him away. Things got pretty dramatic and him and I both decided it wasn't worth all the pressure. We remained friends.

 

Fast forward a couple months. We'd both had a couple flings, and he started coming around more often. I was in the process of moving, and he was helping me pack. We spent every day that week together. Friday night he came over, helped me pack, watched a movie... by this time he was doing sweet things like rubbign my back, playing with my hair... nothing more than that though. He leaves and sends me a text that says "I know we're jsut friends, but the more I spend time with you, the more I like you" and I agreed but didn't want to rush things and have them go bad again like last time. I said lets just take it slow. Didn't give him any guarantees, or tell him that I felt the same. Next thing I know he's got a girlfriend... and I was kicking myself for not being more assertive.

 

Fast forward another month. He comes around again... we've been talking this whole time... ever since we first met 11 months ago, BUT there are times when he more frequently calls. So he started calling more and more. He's still with his girlfriend, and I have a boyfriend now. He's spending more and more time with me at my new apartment, and one day calls and said he broke up with his girlfriend. I didn't question it or anything, just went on with the conversation. THen he starts telling me he's really starting to have feelings for me again (hence the reason him and his girlfriend broke up) and that he'd really like another chance. I kept saying "we've already tried twice... don't you think that's enough?" this goes on for about two weeks... we're still good friends. He's single, and I'm still with my boyfriend. Then I find out my boyfriend was cheating on me. Guess who comes to the resuce to be there for me? Yup, you guessed it. I made it a point not to kiss him the first few times he came over when we were both single. I didn't want him to think he was a rebound but the truth was I was falling for him hard. This all happened about 3 weeks ago. We're together now.

 

I guess the question I'm asking is, given our history (which was really long, but I thought the whole story would help to give you guys an insight and let me know what you think) we both sometiems seem wishy-washy and shady with our feelings. I really like this guy, and he really likes me. I'm afraid it will die down, and he'll find someone else again. I don't know how to keep him on his toes. Usually I play hard to get, but with him it's different. He told me that with most guys, the girl playing hard to get keeps them interested, but with him, the girl showing she cares is what keeps him around. I don't know how to act... whether to call him everyday like he does me, or to make him do all the calling... it's hard to figure out what I should be doing and how I should be acting when he's not like any other guy I've been with. I know this was a long mess of a story but any advice, insight... anything would really help me alot. Thankyou in advance to anyone who replys.

[Beec]

First, go to your bestfriend, if she can keep a secret, make her keep quiet, let her know you want a shot with this guy, and that while things may be difficult for her now, they will be better when her husband gets home. You'll all be ready to be together, at times. Let her know that if she says no, things will be tough when he gets home. How can you all spend time together, unless you and him give it a shot? And that means, you either need to try or will need to keep away once her husband gets home. Anyway, should she want you to be happy? Get her on your side. No more of that BS Drama.

 

Second bust a move. Nothing over the top, but kiss the man. Or get him to kiss you.

[shorty20]

well, her and I aren't as close as we once were, mostly because of drama like this. I once and for all decided I wasn't going to be her puppet anymore, and.. well she didn't like that too much. As for kissing him, I have! We kiss, cuddle, hug.... everything. Just haven't had sex. I just don't know how to go about keeping him around. Keeping him interested seems to be a problem for me, ya know? I dont' know whether to keep playing hard to get, or to actually just jump in with both feet and open up to him. Tell him how I really feel... he says thats what he wants... but everything I've ever known tells me to keep holding back...

[Beec]

Well, the surest way to keep him around is to get him obsessed with you. How do you do that? You give him things that he likes, rewards, in a very unpredictable manner.

 

So, let's say him comes over. He is there for a while, kisses you a bit, you stop, and then you just go over stand in front of him and kiss him deepy and passionately. He should be kind of surprised if you do it right. Look at him for a minute, and tell him if he is good, there MAY be more where that came from. You just gave him a reward and told him he could get more, but he has to be good, he must earn it.