She Left But Still Says She loves me?

[lewisbn11]

Hi firstly thank you all for your time of reading this.

Im 20 and my partner was 20 too. For 10 months things have been amazing. I go away quite a bit as im a sponsered kitesurfer. Only for 5 days or so and have done maybe 4 times this year with her. On november the 10th i went away for 6 weeks for winter training. Things were great before i left. She wouldn';t let me go at the airport told me she loves me will marry me etc all that crap. I was supposed to be back on january the 14th but i knew i could change my flight to 22nd december to come back for christmas for her. Things were ok while i was out there she rang a lot and i wrote every week. Just as i get my flight changed she rings up and says she can't do it anymore. It was upsetting her i was away but i told her i am coming back the next week its all ok. Then she drops a bomb shell on me and says she has kissed someone else. I can't even remember what i said but we ended the call with no solution. 2 days later i ring her and ask her if she loves me. She replies i don't know i don't know how i am feeling im only 20 im young etc etc. I left the phone call as "if your at the airport next week when im back then you still love me" That week in egypt with nothing to do was the hardest. I got through it but she was not at the airport. i was gutted. the next day no contact but a message saying sorry she was not sure she will tell me after christmas. I couldn't take it anymore i wanted to know. I had not seen her in 6 weeks. How could she not have wanted to see me yet? We met the next day and for 4 hours she was all over me telling me how attractive she thought i was and she explained the kiss meant nothing she couldn't believe she did it etc. But she said she wanted to be on her own. That she had been in relationships for ages but she still loved and cared for me and that she might be making the biggest mistake of her life. I walked her back home. Hand in hand and she would hardly leave crying her eyes out. I rang her next day christmas day and asked her if she wanted to go out for a walk. She did and she wasn't as close this time however we did cuddle for ages in my van and she fell asleep on me. Then i dropped her home and said i can't be friends with you. It would hurt me too much. She told me she couldn't bare the thought of me not being in her life.

 

Since then this is the 3rd day of no contact. However as we speak she just signed in on messenger and said hello and is talking a bit. We never talked on messenger before i don't think we ever had!

 

Anyway i can't stop thinking about her. I thought of her every night when i was in egypt. And now she is 2 minutes away and i can't be with her. It hurts so much i missed her so much and now im back im not even with her. She said that she doesn't expect me to wait and that maybe in a while she will find me again.

 

 

 

I know i can't contact her as it will make it harder on me. I can't understand why she broke up with me if she loves me and still finds me attractive. We spent the best times together and this hurts so much. Has anyone else ever been in this position? Lewis

[melrich]

Hi Lewis.

 

I'll give you my insight on this and you can take it or leave it, you know her far better than I do.

 

First I think she probably finds your extended absenses much harder than you think she does. You are 20 and off doing the thing you love. I don't think she copes with that.

 

Second she is 20. That is not the age to be spending time waiting for someone to come home. It's teh time to be living life to the fullest and any commitments you make you want them now.

 

I'm guessing she does really have strong feelings for you but she has decided she does not want to feel like she is wasting precious youth waiting for you to come home. Because when you are away I think that is maybe what she was doing.

[Blue Skittles]

This is soo sad, it sounds like u guys love each other very much but it doesn't look like it will work out. i would give it some time with no contact, let her work things out and think about things and u will both need time to get over each other. maybe one day later when things settle down things might work out but i think for now its best for u to get over her and move on with your life.

[lewisbn11]

Thank you both for your thoughts. Its so hard not having her in my life even though for 7 weeks now i have not seen her for more then 4 hours. She was with me in my mind every day while i was out in egypt. It kept me going. She is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. Yes everyone thinks that. It feels like such a waste that we can't be together. If i see her out i don't know what im going to do. the fact i got one message on my messenger program earlier made my heart race about a thousand times. Then i feel better. I feel better because i know deep down that i want her to come back and it feels like she is if she gets in contact. I want her back in my life so much yet the only thing i can do is not call her. Its hard to get your head round it. I was so close to calling her earlier but i didn't. When i was holding her christmas eve and she was looking in my eyes i could tell we love each other so much. She feels so safe with me and i do with her.

I try to find a positive place in my mind knowing that in so many months i will be able to be ok about this but right now it hurts so much. And i have been in a big break up before. i nearly had child in a 2 year relationship before and tonight i spoke to that girl for 40 minutes online and it was great. I feel no love for her but i respect the time we shared.

 

Over my time in egypt i grew to realize how much i loved alannah though. I had all these thoughts in my mind how i would make so much more effort to show my love and now i feel i will never get the chance.

lew

[lewisbn11]

i can't help thinking that if i don't call her then ill let it slip away for ever/

If i do call her am i just annoying her that im ringing her up already so soon.

 

 

I don't want to lose her and its so hard that its not like another break up. She still cares for me so much and i can see it. Call or not to call.

[FCTex]

Follow your heart to the fullest.

 

People here will tell you to maintain NO CONTACT. But I did, and still tell people to do as they want and to try everything they want to get what they want..

 

If you don't, you live with regret.