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Can talk to this girl, but can't


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Ok, so there is a girl who I've been becoming really good friends with over the past few months. She's shown signs that she likes me, and I like her too though I haven't shown any (well I don't think I have....if I have they were not intentional). But you see, whenever I see her, it's always with our circle of friends. I'm social around everyone, but when I'm alone with her (like when she's waiting with me when my ride is late), I am not so social. I mean, I have no idea what to talk about with her. We like the same music, so sometimes we talk about that...but that's just getting old.


I have somewhat of a similar dilemma to someone else that posted in the Attraction/Flirting forum I think, but basically that person mentioned that a girl likes him for someone he doesn't think he is.


That's somewhat my dilemma as well. I mean, I want to get involved with her but I'm afraid she doesn't really know the "real" me......I'm social, but I'm not. I'm only social around people......I am really quiet around small groups of people. Not because I'm shy (I've surpassed this years ago).....but because I don't know what to bring up for conversation.


If anyone could help me out on this, I'd greatly appreciate it. This is actually one of the reasons I'm not making my move yet, because I can't talk to her when I'm alone with her. Well sometimes I can, but only when a topic of conversation actually comes up. Coming up with that is the hard part. I'm afraid that once we start going out she'll just realize how boring I am. I'm not even funny either. As of this moment, she is a really good friend of mine.....I don't really want to kill that image by having her think of how "blind" she was.

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Well, I think that you obviously have the capacity to be social around her, it's just a matter of it happening.

You are capable of being as social around her as you are with other people.


I think another thread is very similar to your situation...ShySoul and DannyH had some great advice for that guy and I think it applies in your situation too: having the confidence to approach a girl

They basically say to not stress, just relax and not try. Just let whatever happen happen and talk about whatever comes to mind.


There are heaps of "standard" questions you can ask people. They are not asked because they are convenient for extending conversations, They are interesting and the normal things to talk about.

- What are your plans for the weekend?

- What do you do for a living?

- How did you go in the test?

- Did you see the game yesterday?

- That guy over there looks like don't you think?

etc, etc. There is no limit. But beware, if you ask questions such as these you must follow them up. Try to go for questions that allow them to tell a story...you might have to push them along a bit, but those questions above can generally lead to quite a bit of conversation, think laterally, I can think of heaps of questions to follow up each one depending upon what response I got.


If you would like to think about it you could try doing it this way.

If you are searching for something to talk about you could go day by day.

Let's say today was Monday.

I'd think, "what did I do on the weekend? Would anything interest her? What did she do on the weekend?"

Then I'd move on to Monday. "what did I do today? Would anything interest her? What did she do today? What did we do together? What events are happening today? Is there any significance of today?"

Then I'd go onto Tuesday and think the the same things, except inserting "What will I do on Tuesday?".


That will give you a lot of material.


Then consider your environment. Look around. Is there anything interesting that will trigger your memory of something she would like to hear or maybe a question you could ask her?

It is always different and changing and is full of interesting things to talk about.

Maybe a guy walks his dog past...ask her "I love dogs, I have fifteen. Do you like dogs?"... "Really? Why not". etc.

See what I mean?

Maybe the sun comes out... "I love the sun, I wish I could be at the beach." Wait and see what she says. "Wow you like to surf? Me too."



There are no limits. Those things are very easy ways of increasing your "material".

I think they go through most people's minds without their awareness... I think this is just how conversations are formed. I don't think these are "methods" or "scripts", I think these are the natural mechanisms people use to create conversation.


Also, remember previous conversations. Ask questions and find out things that will allow you to follow up on them later. Maybe there is an ongoing situation in her life?

Maybe she mentions she is going to see a movie. Next time ask her how it was. ETC.!!!


Just be yourself. Be confident in who you are and don't over-analyse any situation.

Don't fear what she thinks of you. Be yourself.

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Um... registered took most of my usual advice and even gave a link to some of my posts. So listen to him, he's usually right on.


Let's see. Anything else I can say?


The nervousness you are feeling is just fine and perfectly naturally. You're worrying about messing things up, that you are boring and not worthy of her attention. Guys get like that when they like a girl. I was like that to with a girl recently. Though in my case I could talk well online and on the phone. In person though, when we were alone, I became nervous of what to say to her. Worried that I was boring and didn't have anything to talk about. The thing about living in the moment really helped me. Don't worry about what could happen, just focus on what is happening.


Know that you aren't to boring. I bet you have lots of interesting things to say. Any conversation can be interesting, as long as the people are into it. With my girl we had the same taste in music. So we sometimes wouldn't talk, would sing together to the radio. Other times she would try to stump me on the name of a song and who sang it. (she couldn't stump me ) To most people it probably seems silly and boring. But to us it was fun because it was something we enjoyed talking about. Point is, as long as the two of you enjoy the topic, then it is not boring.


Also, try and learn how to key in on things people say and use it to make comments or ask more questions. Like if you ask what she did on the weekend and she says she went with her family to visit a relative, you ask what relative, if she had fun, how often they visit the relative, maybe tell a cute story about a relative of yours. It keeps the conversation going and avoids the awkward silences.

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  • 4 weeks later...

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