Getting real bad again

[Dregnought]

First of all sorry for the swearing, hes hoping the language filter works. Im dead tired and sleeping as i writ this..

 

this is a convo between me and my best friend matt.

[registered]

Matt sounds like a cool guy, he had good advice.

Thing is right, no matter what he says, you always had something else to say! I sensed him getting a bit frustrated and you can see why...it's not because he's bored of you, it's because he can't do anything to help.

 

IMO you need to stay positive...if you were positive he wouldn't get frustrated and probably be a little more sensitive. From his point of view it's a bit hard - he can't say anything to make it better.

He doesn't want to say something positive and then have something negative thrown back at him endlessly, it's not fun for him, and he is trying, but he can only try so much before he will give up.

You need to look at things positively like you were. EVERYTHING will improve if you do.

 

That's how it looks, just being honest.

 

With things taking "10 years", you need to cut your Dad some slack. You're pretty demanding of him lol. If he takes a while to do the things you want, can't you do them yourself? Let us see:

it sgonna be a good year b4 i get the orignal game knowing dad

Why do you have to wait for your dad to get the game? Why can't you get it?

It's hard for you to see now, but this is a small thing honestly.

of course dads going like No

$100 for a temporary video card! No wonder he says no... he's got bills to pay!

Families are expensive, you need to take it easy on your dad.

i have never ever heard him say that he loves me in any way

He's a guy... guys generally suck at expressing this sort of thing, and then there is the whole social stereotype of being a toughguy lol, I mean, it's probably not an easy thing for him to come out and say "I love you". His actions are what's important, I know you can see it in his actions - if you can then I'd take that, it means a hell of a lot.

not one thing has gone right all month

You woke up... I know of millions of 15 year olds around the world that are praying they wake up tomorrow...It kills me inside thinking about this you know, there are so many people who are not going to wake up tomorrow because they didn't have enough money for food or medicine.

 

You have a lot to be thankful for yet these small things get you down. They are small things.

I know why they get you down though.

You are bored...I think that you are bored. The reasons these things piss you off is because you have very little to do and these things are what you would do.

To you it may seem that this is a consequence of not having those things, but in my opinion it is the other way around.

 

Why don't you try getting a job or a new hobby or join a sporting club? Anything along those lines. This will be for your own benefit and you will be much happier.

 

Come on Dreg! You have so much to be happy and thankful for. I know that you know that those things that piss you off are really small.

Look at the cause of your frustration... IMO it is boredom. What do you do all day? And what would you do if you had your computer working? Am I onto anything here?

If I am then what can you do to fight boredom?

[Dregnought]

With things taking "10 years", you need to cut your Dad some slack.

If it was his, he would have it done long time ago. ITs almost as if im 2nd class or something.

Why do you have to wait for your dad to get the game? Why can't you get it?

Cauuse i wont be able to get it from any place, bar the internet.

$100 for a temporary video card! No wonder he says no... he's got bills to pay!

Families are expensive, you need to take it easy on your dad.

thats Aus dollars. abut $75us. Trust me, hes got the cash. they have in income of like 30kUS each month, and not spenind much at all atm (ber all the loans and rent and crap..)

Why don't you try getting a job or a new hobby or join a sporting club? Anything along those lines.

Cant do much here, its far to rual. Even if i wanted to.

 

The thing is, its not like its one time, i get these small things 24/7,

IMO it is boredom. What do you do all day? And what would you do if you had your computer working? Am I onto anything here?

I already figured that bit ages ago - and i knew it.

 

Theres only 2 things that i would really want, in order of most want..

1) To be with MG in real life

2) to get m pc fixed

 

Soon, ill have to start the renovations again when ppl leave.... I have had * * * * of a holiday....

 

yes, i agree im negitive. Why, im not sure. I guess i just get let down to much.

 

edit: I agree taht he gets fustrated, really im sorry about that. i just shutdown when things like this happen, and slip into this self-destructive mode.

[registered]

Cauuse i wont be able to get it from any place, bar the internet.

In australia you can direct deposit to any online shop's bank account (most shops will allow this...just check the methods of payment...just a find a shop that does, 99%+ will allow direct deposit)...you can do it if you have your own bank account and you don't even have to go to a branch, it can be done online (and probably on the phone too).

 

Cant do much here, its far to rual. Even if i wanted to.

Maybe you could buy a motorbike or something like that, that would be fun.

You can do many things, they don't have to be organised. Start running, working out, cycling. Take up drawing or some other craft. Do you know your neighbours? Maybe there are some people your own age around.

You could learn a musical instrument, read books, do gardening.

 

yes, i agree im negitive. Why, im not sure. I guess i just get let down to much.

It's because your expectations are not met. IMO this is because they are too high.

[Dregnought]

Ok then...

I want to learn Spannish (private reasons) but i really dont know how. Everyone i know that does know it grew up with it, taught in school, or something else...

 

One of the reasons why i dont do much is cause of my parents - if i do one thing differently they tend to drill me with questions. I feel that the more i keep from them, the better off i am.

[registered]

ok, well I will pm you about the spanish.

 

Well, you might feel better not being drilled with questions but actually you keep saying how bad you are feeling now! I think it would be better to do stuff to keep you busy and just take the questions. It will be worth it because it will solve your current cause of bad feelings.

 

My parents are like that too, they can't mind their own business. I tell them very little, but I always satisfy their curiosity with vague ambiguity lol.

[Moon Goddess]

registered does have a piont there They are parents it's there job to ask 20 questions, sometimes I think they do it just cause they know it annoys us other times they really care. Parents really ask question because they are interested in your life they actually care about us

[Dregnought]

I dont want them interested anymore, i wanna be independent (with you of course MG). Im a growing teenager, i value my independence.

[registered]

Parents are like that, they want to know everything.

Just deal with it.

Give them the info they want, you don't need to be specific or go into details, learn to be concise and ambiguous if you want to have privacy.

But don't think your parents are any worse then any others, they're not.

 

In my experience as people grow up they want more independence from their parents, but then they kind of get closer to their parents again and accept their parents "interference" (otherwise known as "concern").

 

Your parents will give you more space if you want it, but they can't do this unless you make them aware of it.

I'll tell you one thing though. If you simply keep to yourself and stay quiet they will think something is wrong.

If on the other hand you give them minimal information, enough to stop their persistent questions then they will have to accept that things are ok.

So my advice is accept that they will ask questions (they worry, they want to help, they take enjoyment from talking to you or hearing what you do etc.), just learn to give answers that don't "jeopardise" the privacy you search for.

It's not about lying, just creative and selective use of the truth.

They will get the idea that you don't want to go into specifics, but since you are giving some information they'll think you must be happy and safe and they don't need to worry.

 

But your parents care and you shouldn't forget or ignore that.

[Dregnought]

Im just happier existing.

Parhaps the reson why im like this is because i live in constant fear of dad. He's not bad bad or anything, but if i screw soemthing up, its like a 25% chance he will snap or osmething. I hate it.

 

My parents, but way more my dad, (once again....) is starting to dislike what i do on the pc. I minamize everything when they are near, but now im even locking the door - all im doing is socilasing - my parents dont need to be here. Im not in primary schoo anymore, i can take care of myself.

 

The reason why i close the door (and now lock it) is because im having a good time with my gf. I got a webcam, and im sure i dont neeed to give more detail.

 

I have told them (well mum) that i value m privacy. I can see why they are concerned, but there really isnt a fix. They are just going to have to trust me i guess.

[registered]

We are pretty similar...my dad snaps 100% of the time if I do something wrong and probably still does 30% of the time when I do something right! Now that totally sucks.

 

I've seen that with parents watching their kids on the net, they'll just get over it though. Parents will quickly trust you once you get a chance to prove yourself and once they realise they no longer have any control over you (mostly the second one hahaha).

 

Don't worry, your parents are cool with you having a good time.... it would be hypcocritical of them otherwise lol.

 

You definitely need your independence but it is best to not force it otherwise your parents will get suspicious and less willing to come around.

Your concerns for privacy are definitely valid but there is a way to get what you want and the best way is rarely one of force.

 

I think you do need to try and actively get involved with the world... if you can do things other than stay at home then your parents will be forced to trust you and you will show them you can be trusted. And this will improve your situation at home.

 

If your parents don't like you locking the door tell them to knock first and wait for an "all clear".

I think it's ok to minimise everything when they are near, I don't see anything wrong with maintaining your privacy... instead of being so obvious you could probably click on some other window and display that over everything...just a bit less suspicious. So keep something open for that purpose alone.

 

Give it time though, it will change, just remember to keep them happy, don't make them suspicious and eventually (and it won't take long at all) they'll just accept it and you'll be able to just exist as you want. (I'm speaking from experience and so I mean this).

[Dregnought]

Jeez.. i feel sorry for you.

 

My parents, they do trust me, thats why they havent gone further. Yet. All they want is to know what im doing. I will tell them aboug MG when the time is right - not before, unless they find out. I *may* even tell them why i close the door, depending on thier reaction. I dont know, ill have to think that one. Proberly something like "You know i got a gf. You also know that i got a webcam. Think about it...." or soemthing simalar.

 

Should i just email them the 'ok' sites, like my forums and other sites that i visit. Not this one of course.... Should i? Its one of the questions i keep being asked.

[registered]

I *may* even tell them why i close the door, depending on thier reaction....Proberly something like "You know i got a gf. You also know that i got a webcam. Think about it...." or soemthing simalar.

I wouldn't do that, I'd just let it take it's own course.

Also, they would work that out very quickly anyway.

You don't need to tell them what you are doing behind closed doors, that's the purpose of closing them.

 

Should i just email them the 'ok' sites, like my forums and other sites that i visit. Not this one of course.... Should i? Its one of the questions i keep being asked.

Nope, you deserve privacy, you don't need to tell them what you do on the net.

 

Your parents want to know what you are doing because there is probably a small amount of doubt in them. I couldn' t imagine another reason why, unless they simply really, really enjoy it, but lol, I don't think that is the case.

 

Don't look for an overnight solution, it will be cool, it's just a matter of them accepting that they can't control you. It takes a bit of time, and like I said you have to give a little, just to keep them happy, to buy their peace of mind.

Don't worry, it's just a phase, they'll grow out of it

[Dregnought]

""If you dont have anything good to say, don't say anything at all.""

[MissJones]

Do you think that maybe your parents grill you because you don't open up to them at all?

 

Try to remember that you are at an awkward age where you're becoming more independent and you want to keep things to yourself but being your parents, they will always feel the need to grill you over things. I'm 29 and I still get grilled by my mother. I think it's just an instinctual parental ting. I give away very little but just enough to keep her satisfied. My mother once told me that even when I'm 50, I'll still be her daughter and she will still worry about me. It annoys the cr@p out of me but it's just the way it is.

 

Maybe your parents are also trying to teach you responsibility and that things have to be earned and not just got (if that makes any sense). They're still completely responsible for you even though you probably don't like it. The thing with my family is that it's a give and take relationship on both sides.

 

It sounds like your parents are having a hard time letting go of their 'little boy'. Maybe socialising with them a little more and not being so distant will minimise their need to pry. Give them every reason to believe that they've got nothing to worry about.

[Dregnought]

I know i got to try, it just feels so weird.