Bisexual guy, living the life of a straight guy!

[sexyguy2004]

I am a bisexual man, sophomore in college! I absolutely love college. However, I can't seem to find guys! I am a really attractive guy. My problem is that I surround myself with the values, morals, activities and people that straight college guys surround themselves with. I get hit on by so many gurls...but right now thats just not my focus! I am bisexual but at this point of my life I am more attracted to guys! Initially I didnt have a problem with it in college...i came to college and did the straight guy thing...but now more than ever I find myself longing for attachment with a guy!

 

I make it harder for myself in many ways! I am DL, and masculine! I am in a fraternity and surround myself with my organization at all times! I do not participate in any gay/bi events or anything!

 

Its not as simple as just leaving my ordinary life alone (straying from straight crowd), bcuz i absolutely love what I do! I just wish that I could find a guy...Im not the type to look cuz u will never find any1 if ur looking...im hoping to find some cool guys to be friends with, and chill with and hopefully a relationship will come about!

 

 

I guess I am simply on here venting, but if any1 has advice let me know!

[novaseeker]

Well, there are some other threads here on a similar topic from gay people: how to meet someone.

 

I'm also bisexual and not much involved, really, in the gay community. The key problem is that most of the world around you is straight. The easiest way to meet gay people is to go to places where gay people hang out, but I don't care for gay bars and clubs because I have found a lot of sex-oriented promiscuous people there, and I frankly have never been into meeting women in those situations either, so it doesn't work for me. You may want to check internet dating to date a few guys ... I know you say you don't want to look, but it's tricker to proceed that way if you are looking for a gay relationship because there are far fewer people who are gay, and simply reliably finding an available gay person outside of a gay event/venue can be a challenge. So I'd recommend trying internet dating a bit.

[Jinx]

I do believe this is a problem a majority of us here have, finding someone. Not a simple task, looking or waiting, seems equally difficult both ways.

 

Like Novaseeker has mentioned bars or online dating possibilities. I know at least one or two individuals here have attempted that, but by a general lumping together of results it seems gay or lesbian online dating doesn't have the same positive rate outcomes, but never hurt anyone to try. May be one with a positive result.

 

Depending on your fraternity's system and your own time and such, you could always consider joining a LGBT club on campus (if offered), unfortunately the one available locally is knee high in political matters, I'm more interested in activities volunteer and a minor amount of activism in political matters. I've heard a good deal of positive things, so its most likely more of a local association issue than overall.

 

Next, depending on where you live, find out where the gay friendly areas are. Even the town I live in seems to have a handful of gay friendly areas so I found out. May take some searching and prodding for information but it will pay off.

 

Most of my male friends are gay, and they (as stereotypical as it may sound) love art. Around here, Art Galleries and Art events are their heaven and haven.

 

With homosexuality being gradually more accepted, a lot of cities in their larger events will allow GLBT vendors or information booths. It is an excellent source if you happen to stumble upon one, because the do have a wealth of beneficial information, aside of your typical "How to come out" booklets.

 

I've found another good resource, google directory and googling key words. It has a wonderful amount of information and links. I've found a lot just by reading what comes up, especially in the directory section. From articles, forums, to websites for associations and local search.

 

You remind me a bit of my male best friend, quite the masculine individual, involved with sports and the whole bit, attractive gentleman constantly being hit on by women except when I'm around (Our society's assumption, every opposite sex pair might be a couple, at least he gets a rest I suppose). After awhile of looking around at local areas and studying the city he was able to find the gay friendly areas, and they weren't bars, actually we found a nice business section which was gay friendly where he attends college.

 

It would make life easier if we knew just how to find one another, like a bumper sticker or pin I read once, "We're everywhere." only problem being, there may be Gay and Lesbian individuals in almost or every town but only a small amount are out, so doesn't make it any easier for the rest of us which have to play the guessing games of "Maybe she is, maybe she isn't."

[Day_Walker]

You can keep telling yourself that you arent looking for a guy to be in a relationship with but that is exactly what you are doing. If you surround yourself with only straight guys and the whole fraternity lifestyle then its going to be hard to meet other bisexual or gay men. You have to make some kind of effort to meet other men otherwise it will be a rare occurrence that you will meet any men.

[FoxLocke]

I agree with Jinx and Novaseeker...

 

The first step you took(coming to this website)is a positive one. All of us here are either gay, bi, or straight and accepting of gay people. So if you ever have those days where you need to vent just write it all down. (smile)

 

Anyway, I think you are in the same place that I am. I'm gay and I'm not out to anyone(except my dog and an old childhood friend)at this point. It does get difficult when you want affection and you can't get it due to being surrounded by people who are straight. However, there are alternatives...

As it was mentioned before try internet dating(which I am working up the nerve to do so!) or if you live in a large city see if they have any gay friendly areas. Also, I frequently call a GLBT national hotline when I just need to talk to someone...Believe it or not it has helped me exponentially...

 

Even though you say you are bisexual, I get the feeling that you lean more towards men...and there is nothing wrong with that. Atleast you are acknowledging your feelings.

Don't do "The straight thing" just to make others happy and keep up an image. Be true to yourself.

[Prufrock06]

Having played it straight (to both myself and others) up until late this past summer, I can sympathize with where you're coming from, and you're certainly not alone in your frustrations. I too am pretty "masculine" and all my friends are either girls or straight guys. Of course, I get along great with the guys I hang around and those that know about my sexuality don't have much of an issue with it. Still, it sucks not having any gay friends to interract with on a regular basis, whether it's for friendship or for dating.

 

What I would suggest to you (as others already have in this thread) is to start to expose yourself to GLBT groups and events on campus. I recently joined a GLBT group for students at the school I attend and it's done a world of good for me, even though I think of the people in that group as aquaintances and not friends at this stage. I'm also trying to get more involved in attending extracurricular lectures and programs dealing with GLBT issues -- you'll find that a lot of the same people attend these meetings and it's a good way to get to know people.

 

You shouldn't have to feel like you need to revoke your "straight license" in order to meet other guys -- although it is more difficult (at least, from my own personal experience) when you don't fit in to an predescribed, obvious stereotypes. Sometimes I feel a pressure to act more flamboyant or blatantly (read: stereotypically) gay and part of the issues I had with coming to terms with my sexuality was the realization that I don't have to fit into any particular mold to identify as gay -- much as you shouldn't feel the need to fit into any mold to identify as bisexual. You shouldn't feel like you need to abandon your "straight life" in order to meet guys who would be willing to have a relationship with you because it seems like that part of your life is important to you, in the same way that I wouldn't sacrifice my straight guy friends just to hang out with a crowd of anonymous gay guys in the hopes of feeling like I "fit in" more.

 

It seems like some kind of compromise is needed for these two halves of your social life, and I think the best thing for now is to start to expose yourself in small increments to social events/situations in which the type of guys you're looking to date will congregate. Are you out as a bisexual to any of your friends or anyone in the straight crowd you hang around with? If not, it might be a more difficult proposition, but still certainly possible. Most GLBT groups on campus are known for their confidentiality, if that's something that would make you feel more comfortable when attending such events.

 

Hope this helps!

[sexyguy2004]

...1st

Thank you all for ur responses! I could really use other peoples opinions!

 

But yeah about the entire situation! I guess what I want most is a guy to have as a companion, friend, company! A guy to get to know and get to like and love...spend time with! But again....I can't seem to find this guy! LOL

I often think that maybe I should just date a gurl....and I am still deciding but realistically I cant seem to get as close to a gurl! I cant seem to make that magical connection! I do not tend to have that indescribale attraction for females!

 

As of right now I think I am going to give 2 gurls that like me a chance! Go on a couple dates and see wat happens from there!

 

I have been doing this for quite some time now...a yr and I just cant seem to get as involved with females!

 

i do not see myself as the type to go to gay bars, clubs, hang outs, or join Gay/Bi groups! Its just not me

 

haha I wish there was a way for gay/bi guys like myself...to be more involved with the straight mans world!

 

well enough venting...i cant seem to formulate my words correctly!

 

(Im looking for responses)

 

haha i might give it a try on here

im 19/m/md

any guys interested LOL!

[FoxLocke]

But yeah about the entire situation! I guess what I want most is a guy to have as a companion, friend, company! A guy to get to know and get to like and love...spend time with! But again....I can't seem to find this guy! LOL

 

I often think that maybe I should just date a gurl....and I am still deciding but realistically I cant seem to get as close to a gurl! I cant seem to make that magical connection! I do not tend to have that indescribale attraction for females!

 

I dealt with the samething for years. No girl was ever good enough for me. Believe me I really, really, REALLY, tried to like girls in that way. I dated many women, but nothing ever became of it outside of a plutonic friendship. However, with men the urge was so strong that it overwhelmed me. What you are describing is my experience a few years ago...So I finally decided--just five months ago--to admit to myself that I'm gay.

You referred to yourself as bisexual, but generally bisexuals are equally attracted to both sexes...Again, I am not trying to dictate how you refer to yourself, but you may be gay and in denial about it.

 

 

As of right now I think I am going to give 2 gurls that like me a chance! Go on a couple dates and see wat happens from there!

 

I have been doing this for quite some time now...a yr and I just cant seem to get as involved with females!

 

By all means, you should explore your sexuality. For me, by dating women, it helped me figure out that I was not into women on that level...

However, if you don't have true feelings for them please be honest with yourself and your potential partner about it.

Don't do the down low thing. You'll be setting yourself up for a fall and taking an innocent bystander along for the ride.

If you can't get into any women then chances are you aren't into them at all.

Myself, for instance, I can honestly say that if Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry or Beyonce(or all three) were in my room, stark naked, I would probably just ask for their autographs and get them some clothes.

 

 

i do not see myself as the type to go to gay bars, clubs, hang outs, or join Gay/Bi groups! Its just not me

 

haha I wish there was a way for gay/bi guys like myself...to be more involved with the straight mans world!

 

That's cool...I'm not into gay clubs either. I just don't like or agree with the lifestyle that goes on in there. I am seeking monogamy and emotional compatible(as well as sexual compatibility)in a relationship...Not some quick one not stand.

But you should try and go where gay men are, or search them out, if you hope to have the intimate connection you're seeking. There are a lot of great guys out there looking for love...Don't sell yourself short.

 

Also, you can fit into a straight or gay world by simply being yourself. If your friends don't stick by you through thick and thin then they were not worthy of being your friends.

[sexyguy2004]

WOW

Foxlocke! We have a lot in common....and since u have ben through wat im goin through i think i wanta talk to u

 

but yeah...i am at that point! Im trying to give this dating gurl thing a try and see wat happens! I just can seem to pass some barrier! Like I can talk to gurls, I can see them and even date them! Just cant seem to pass the really good friend stage!

 

not to sound cocky at all...but like i said b4 i get hit on by gurls a lot...and asked out! LOL...its just not wat i want! in order for me to b attracted to a gurl she has to be unbelievable (pretty, smart..i mean the full package)!

 

i am getting more and more confortable with myself..including recently getting my ears pierced...and again the gurls love it! but i kno that realistically i am more attracted to guy! and rarely attracted to gurls! in a sense i am afraid to b gay! or admit to being gay (im not sure if i am gay...i think im bi)

 

if i was gay that means no future wife and children...grandkids for my parents and neices and nephews for my brothers and sister! i kno that right now i plan to marry a woman and have kids!

 

thanx for the responses...keep them coming!

[Erk]

haha i might give it a try on here

im 19/m/md

any guys interested LOL!

 

..I live an hour and a half away from you, lol.

[FoxLocke]

WOW

Foxlocke! We have a lot in common....and since u have ben through wat im goin through i think i wanta talk to u

 

Sexyguy, I would definitely talk to you. YOu seem really cool...But we live in different states...damnit...lol.

 

but yeah...i am at that point! Im trying to give this dating gurl thing a try and see wat happens! I just can seem to pass some barrier! Like I can talk to gurls, I can see them and even date them! Just cant seem to pass the really good friend stage!

 

Well, here is something that I learned after dating girls. Emotional attraction and sexual attraction are two entirely different things. A relationship with the emotional component minus the sexual one = A Really good friend. That is how I am with all the females in my life...a really good friend. Because, as you've said, there is a barrier that won't allow me to take it to the next level...And now I'm fine with that.

 

not to sound cocky at all...but like i said b4 i get hit on by gurls a lot...and asked out! LOL...its just not wat i want! in order for me to b attracted to a gurl she has to be unbelievable (pretty, smart..i mean the full package)!

 

I don't want to brag or anything either, but I seem to always get approached by girls too. And it sucks because I want more guys to approach me...lol.

When I was in my denial stage I used to only date girls that were really pretty and dressed extremely well...They made the best "beards" for me because of the whole, "Well, if he's with her then he DEFINITELY CAN'T be gay..." thing. Now, I've opted to just remain single, and not allow anything to happen with my female friends. Eventually, people will start getting the hint that I'm--as we say around here--"Funny."

 

You are a lot like me a few years ago...I thought just because I found women to be beautiful and sweet that I had true, unbridled, animal passion for them. However, I was more concerned about people thinking I was gay. I didn't even WANT to go on dates with women...But I would do it just to keep up an image.

 

i am getting more and more confortable with myself..including recently getting my ears pierced...and again the gurls love it! but i kno that realistically i am more attracted to guy! and rarely attracted to gurls! in a sense i am afraid to b gay! or admit to being gay (im not sure if i am gay...i think im bi)

 

if i was gay that means no future wife and children...grandkids for my parents and neices and nephews for my brothers and sister! i kno that right now i plan to marry a woman and have kids!

 

Oh my god, I can completely relate to you here. I was so VERY afraid of being gay as well, particularly for the main reasons that you have expressed(see my Requiem For A Dream thread)! The primary reason for me staying closeted(and in denial)for so long was the "death" of all my dreams and aspirations. Furthermore, I qrew up in southern pentacostal Baptist background in Texas...And as you know that is not exactly the most gay friendly situation. I was always taught and believed that anything that deviated from traditional marital man/woman sex was an abombmination.

But my biggest problem was that I had NO sexual attraction to girls, and I kept dreaming about and thinking about having sex with guys. I really tried hard to change, I REALLY did. I thought I had a demon inside of me that needed to be exercised. So I got real heavy into church, praying and going to bible studies, while totally renouncing myself as a sexual being.

I even started--like you--saying I was bisexual(holding out some hope that I could have a woman in the picture...only halfway being an abomination), just to atleast acknowledge it. But, even that was a sin according to my church background.

The more I tried to repress my feelings the more it literally started physically hurting. I was having migraine headaches too. At onepoint I thought I was going to go insane...I remember clearly waking up one Sunday morning thinking, "Y'know what? I'm gay..." I allowed myself to just really think about it and reexamine my entire life, and I realized that I'm gay....and with that realization came a sense of calm and peace. Because I was finally being true to myself and not trying to front.

 

Right now you are going through your own process...But I just see so much of you in myself.

 

I used to hold out hope that I would meet the right girl and she would convert me to the straight team...But every girl I dated was NEVER the right one. And no guy my age is waiting for the right girl....They are getting the right NOW girls, and I didn't want either.

It got to the point that I imagined myself being married and cheating on my wife with a man...That's when I realized I was on the complete gay end of the kinsey scale.

 

Who is to say that you can't still have children with another man? Adoption is always an option, and so is a surrogate mother who will carry your own biological child to term for you...

You can still make all your dreams come true, even with another guy by your side. I know it is incredibly rough trying to please your loved ones, but now you have to start thinking about yourself and your own well being, as well as that of a potential mate...Do you really want to be with a woman and not be certain that you can give yourself to her freely?

[Prufrock06]

Wow. Sometimes the personal identification factor with you all and your posts is so on-point to the level of being disturbing, haha.

 

Here I was thinking I was the only one who had this fixation on "The Right Girl" as a way of avoiding acknowledging my real feelings towards other guys. Like you, sexyguy, I was obsessed for a time in college with fantasizing over these idealized women. I would imagine myself married to them, living in a house with them, raising kids with them, growing old with them, etc. Of course, the one thing that was always curiously absent from these fantasies was being physically intimate with them, making love to them, holding them, kissing them, etc. etc. Often times I would have these shallow "crushes" on some of my girl friends just because they seemed to be the perfect "beard" (wow, FoxLocke, what a GREAT term for that!) to cover up what I really fantasized about at night in my private thoughts.

 

Of course, looking back, forming a relationship with any of these girls would have a) been disastrous and b) ruined a perfectly good friendship and I shudder sometimes to think how things would have turned out if I'd tried to force myself into a relationship with one of them. Of course, unlike you guys, I haven't had any dating experience with the opposite sex, save for my date to the 8th grade dance in which we embarked on a two-week "relationship": when I asked her to the dance, she asked me back if we would go as friends or more than friends. I agreed to the latter just for the heck of it and of course we didn't even hold hands or kiss (or even dance that much, come to think of it) but just sat next to eachother in art class, haha.

 

Ah well...at least I know now I'd be a much better boyfriend were I to be in a relationship with someone I really wanted to be in one with -- namely, a guy.

 

But it's good that you're working through these issues, sexyguy. If you feel the need to embark on a relationship with a girl, just to see if the proverbial shoe fits, then go ahead, by all means. And if you'd rather start a relationship with a guy, do that instead. Just make sure not to cram your foot into a size shoe that clearly won't help you walk well or fit comfortably, to extend the shoe metaphor. If you want my honest opinion, it seems to me that you lean more towards wanting to be intimate with guys instead of girls and that you might be gay and are just hesitant to admit it (which is perfectly normal). Please don't take offense, because in the end the only person who can say for certain whether you're merely bisexual or fully gay is yourself. I'm just going by what you've mentioned in your posts.

 

You'll figure things out eventually. At least you're making forward progress, which is always better than standing still or moving backwards.

[FoxLocke]

Here I was thinking I was the only one who had this fixation on "The Right Girl" as a way of avoiding acknowledging my real feelings towards other guys. Like you, sexyguy, I was obsessed for a time in college with fantasizing over these idealized women. I would imagine myself married to them, living in a house with them, raising kids with them, growing old with them, etc. Of course, the one thing that was always curiously absent from these fantasies was being physically intimate with them, making love to them, holding them, kissing them, etc. etc. Often times I would have these shallow "crushes" on some of my girl friends just because they seemed to be the perfect "beard" (wow, FoxLocke, what a GREAT term for that!) to cover up what I really fantasized about at night in my private thoughts.

 

lol...Pru, I had to laugh because I've had all the same sexless fantasies myself. I was really pathetic back then with this idea that I could have a fulfilling marraige without having sex with my wife...It was all about the "Norman Rockwell" portrait, no more, no less.

I laugh about it to keep from being depressed by that period in my life. But it was literally eating me up inside. Even though I had a few dates they were all totally superficial. It was like two buddies hanging out together.