I love her so much it's killing me....

[Halyn]

This is my first post, I'm new to this site, and I just need to get this off my chest and get some feedback cause this is just driving me nuts.

It all started just a little over a year ago, but lets go two years back...to September 2003. I had just started grade 11 and switched schools because I had gone to a junior high school that only went up to grade 10. So I went to this new school, I had a few friends that went there as well, so it was all cool. Grade 11 went by fine.

...Then it was grade 12. November 2004, we had our boat cruise grad event. That's when I began to like her. I'm not going to use her real name, so lets call her Amanda. She was in my geography class too. She's goofy, clutzy, loud, hilarious, amazingly cute, tall, long brown hair, gorgeous blue eyes and she's got natural beauty...like she's SO beautiful without makeup, she doesn't need it! She's definitely NOT fake, she's so real and down-to-earth and I just love her so much. Anyways, I began to really really really like her. She used to be great friends with one of my really good friends (still kind of is, but in a distant sort of way), lets call her Kerri. So after the boat cruise I asked Kerri for Amanda's e-mail address so that I could send her pictures from the event. So we began talking on msn and all and I'd see her at school and we'd say hi and such, but nothing else more.

And about a year ago tomorrow actually (yes, I remember the date lol), her and another friend of mine, lets call her Hannah, came over to do a biology project. I was SO happy and excited, I thought this'd be a great chance to start to get to know her! Well, not really. We'd say hi in the school halls like I said, still, but nothing else more!

But! ...Before I started liking her, I had applied at the place where she works (I didn't know she worked there when I applied, and then when I found out I was like I hope I get hired! lol) but they never called me...until this past August! It took them a few months until they actually called me, so it was a surprise. Apparently they keep resumes and such for when they need to hire, so they called me...I was really excited, and I got hired! So I've been working there for about 4 months now, and I work with her sometimes and now we're pretty good friends.

I had a dinner party for my birthday 5 days ago and she came. Sometimes I think she just came because of the other people who were there (who she used to be good friends with) like Hannah and Kerri because she wanted to see them since she hadn't in a long time. Who knows? I don't know what to do because I am head over heels for this girl, and I am 99.9% sure she's straight as a ruler. She always talks about "hot guys" and stuff like that (but she's never had a boyfriend which is SUPER surprising because she's absolutely gorgeous), but then sometimes she looks at me with these intense mysterious eyes and we just sort of *look* at each other and it makes me hope (even from a distance we do that sometimes, like if she's accross the room from me). You know how sometimes you're just so hopefull that ANYTHING they do...you try to make it out to be some sort of *hint* that they may like you back? She always cracks silly jokes as well like we'll be working and then I'll be moving a big tray and nearly hit her in the chest and she'll say something like "whoa...watch for this area right here" in a jokingly way, and then laugh. She greets me with her amazing smile and she's so friendly, but then there are times when I think she doesn't like me, but I think I'm just paranoid and it's just cause she's tired or in a bad mood or something.

But, although I know she's straight (99.9% sure)...even just to be good friends with her would mean the world to me and I wouldn't THINK of trying to make a move on her or anything, just because I love her so much, I wouldn't want to ruin ANY sort of relationship I have with her. If we became really good friends, I wouldn't wish for anything more. I want so much to hang out with her outside of work, but I don't know how to go about it cause I don't want to make it seem obvious or that I'm desperate or anything. I just really really want this chance, for once. I've never had feelings for someone like this before, but whatever the circumstances I just want to *know* her and be able to have SOME sort of close relationship with her. What do I do?!

Help needed! Is/could she be bi? I think definitely not, but I can hope, right? What are any hints that I could find out? How do I go about strengthening our relationship without being annoying or looking desperate/obvious? I just can't help the way I feel, and it's killing me. Anyone? [-o

[melrich]

I don't know how you would find out if she was possibly bi-sexual or not short of asking her but from what you say it sounds extremely unlikley.

 

About having a friendship with this girl. I'll be honest and say I think you will find that very difficult. You seem to be bordering on obsessed with her and I don't think in your present state of mind you would find it easy to have a balanced friendship with her.

 

It must be very hard.

[Halyn]

Well, we already are sort-of friends. And I don't find it difficult, I actually find it very comforting and when we hang out with other friends or talk at work or whatever, it's perfect. I *know* that I'm not *obsessed* with her, I just mostly want to be friends with her, because she is just so down-to-earth, she makes me laugh, she respects me, she doesn't care what anybody thinks of her...she's just so unlike all the other people out there, you know? I stopped *liking* her for a while, because I know nothing beyond friendship will ever happen, but I guess it's just one of those phases where all of it just comes flooding back.

[melrich]

And I don't find it difficult, I actually find it very comforting and when we hang out with other friends or talk at work or whatever, it's perfect. I *know* that I'm not *obsessed* with her,

 

This does not seem to me to jell with this,

 

How do I go about strengthening our relationship without being annoying or looking desperate/obvious? I just can't help the way I feel, and it's killing me. Anyone? [-o

 

Here is what I am saying. It sounds very unlikely she is bisexual. If that is the case, I think you'll find a straight friendship difficult, people aren't usually desperate to be friends with someone.

 

If she is potentially bisexual, that maybe different but I am unsure how you can find that out short of asking her.

[Halyn]

I know she's not bisexual. I just don't want to lose her altogether. I know I'm being way too paranoid, because we're becoming good friends. I'm just generally a paranoid person and worry about things all the time. Knowing her sexual orientation is the least of my worries, I worry most that I will lose her altogether, as I said. I'm sure it won't happen, but, again, I worry about everything. I'm very happy though...because I've gotten this far, her friendship means more to me than anything, so all should be good.

[melrich]

Well you cant do anything much more than be yourself and behave as any friend would. Sounds like you guys are already pretty friendly, hopefully that will continue to develop naturally.

[Halyn]

I'm hopeful it will. Yes...it's pretty cool because although I was crushing on her, I never was nor am I now nervous around her at all, I can totally be myself, and I love that and am very grateful for that. I just needed to get my story out SOMEWHERE, so I did...and thank you for your thoughts, much appreciated.

[PocoDiablo]

You know what come to mind for me?

 

Play a game of spin the bottle...

 

Okay, maybe not, but just a thought!

[unicornq]

It's really difficult to become good friends with your crush, because it requires you to "switch" your feelings from romantic attraction to friendly care. The process will not be smooth and it is going to take time. But it's possible (at least this happened to me a few years ago).

 

Halyn, in your case, it sounds like you two are already good friends. Don't worry, just let things go its natural course and everything will be fine.

[Halyn]

Spin the bottle hahaha. Too funny.

Well, I think we'd be better off as friends anyway, even if she WAS bi...I don't think it could even work out in a relationship, so, unicorng, I definitely am going to let things just go its natural course, I'm sure it'll all work out fine.

[Halyn]

So yesterday I was meeting up with my ex boyfriend at the mall that I work at because he wanted to catch up with me because he'd gone away to university and just got back a couple weeks ago, and he said he'd meet me at my work place, cause it's an easy meeting area. So I went there and waited for him, and *she* was working, and we started talking a lot and, she knew he was coming to meet me cause I told her, and she says "I'll protect you if anything happens, just call." And I just thought that was so sweet of her. Then when he showed up, she repeated what she'd said and then said "It was really nice seeing you" and then I said the same back to her...I think that this is all just really friendly signals, and I'm liking the way things are going so far.

[unicornq]

Glad to hear that. I wish I could share some of your luck, lol. Hope things will go on to be smooth for you.

[Halyn]

Thanks...yea, I've just come to the conclusion that I just want friendship with her. She's just too good of a person to lose altogether, and her friendship would mean more than anything else. I just don't know how I'm going to go about moving forward, although I know I don't need to rush or push things, I just worry about it all the time, as I said, I'm always paranoid. But hopefully things are looking good.