I Feel So Numb

[SLMitchell918]

I am sure you have all read my previous posts, but if not, My husband had an emotional affair with a woman at work. I did not leave him and we are attempting to work on things.

 

Anyways, I had a great week last week. He called me two or three times a day because he was working in a different area @ work. Which means he didn't go to lunch with her or get to hang out with her on his breaks. So my week was better. I handled everything pretty well.

 

Now this week - he is back in the area where he works with her. I'm not doing the greatest plus, he didn't call me on his breaks like he did last week. Its not a "big" deal, but when something like this happens to you, it makes you look at everything so much more.

 

I sent him a message earlier on his cell phone asking him if he still talked to her. He said " Yes i talk to her but it aint nothing. y?"

 

I'm tore up over this. Im glad he told me that he was talking to her, but honestly IS HE GOING TO TELL ME THAT IT IS SOMETHING? I should expect him to stop talking to her but he doesnt want to be mean. When i ask him the reason for the affair, I get the I dont know, I was just really stupid. I have tried to get other reasons because that is simply just not good enough for me but I've given up because I get the same answer pretty much.

 

Hes been great to me. Thats why everything is harder. He tolds my hand, and trys to make me feel better. we can't have sex. 1- I'm almost 9 months and he doesn't feel very comfortable i suppose. I personally would probably still do it but it isn't as enjoyable. Its just the one time that i want to feel like he wants me sexually, we can't. I dont think sex solves everything and to me it really isn't about the sex its being close to someone.

 

I feel pretty cruddy about a few things.

 

I dont understand why I feel like I'm not good enough anymore. It should be the other way around. he shouldn't be good enough for me. I have good days and bad days. Small things trigger bad days. In the morning before he goes to work, I look at how he is dressed or that he put some "smell good" stuff on. Those things bother me. I want to let it go, but its only been a month and its really hard. I miss looking at our relationship as a forever thing. I hate wonder if I'm wasting my time. I only want a life with someone that loves me with everything they have, is attracted to me, and just to be happy. He insists that he loves me but sometimes I can't help wondering if that is true. How can you love someone and do that to them AND continue to talk to that person. Friendly or not? I keep giving him the benifit of the doubt. I've just been too nice about it really. ](*,) . I've went out of my way to treat him the way I want to be treated. I've got him cards to let him know I love him when honestly, all i want is for him to write me. I want to know the reasons this happened. the " i dont know" just isnt working. So i kept teasing him asking where my christmas card was. He got a piece of paper folded it made a little card and put I love you forever and always , Merry Christmas. Well it was sweet but i dont want a card, I want a letter. Since he doesnt' talk very well about this whole subject and sometimes neither do i, I thought writing would be better for him but I've already figured I"m not going to get that letter because its been a month.....

 

Christmas Eve, we went to bed. He asked me if I was happy with him. He said I seemed so unhappy. & Wanted to know why I was unhappy. Does he not think that I don't have a reason to feel unhappy sometimes? It isn't like I'm totally unhappy 24/7. He sees me staring off into space sometimes and "assumes" that i'm thinking about that or that I'm unhappy but sometimes I'm just thinking about something I need to do. I just don't see how its going to work if I'm constantly going to be scared that when I feel a little down that hes going to get upset and leave me or turn somewhere else. Its not like I'm not trying to heal. Things had been getting better. I wasn't nearly as sad. I'm alittle upset today because i had to ask him if he still talks to her. I am starting to wish I never asked that question. I can't get upset at him for telling me that because If i do and later on I ask him that, He can just tell me that he doesn't talk to her when he does. So I have to act like I dont care even though it eats me up. Its funny, I sent him a message before I asked that question asking if I could ask him a question without it upseting him. He txt me back and asked what did he do? Makes me wonder if maybe he's done something else.

 

I am sorry to keep posting but when you feel all this hurt, its hard to keep it inside. I dont talk to him about it because everyone has told me pretty much to not nag him about it. I've said a lot to him and told him how I feel so I can't keep beating it into his head how badly he hurt me but this isn't easy to get over and it all relys on me. I have to do all the forgiving but its hard to do when she is still in the picture. He can't just quit his job. Our baby is coming in less than one month and his job is VERY good paying considering. So am I overracting because they talk to each other still? At first I was willing to accept it I suppose but the more and more I think about it - the more It upsets me because If i had done something like that , I would be going OUT of my way to avoid that person.

[pineapple_juice]

Tell him to quit his job and to find a new job. That is the only way he can show that he is really over her.

[Jut]

Tell him to quit his job and to find a new job. That is the only way he can show that he is really over her.

God, do you think jobs are that easy to find? What if he quits his job and does not land a new one. How would he feed the family etc?

 

I guess the best bet is to keep a tab, be inquisitive , but dont bug him.

How was your break? What did you eat? I think women know this a lt better than men. And going by what he is doing it does look like he is trying.Also you can tell him directly, and softly, what your fears are and you would be much happier and tension free if he stops hanging out (or talking) to that women.

 

I would like to wait for a women to reply on this though.

 

KellBell...where art thou?

[kere]

I know how u feel I am going through the same thing.....u want to know but u don't want to make a big deal cuz then next time its a lie just to avoid a bad situation...u don't want to nag cuz u don't want to push him away or make him mad...he makes u feel like ur being silly instead of trying to prove ur wrong...and if its nothing and ur love me y are u still putting our relationship in jepordy but still talking to her?????

 

Girl, i feel u...listen to ur heart and follow ur intuition....a woman's intuition is never wrong, if it looks like a duck and smell like a duck and sounds like a duck more than likely it is not a dog.....

 

I know u love him but sometimes u hav to to put that aside for a minute and focus on the love for urself and ur happiness and now the happiness of ur baby. Talk to ur husband set some rules!!!!

[theantibarbie23]

You seriously need to let him know that he NEEDS to stop having conversations with this woman unless it is something that pertains to his job. He still talks to her all the time because he doesn't want to be rude to her?

 

 

How about he stops focusing on HER and thinks about your needs for a change? Isn't him continuously spending time with her during breaks and lunch rude to his wife?! Aren't YOU the person he's supposed to be focusing on right now since you are ready to give birth any time now? It sounds like he just refuses to let go of this woman.... that is a VERY bad sign.

 

You need to lay down the law. You can not work things out by yourself and if he won't stop spending time with this woman in a non professional capacity, things will never be able to heal.

[Bethany]

I know he has a good paying job, and he doesn't have to quit it right away, but he needs to be looking for a new one and pretty darned sharpish as I don't think you will ever get your marraige back on track while she is still in the picture.

 

I hope he is taking paternity leave to help you through the first few weeks and if he is not, you need to sort that out even if he uses his holiday entitlement as I think this could be a good time for you to bond as a family and maybe he will wake up and start loooking for that job by himself.

 

He needs to chose you, honey. You and your baby and that's what it's all about and I think deep down you know this. And until he does make some sort of effort to look for that job, he hasn't moved on and neither will you.

[theantibarbie23]

I know he has a good paying job, and he doesn't have to quit it right away, but he needs to be looking for a new one and pretty darned sharpish as I don't think you will ever get your marraige back on track while she is still in the picture.

 

Start going through the paper and circling the classifieds you want him to call if you have to but I agree, his butt needs to find a new job, PRONTO!

[lovecrazy]

I agree ask him to find another job!

 

I have a friend who still talks to her ex, and her husband knows. He even cosigned on a car with her. And the friends husband is fine with it, because he knows the truth.

 

I have had the similar problem my boyfriend's ex still calls everyonce in a while, and it bothers me. Honestly not sure why, insecurites?

 

But honey you have every right to be upset!