Mixed Mixed Signals

[StephenP59]

Just curious to see if other people have advice/stories etc to unmix me...

 

Been going out for my g/friend 3 years see (previous post) she says she needs a break to do well in her work as she isn't coping I say fine its hard to take as she has time for other things... sports socialising etc which she says she also needs to do. We've been seeing each other over xmas which I 've found uncomfortable as I didn't really want to get too close as I know she is back to uni and I probably won't see/speak to her at all - so this came accross as maybe a bit angry/distant. I suggested NC just as a way of giving her real space, but she wasn't too keen on that I'm pretty much stuck not knowing how long she is gonna need this break she says she still wants to be with me etc does this ever really work or am I heading for a break up or a prolonged semi break up???

[DN]

It seems to me that since she has time for other things than work but no time for you, she is really looking for something or someone else but is putting you on hold as a fall-back. That is why she doesn't want no contact.

 

Decide what is best for you. Personally I would tell her that it should be a break-up and go my merry way looking for someone who does have time for me. If she then changes her mind, now or later, I would then decide what I wanted to do.

[chai714]

You can give her some space while showing her that you'll support her goals of going to school and having a balanced lifestyle.

 

Going NC is not appropriate in this case, IMO. Not communicating is probably the worst thing you can do while in a relationship. thereforeeee, give her some space and don't come accross as needy. I can see that you're trying to protect yourself by distancing yourself from her because you sense a breakup.

 

Show that you can be the man that supports her goals, has his own independence too, and can balance the two.

[StephenP59]

Thanks for your advice, I think I'll just wait till she calls me and wants to chat and just focus on my life for a while, its been hard not getting jealous cos she is quite close to one of her friends and she was texting him alot around xmas which I found a bit weird but I do trust her completely I think I just feel insecure at the moment which is understandable whenever I text I always get edgey when she doesn't text back particularly as she is replying quickly to this other man. I think its time to just ease off and let her and myself work stuff out.

[novaseeker]

A good plan. Your instinct to take care of yourself is a good one. "Breaks" are often (surely not always, but often) preludes to break-ups, and it makes sense to be aware of that and take care of yourself while things are settling out.

[StephenP59]

just a further question cos I suck at all this,

 

She has formed quite a close bond with a male friend - the first in our relationship. He goes climbing with her alot while at university so they see each other quite alot. He helps her with her work which is good cos I can't. They text each other alot - pretty mundane stuff but she'll soend about an hour just text back and forth which annoys me as I'm right in the room and is pretty rude.

She messages him and flirts a bit too, they dance (grind?!) wrestle?!! with each other go to the movies, she gave him a hair cut last week too. She cooked for him when he came back drunk. People at her uni think there is something going on . All this is happening around a break if I mention how uncomfortable I feel about it she reaasures me that nothing is going on and tells me EXACTLY what is going on ie how they dance etc which I no longer want to hear and she feels I'm being possessive. I try not to think about it but it when I step back I think it really unfair I would never let her feel this way. The green monster is definitely growing.....