xmas horror

[elle22]

So, I was dumped by my ex 2 months ago. This is so dysfunctional, I cringe, thinking about it...I guess you could call it an abusive relationship, but in a very devellish, sofisticated way. Me, being crazy about him, and his family my only family in this country, and my best friend married to his brother, I had nowhere to go. Finally, after months of unaccounted for nights he didnt answer his phone or slept "on friends sofas" He told me he met somebody else, it was over, and that was that. We could still be friends, and he wasnt opposed to having sex with me. And it would be ok for me to come over for xmas too, he wasnt bringing anybody....

So, I did. Every time was like being dumped again.

. The day before xmas, I find out from my friend that she met him and his new ###! by chance, and it seemed like he had invited her too for xmas.

So after a night of endless drinking, and another day of drinking and going insane on his phone, I sit here, alone, and he is celebrating xmas with his new thing and my best friend at his moms house.

I am in so much pain, I just want to die. How will I do this? How much pain can one take?

[moondog627]

Hang in there Elle. Lots of people are experiencing pain just like you right now. Things will get better. And you'll be a better, stronger person from all this. Stay strong!

[novaseeker]

You're being treated very badly. Hang in there. Igt's painful now, but you deserve 100% better than what you got from this guy.

 

Set some boundaries for yourself. No contact boundaries. Don't contact him, and don't respond to his contacts. Cut him off for a while, he doesn't respect you.

 

Stop drinking. Go to sleep, sleep it off, wake up tomorrow and don't drink tomorrow. Go for walks. Talk to your family and friends in your own country. Get out of the house. Treat yourself to a movie. But don't sit inside and drink ... it will solve nothing.

 

Take care of yourself in this situation. It's hard, but you'll pull through. Just cut him off for now and focus on you right now.

[Danny H]

Elle, there are many on these boards who are in pain ( why else would be posting at xmas-lol).

 

The pain comes in waves we will be up and then down, but over time the waves get smaller.

 

I can only say- don't drink you'll find yourself trying to answer questions and going around and around in your head till you go crazy, and do stuff which you have to clean up the next day.

 

I have been there, it is so painful.

 

The bloke is being really unfair not letting you have a clean break, and that in itself says that he isn't worth you time at the moment.

 

But if he keeps dangling you from a string saying " you can come over for sex"- I would tell him to F#ck off, he is being unfair to you and his new girl.

[annie24]

No contact right now!!! Your ex is a piece of trash, the way he's been treating you! You need to heal, no contact is what you need. No phone calls, no e-mails, no nothing.

 

He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and that's not ok....

[scheat]

I agree, no contact is the best thing right now. The pain will ease the longer you go without contact. I have been dealing with an ex I still talk to for over a year and it re-opens the hurt each time I do it. Except my xmas present to myself this year was finally saying good-bye. Be stong and know there are other people out there who know how you feel.

[Dako]

You can do this, but if you drink it'll take longer to recover.

Since he's a creep, don't talk to him. Every time you talk to him you volunteer to be hurt more. If you get weak, post here instead because we care.

[Hope75]

We could still be friends, and he wasnt opposed to having sex with me.

So, I did. Every time was like being dumped again.

 

Hi Elle,

 

 

Welcome to the boards. I'm sorry that you are having a hard time.

 

This is the thing you wrote that stuck out to me the most. I know you are hurting, but do you think sleeping with him is helping you heal and get stronger and get over him?

 

Every time you are with him you get rejected all over again and it's like tearing open a scabbed over wound.

 

Honey, I know this is going to be hard, but I think the only way for you to respect yourself and begin to heal is to create some distance between he and you and to go NC and don't let him continue to hurt you any longer.

 

Do you think you can do that?

[capricorn85]

Hey Elle!

 

I'm sooo sorry this had to happen to you. My ex dumped me three months ago. Please start NC from now! How dare him do that to you! I agree with Hope, create the distance! Right now he feels like he has you on a string. Look at what he is doing to you. YOU DESERVE BETTER. Trust me, I know right now it seems like you will never get better, but you will. Get a journal and write down your feelings (it helped me). Take care of yourself and keep us updated. ***Hugs***