Worst Xmas Ever!! Hurt by Ex again!!

[Broken_Toe]

Hi evryone and Merry Christmas!!

 

I have a feeling this could be long so plese persevere!!

 

It all started last nite. Was out having xmas eve drinks and spoke to a friend who also knows my ex. She told me that less than a week after me and my ex broke up she went back to...lets call him Dave.....Daves house after his dads funeral and did some sexual things with him. Bit of background needed here...

 

Me and Dave were good friends before i had even met my ex...however....when me and my ex were together for a couple of months my ex and dave were texting each other behind my back (my ex telling him she fancied him!!) they nearly but never hooked up. When i found out, she chose me, i forgave her, the txting stopped....until a few months later when we had a big row and he text her and it all started again!! Like an idiot I forgave her again and we carried on for another 3 months before we finally split in august. As soon as we split she must of been all over dave culminating in what happened. After that Dave started to ignore her and she felt a fool.

 

The day after she hooked up with dave after his dad's funeral she called me and I was suspicious so i questioned her but she denied anything had happened. She lied.....again!!

 

So (if your still readin haha!) last nite i finally found out the truth when i was a drunk. I was devastated i had always said that so long as she didnt get with dave id be alright because if she did it would make me feel used and that when they were texting each other she did fancy him more than me, her own boyfriend!! (she stayed with me coz i was the safe option! oh and we had a big holiday booked!!) Needless to say i sent a very nasty text message last nite which resulted in her new bf calling my house at 7am xmas morning to threaten me!! Then i have her best friend texting me giving me abuse for the messeage i sent my ex.

 

What upstes me is no-one has thought about me in all this an how i feel especially about what i found out about her and dave!! I send one text message and i'm the bad guy compared to her 6 months of solid abuse in our relationship. Sad thing is i still miss her and think about her all the time and i cant move on because we go out same places, she shops where i work and we have mutual friends who like to tell me things i dont want to know!!

 

I am hurting so much and its xmas day!! Part of me thinks i'm right for being mad at her and hurt but then part of me thinks i have no right to be because no matter how long it had been for, we were broken up and she was a free agent....i guess i just expected a little more from her?!

 

I just wish i could move on. On a sidenote her new bf is in the army during the week and comes home at weekends. Until recently, during the week she was meeting up with another lad and then seeing her bf when he came home on the weekend!! The weekday lad now works with me on my department!! Awkward much?

 

If youve made it this far god bless you and all your family!! Happy holidays and any words of advice, support or encouragement are most welcome! I just don't know what to do anymore...I am so alone!!

[CarterJonas]

Don't feel too guilty about the text. After-all they were texting each other behind your back, which Dave seems to have forgotten about before coming round to your house today. Don't take his threats though and if he comes round to your house again whack him one. Nonetheless it is best now to put it down to experience, learn and try and move on. Don't waste your time on her. Best of luck.

[Broken_Toe]

Thanks man appreciate the reply!! Its just hard all this happening at xmas, and we had a death in the family yesterday too which is the icing on the cake!! All I can think of is them together now playing happy families thinking i'm at home all scared and it just makes me angry!!

[annie24]

You are not alone Look, forget your ex and forget dave. They deserve each other. Blah. Now, once the novelty of the relationship wears off, she will start text messaging Mike, Paul, and Steve behind Dave's back, while he's off in the army.

 

Be thankful this christmas that she is no longer your problem. I think this is one of the best blessings you could have ever received. Now you can meet a good girl who isn't going to mess around with others behind your back.

 

This is really the best christmas present you could have gotten.

[Broken_Toe]

Thanks for the reply annie it really means alot!! I have tried to look at in this way, and you are right. Still hurts to be alone though. First time since 2001 so its strange, am bored!! Its bad enough what happened but now when i'm out and about town am gonna be constantly loking over my shoulder in case her new bf comes after me! He's a BIG soldier!! I'm 23 she's 17, maybe thats the problem. God, arent i meant to be to old for all this carry on? Am sick to death of being depressed and sooooo negative!! Aaaaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!

[annie24]

She sounds really immature. I bet her new bf won't go after you. He just wanted to "bark like a dog" for a bit. Just in case, it might not be a bad idea to learn some martial arts, or to carry mace with you.

 

Yeah, you are too old for high school games. She is far too young for you. Go out and find a WOMAN.

[CarterJonas]

She is far too young for you. Go out and find a WOMAN.

 

I agree with that as well. People, both male and female, do a LOT of growing up between 16 and 21, give and take a few years. Thats why many relationships that blossom during this period don't last for long. Also try and not worry about things you cannot change.

 

Being single isn't that bad you know! And who knows how it will be in 6 months time.

[Broken_Toe]

Thanks for your kind replies guys you are really helping me thru this!! I always felt she was too young i was just too weak to break up with her coz she was filling a hole in me!! Am trying to put this issue to bed once and for all but i cant because i cant send text messages prob coz its xmas day and the networks overloaded!! My xmas has been ruined coz ive been in a state of anxiety all day coz of all this hassle!! I never had xmas dinner with my family or anything just stayed in my room alone!

[Danny H]

Broken Toe, the new BF won't come after you, so don't worry.

 

Your friend Dave is no real friend so ditch the bast#rd.

Your old GF sounds like she is so insecure she can't commit to anything, and that wasn't your fault.

She will carry on like this with the new guy, so don't worry yourself about the " Happy families" they are playing, because she is cheating on him already.

Man she would mess up a saint, set yourself free, unless she radically changes she isn't worth your time.

Best to you

Dan

[Broken_Toe]

Thanks Dan!! Appreciate it!! I know am best out of it but for some resaon i struggle to let go coz i am alone!! I feel like i'm never gonna meet someone and i'm never gonna be happy!! By the whats peoples opinions on this: Her best friend text messaged me and said I had no right to be annoyed at the sexual things that happened between my ex and dave after we split up coz we werent together anymore!! But we had only been broken up a week!! It seems disrespectful and too soon after for me? Is she right though we WERE broken up and she was a FREE agent?

[Danny H]

I'm afraid she was correct, It is soul destroying when somebody hooks up with somebody else so soon, and I guess it will always hurt, if you still have feelings, but that is the nature of separated. You have no control over her, BUT she has none over you.

 

I would be pis#ed that she was texting your " friend" when you two were together, but that seems to be part of a pattern with her.

 

She needs to grow up and stop messing people around ( especially if they care for her)

 

Good luck

Dan

[Belle]

I always felt she was too young i was just too weak to break up with her coz she was filling a hole in me!!

 

Sounds like you dodged a bullet here. Too bad you didn't dodge it sooner, like when she first started texting that guy but you will have learned something when this is over.

 

You'll get over this, and probably sooner than you think. I would focus now on trying to fill that hole. I wasted so much time grieving over a fantasy that I missed out on almost a year of life. That's too much negative energy to spend on an undeserving person. I wish I had used that time more constructively, like filling it with my interests, learning something new, meeting new people.

 

If you can, try to spend this time filling the hole.

 

Best of luck,

 

Belle

[Broken_Toe]

Thanks Belle and Dan for the replies!!

 

Now that a couple of days have passed i feel a little better. It does help that EVERYBODY ive spoken to about this have all said the same thing, that i have had a lucky escape!! I know i'm a lot better off without her I just wish i had some one, y'know? so lonely!! My problem is that i havent got the self esteem or self confidence to get out there, ask some girls out and play the whole dating game. I'm the guy stood in the corner with the guys, beer in hand, laughing and joking all nite ignoring girls. Even when an opportunity arises i completely bottle it!!

 

I just feel (my ex is partly to blame for this) that i am the ugliest person on the planet and that no girl would ever find me attractive or be interested in me....at this point i do really feel i'm going to be alone forever, and i'm only 23!

 

I am just so down and depressed and nothing seems to cheer me up!! I feel such a fool and feel i have surrendered my pride and dignity to my ex.....its horrible!! Meanwhile...she's all happy and loved up with her new fella (who shes already cheated on) and its really annoying the amount of male attention she's had compared to the big fat 0 attention from girls ive had!

 

Oh well, i'm off to a wedding tomorrow then i'm going to a killer new years eve party at my friends house. He is a professional footballer (soccer player for our American friends hehe!) who plays for the greatest team in the world "L-I-V-E-R-P double O L, Liverpool F.C" in the English Premier League. Should be a huge fantastic party full of footy players, so for a big Reds fan like me its going to be amazing!! One silver lining i suppose!!

 

Ohhh well, I'm just sick of this, i wish i was stronger!! (or better looking!!)

 

Thanks for reading. Hope you's all have a great New Year's Eve no matter what you're doing!!

 

Love and Peace

 

Ant.

[healinginnyc81]

Broken toe, I'm 24 and I feel exactly like you do. my ex gf is out having fun and flirting with guys while I'm depressed and very low in self esteem.

 

But what I try to remember is that I did date her and she is attractive and same for you, you were dating this girl; so there's no reason for us to think that we can't get another girl.

For now though I think for both of us it's best not to think about dating until we've gained a little self esteem by doing things that make us feel good and that we are good at. Hang out with friends who appreciate you and that you can laugh and joke around and make you feel good about yourself.

 

Most of all we need to stop thinking of the ex's at all. Let them have their fun now, we will have our fun soon. I try not to concern myself at all with what my ex is doing. I have myself to take care of and I am not in competition with her to see who can get over this first and who can get a rebound first. Take your time, it's your life to live for you, not to impress anyone else.