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Am I wasting my time?


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Yesterday I bought this guy I was kind of seeing a Christmas gift and I told him that while I was shopping during the week I would probably stop by his place (he lives next to the mall) and give it to him. He said that it was okay to and that I am welcome at his place anytime.


I texted him saying that I was at the mall. I never heard from him and found out that he was online around the time I texted him. I was so upset that I deleted him off of my friends list. I wish I didn't and now I feel kind of stupid about it and don't know what to say to him if anything. He still hasn't talked to me (maybe b/c he saw that I had deleted him off of my list).


It wasn't like anything was really progressing between us. He only asked me out on a date once and we met somewhere half way between where the both of us live and since then I have stopped by his house a couple of times. The first weekend we met we hung out both days. That is the interaction we've had in a two month period. We would talk on the phone every two to three days for awhile but since about a three weeks ago we haven't talked on the phone as much. For those who know a little about my story we kissed the last time we hung out and I didn't hear from him in 5 days until he texted me. Then a couple days later I called him but he didn't answer. Then he called a couple of days later after I made an appearance at the bar he hangs out at (I briefly chatted with him but danced with other guys). I didn't answer the first time he called, but answered when he called me while he was at work the next morning. That was when I told him I would drop the gift at his house.


I do like him and I want to at least make sure that there is no tension between us. A part of me wishes that it could work out, but I know it takes two to work it out and I have this feeling that most likely he won't call unless he didn't know I deleted him. I feel like I'm making a lof of effort and I wish I knew how he felt, but I have a feeling that he just doesn't want to progress because he doesn't want anything serious with anyone since he got out of a four year relationship over three months ago. I know I shouldn't wait around and I won't, but I also don't want to close the door and feel like I made stupid mistake.


What should I do? Should I call him? Should I even make effort since I haven't heard from him? Do you all think its odd that he hasn't offered to come visit me where I live? Am I wasting my time?

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Hi there,

It looks to me like this guy is not that enthusiastic about seeing you. I would think that if he was really interested in having something with you he would be calling you, asking you out, coming by your house to pick you up. Sure the fact that he has not offered to come visit you says something : He will not go out of his way for you. I'm sorry, but I think when a man is interested in a woman it shows.


Try not calling him and see if he makes any effort to see you. If he doesn't bother then you will know you were a bit more interested in him than he was in you.

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trust me on this one - i am going through the EXACT SAME thing. Ignore him for awhile. I started ignoring this guy, not purposely, but i just got busy. well the next day he calls me 3 times, sends me an email. then today i had my msnger off at work so he thought i went home early without saying hi to him so he txt messages me and sends me an email saying how sorry he is that he let me down and all this. I just laugh cuz i'm not even itnerested anymore. Sucker!! lol no but honestly, give him some time, if he likes u he will come around. if he doesn't come around, well then at least you know how he really felt about you right? Then it would be time to move on and find a new hottie. good luck girl!!

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After I read what I wrote to myself I could see how unbalanced efforts were between him and me.


I can see why you think that I shouldn't call him. Most likely he will call if he sees me at the bar again acting like I don't care and meeting other guys. If I see him there's no problem casually saying "hello" right? I just need to make it brief. I think that would probably show him that I'm not upset.


I cannot understand what it would be like after a few months since breaking up with someone one has been with for four years, so I want to be open minded by trying to accept the fact that he probably just wants to date one person for awhile and then look for someone else since the last thing on his mind is spending a lot of time with one person. I know if someone really likes someone else that person will make effort, but I know it's not me but where he is at in his life now. That is why I don't want to close the door. We are both very attracted to each other and I think he likes a lot of qualities that I have, but apparently it's not enough. He just doesn't want the experience and I do, so we aren't matching up in that way. That is why I want to talk to him and am wondering if I should even say what's on my mind so we can still keep in touch every so often. But I'm guessing I should wait until he makes effort...???

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Now I am thinking that if I don't say anything at all it will surprise him and he will see that I have enough self respect to not let a guy ignore me like that and if I am with someone else he will see that perhaps I am not interested in him any longer, which will either make him realize what he's missing or he will be stupid enough to look for someone else lol.

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Doesn't he already know you like him? If that's the case then he knows the door is wide open. It's funny how we sometimes think we have to do something definitive. Then there's these other guys who come around calling, they are there without any "sign" that the door is wide open. Know what I mean? or has that not happened to you yet ?

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If you avoid talking with him in the attempt that it will make him more interested in you, then you are just playing a game with him and yourself. You could be setting yourself up for major disappointment.


Try not to be so hung up on this guy. You have displayed your interest, he knows. Rather or not he's not interested or just confused and not sure what he wants, ball is in his court for something more. You can still contact him and be friends if you wish, but try to not get your hopes up on something more.

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Well he texted me a "Merry Christmas!" and the weird thing was I got it after midnight. Then I noticed that my friend has the same wireless carrier and it was just today that my friend got my "Merry Christmas" text that I sent on Christmas! I thought that most likely my texts were delayed and the guy didn't get them when they were meant to be sent. Anyway, I replied to the text yesterday (no telling if he's gotten it or not) and haven't spoken with him. I went to country night at the bar he and I go to and I briefly saw him, but I don't think he saw me. He left when I got there (I arrived pretty late). I talked to his friend and he was the one who brought up the guy I'm interested and said that he left. Well I had fun night anyway, but I guess I should give up on the whole thing. Oh well, I hope we can still be friends.

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