Classic Mistakes

[lonely days]

I am new here and i was just wondering if anyone has gotten back with there ex after making all the classic mistakes ie. pressuring, reasoning and whining. My ex girlfriend and i are still in contact and everything is great until there is talk of the relationship.

[darkblue]

Hi, and welcome to enotalone.

 

It is possible to reconcile - but that is determined by the individuals.

[lonely days]

There is nothing more than i would love for x-mas then to be reunited with my ex-girlfriend. We were to gether for 5 years and the break up has left me without my house, job, dog and most of all the girl i love. I tried to hard to get her back and just pushed her further away. I've made alot of personal changes that would definitely make the relationship better, but i guess she has to really believe that it will make a difference. One other thing, can feelings be reignited under certain circumstances. To my knowledge the feelings people have for one another are always there and sometimes they just have forgotten where to find them. Does that make any sense.

[darkblue]

It is possible that feelings change, as people change and as circumstances change.

It does not happen over-night, however. And if I invested 5 years of my life with someone, I know that I would not just foget about my feelings.

 

Was it a marriage or just a relationship?

Is it her house/dog?

[lonely days]

it was our house but in her name and it was our dog. we were living together for 5 years. She says the feelings are still there but she is not in love with me, can that spark be reignited or once its gone its gone forever, I know i was not perfect in the relationship and i had a drug problem mainly smoking the ganj day in day out for years. Now i am completely off the stuff and she knows it.

[darkblue]

Absense is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great — Bussy-Rabutin, French soldier and writer (1618-1693)

[coooolsome]

You have to let her go and figure things out for herself. How can you do this? Start NC. She cannot miss you when you are in contact with her. Give it a month or 2 and then get back in contact if you still want to. Then take things slow. Do not push, or pressure. Let her call you, do not do all the contacting. Realize that if you are going to get her back, then you need to accept that she is not coming back and play things that way. It could take many months and you need to be very patient. Become the person she first fell in love with.

[lonely days]

Thanx for the advice, she does call regularly and she is the type of person that if you ignore her she's just going to ignore me and i believe that would be counter-productive. I am the person she fell in love with, she laughs and carries on like we are still together so i have a hard time not asking her if i can come home

[Danny H]

Dark blue, I love that quote.

It just goes to say there is nothing we go through now which hasn't been experienced for many, many years.

[healinginnyc81]

My ex broke up with me 2.5 weeks ago, I went NC until yesterday when we had a nice talk about everything that happened. She says she has lost attraction for me and that she was having trouble being herself around me but then she said that she sees the possibility of us working things out after spending enough time having our own lives. I replied that if nothing else, I hope we can be friends. I didn't ask her if she wanted to get back with me or if there was hope for us or anything, she just said that.

I told her that I just wanted to spend time being me and learning to enjoy my life.

I'm not getting my hopes up for us getting back together because I know it will take a long time for her to remember me the way I was when we first met instead of remembering how we were the last few months. Instead, I'm trying to take everyone's advice and focus on my own issues and my own interests and my own life. I want to reach a point where I can say I will be happy without having a significant other. Until I reach that point, I won't be able to have a good relationship with anyone.