Help

[dese425]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months, and he has started to say he is unhappy in our relationship. But he said he really cares about me and wants to work it out.

 

We started dating shortly after he ended a very intense relationship w/someone else, and he had said they were not right for each other and he was unhappy w/her. He has also told me that he has a lot of mental issues to work out right now, and is not happy w/his life. He isn't happy w/his job. He has stated that he has commitment issues and doesn't do relationships well. But he wants to try to make it work w/me.

 

He is a great guy and I really care for him, but I'm worried that he isn't really ready for a real relationship, and if I stick by him while he tries to work it out I might wind up getting hurt.

 

What do I do?

[annie24]

Hi and welcome to eNotalone.

 

I don't know how much you can do, because it seems like those are all of his issues. Have you suggested he talk to a therapist about stuff? Maybe he should tackle on thing at a time: ie, work first, then the commitment issues.

 

I think that the best thing you can do is be supportive, but not overbearing, if you understand what I mean....

 

good luck

[darkblue]

Hi there, and welcome to enotalone.

 

I can see why you think he may not be ready for a relationship - if he has increased stress in his life at present.

It looks like he has asked for room and space to heal, and I think it is only right that you give him it.

Whether or not you care enough about him to wait it out, and stick around - knowing that you will be the supportive friend for a considerable time - is your decision.

 

Good luck.

[kellbell]

Hi there and welcome!

 

Well, it depends on you. This guy does not travel light so it depends on whether or not you want to help him unpack it. After 4 months, I don't know. That's a pretty short relationship to be dealing with such heavy issues. I know you feel like you want to help and stick by him no matter what because you care but he is the only one who can help himself. Don't try to take on too much and make his problems your problems. You'll resent him for it.

 

So take things very slowly and make sure he helps himself, just be there to guide him and be his coach. I know it doesn't sound like it is enough but believe me, it is. Good luck with everything and take care.