can parents influence ex to get back together???

[renaissancewoman101]

This is just a curiosity question. It does pertain to me, but I am moving on with my life and am moving to San Diego by the end of this month. My ex has currently moved on and is dating a new girl who is only 18 years old. I am moving on with my life, even though I do have some residual feelings for my ex. On a practical level, I do know the ex is not a good match for me.

 

On a previous post, I had mentioned that my ex's mother had called me to tell me that there was still hope in getting the ex to come back to me. She thinks she can work miracles in getting the ex to come back. She tells me the ex still has feelings for me and if I get rid of my best friend and his bf and dont concentrate on them, then there is a BIG possibility that the ex may come back. She wants me to keep in contact with them and limited contact with the ex and if I do as she says, there is a BIG possiblity ex will come back to me. My ex's mother really likes me and wanted me to eventually end up her daughter in law.

 

I still have feelings for the ex and sometimes do wish to have him back in my life. Her phone call has given me some hope, which I KNOW I SHOULD NOT HAVE. Has anybody ever been in my shoes with an interfering ex's mother? Can there BE any hope? Ex is really under the thumb of his mother.

[darkblue]

Well, if she does have an influence - she shouldn't.

 

You say that you don't feel he is right for you - so why use the word 'hope'?

[DN]

If she is wrong that means more heart-break for you if you hold out hope or delay your plans.

 

If she is right and can influence him enough to get you back together, realise that she will be similarly interfering in every aspect of your relationship from here on in.

 

Do you really want a guy who would let his mother influence him that much about his relationships?

[renaissancewoman101]

I do still have feelings for the ex and for the longest time, I had been hoping that there was a chance that the ex would come back to me. I had gone out with the ex a few times in the hopes of getting him to come back to me. It was just only recently that I gave up hope and decided to move on with my life, hence me moving away from here to San Diego. The first time the ex took a break from me (that time he thought I was smothering him), he came back within a week and I had talked to his mother a day after he broke with me. I was so freaked out then because I had no idea why he did what he did and I knew that his mother liked me and thought I was good for the ex, so I called her. She told me to lay low for a while and leave the ex alone and she would talk to him to see what was going on. Three days later, the ex calls me and tells me he misses me and wants to try to get the feelings back.

 

This time, I was trying to get over the ex and move on with my life. Then his mother called me earlier this week and gave me hope. Now, I am confused. I may send the parents a Christmas card as something to show them that I still care, now that I know they are NOT hostile to me. Earlier in the breakup, my ex was telling me that his parents didnt want to deal with me at all and from the way he put it, I thought his parents were mad at ME so I stayed away from them and didnt really try to contact them.

 

Now that the ex's mother called me, I know that she is still on my side and wants us to get back together. She DOES want me to move away to San Diego and get my life back together but to keep in contact with them and limited contact with the ex so as to sort of keep the gate somewhat open in case it can work out. I dont know anymore. I know the mother is upset that he broke up with me because I was decent for him, more decent than ANY of the other girls he has brought home.

 

Previously, I had written that the mutual friend of me and the ex now hates the ex because of his drinking. The last two times I met up with my ex, he has begged me to talk to the mutual friend to see if things can be patched up because he is hurt that she is dissing him. I talked to the mutual friend and want to have him and the mutual friend patch things up before I move away so that it doesnt lay heavily on my conscience. The mutual friend is willing to meet with me and the ex and discuss this out and try to reconcile the both of them. Do you think this is a good idea? I am moving away and I feel somewhat responsible that there is a rift between the ex and the mutual friend, and the ex has been begging me to try and heal that rift for him. This is an opportunity.

[renaissancewoman101]

DN, my ex is like a teenager, he rebels against what his mom wants him to do, but eventually, he does what she wants, because he doesnt want to hear her yell at him all the time. She browbeats him, that is why he doesnt stay home a lot.

 

I do want to get back together with the ex, but I had put those feelings away so that I could move on with my life. The ex's mother calling me out of the blue has unnerved me a lot and made me want him back again, esp now that I know she still is on my side.

 

I am moving away. I just dont know what else to do. I need to get away from here. But, I still love and care for the ex. I just wish I knew what type of timeline I am working with.

 

Part of me wishes the mother had not called me because now it will be hard for me to start over new out there again, since this will be hanging over me as I look for new guys to date out there.

[nataliejulie]

In my longest relationship (3 years), my ex's mother and I were very close. Even when she would see me passing or at work, she would hung me and still tell me she loved me.

He was even your typical mother's boy.

 

But what it mostly comes down to -- we will all do what we want to do. And no matter what, their mothers will always want them to be happy.

[LiquidCherry]

When my boyfriend broke up with me it was painful in many ways, one of them being that I was close to his family, especially his mother. About a week after we broke up she called me crying. She really wanted us to get back together. She told me that she didn't know why Jeremy was giving up "one of the best things that ever happened to him" and really thought that he would come back to me. It turned out she was right BUT I am so glad she had nothing to do with our getting back together. If she had pressured him or convinced him in any way.. How would I ever be sure that it was HIS decision? If an ex comes back it has to be their choice and their's alone. Anything less is just a recipe for disaster.

[renaissancewoman101]

I know that in order to have a good relationship or potential for a good one, if the ex comes back, it has to be the ex's decision alone. I know that. I just posted about this question because I wanted to know if other people have been in my situation before and what was the outcome. My ex does rebel against his mother a lot of times but he also does what she wants too. I am not sure what to say anymore.

 

I called the ex tonight to tell him that I had talked to our mutual friend and she was willing to talk to him and discuss why she was not talking to him and maybe work things out with their friendship. The ex was indifferent to me tonight. I dont think he expected to hear from me. I could tell he was waiting for, or expecting a call. We had some small talk and I told him what I had to say about meeting up with his friend and talking out their problems. I told them that I wanted them to clear the air between them because I didnt want to leave thinking that I was the cause of the breakup in their friendship. He told me he was busy and didnt have time for it, but maybe he would do it after the holidays. He said he would call her son. He told me he had been very busy with work and didnt know if he was still going to have a job after the holidays. I told him that I didnt want to meet up with him before I moved away because I didnt have time and he was like "ok". I picked a stupid time to call him because I could tell he was waiting for a phone call. Oh well!!!!

 

The way he was tonight, I personally DONT think we can ever get back together again. He was indifferent, kind of like he was waiting for a phone call and I was bugging him. I dont know how his mom can think he still has feelings for me.

 

I am moving on but I will keep in touch with the mother. For now!!!!

[Hope75]

Ultimately it will be HIS decision, not his mother's.

 

Since he's moved on and is seeing someone else, you are doing the right thing by moving on yourself.

 

Best of luck with your move!

[renaissancewoman101]

Hope75, thanks for the good wishes. I never knew how expensive or how time consuming it is to plan for a move. The move alone is going to cost me about $2000, not including the car, which I am probably going to drive out. Packing is time consuming too.

 

As for the ex, I am moving on with my life. But, his mother's phone call raised up some feelings I had hoped to forget about. I guess I still do care about him a lot. After talking to him tonight about having him meet up with the mutual friend to talk it out with her about why he feels she is dissing him, I dont think there is any chance of us getting back together. I still dont see how his mom thinks he still has feelings for me, but then he does tell her everything that he might not always tell me. I dont know, but she knows a lot about our relationship, even stuff that I had told him not to tell anybody else. So, she probably has a good idea how he feels. I dont know.

 

I am moving on, but part of me wants to keep a small flame alive for him, for the time being. I will keep in touch with his mother, which should help.