WOW what do I do?!

[kinabarbie18]

Hi!!! Thank you in advance to anyone who replies I Could really use some advice, and I am new to this site...this is my first post! Let me start off with the small basics. I am 18 years old, married when I was 17 and now getting a divorce. I have been married to the devil (litterly) for a little over a year. It is a really long story with my husband. You name it, he's said it and he's done it; emotionally and physically. That is a story that I will get into later!!! Okay so here is my deal. As bad as this may be, and sound I am looking for some positive advice. I have met two people one before I was married (of whom DOES NOT know Im married) and I've met one who does know that I am married. Lets call them Jim and Bob. I met Jim 2 years ago, before I was married but yes I was engaged. I was 16 at the time and this guy was 19. I only spent a few weeks with him before he left (he is army) and it was never physical. As time has went by I am still speaking to him and have visited on two occasions where he lives. We then got physical, and kind of developed a b/f - g/f relationship, and I still speak with him to this day and he DOES NOT KNOW I am married. I really like this guy, and could really see myself with him but there are too many lies there and I dont know what to do!!! Okay the other one is Bob, this one is complicated. Bob is a guy I met through my best friend. My best friend "hooked up" with this guy two years back, come to find out he likes me. So one day I call him and we talk and it all went from there. My best friend DOES NOT know I am seeing him on a regular basis - at all seeing him for that matter. I don't have the guts to tell her that I like him, because I don't know how she will take it. Even though IT was two years ago and she is getting married. I have been physical with Bob and I do like him and there are no lies to him, besides the fact that my friend CANNOT find out!!! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME WHAT DO I DO?!

[shorty20]

ok.. wow... ur 18? and married? Were you always this flighty when you were married? If so, it could be a possibility why the marriage didn't work out. I'm sorry hun, I'm not claiming to know everything, but girls like you are why everyone always bashes people getting married at a young age. I don't have any advice to you other than to just grow up before you try to get into another relationship, and to wait a LONG time before thinkng about marriage again.

[RayKay]

I think you need to start being honest with these people, as well as with yourself.

 

You cannot have a healthy relationship based on dishonesty, so the best thing is start making some decisions to end this bitter cycle.

 

I also REALLY recommend you take some time to yourself...single...for a while before you jump into any relationship. While your marriage is apparently not one that was a happy affair, you will still have a lot of wounds to heal from, and you need to work on yourself, and learn from it, before you enter another relationship so soon.

 

It's really not fair to Jim right now to be "leading" him on in essense about how you two really are, and the whole relationship is based on something he BELIEVES about you, rather then the truth. I am not sure how he will feel once he finds out, as there will be issues with that, and also with the fact you cheated to be with him, but he does deserve the right to make those decisions for himself rather then just be led on to believe things are as they are. How do you think it would be if you kept hiding it, and one day the truth DID come out, when you were say, preparing to get married to him?

 

Now with Bob, just tell her. She is getting married, she may be a little upset you lied to her so long, but two years is a long time ago..they hooked up, were not involved apparently.

 

But again, I cannot stress how important it really is YOU take time for YOURSELF. While your marriage may have been emotionall and physically abusive, I don't know, there were still two people involved in it, and you need to look at what got you there, how to learn from it, communicate and deal with issues (aka not by cheating). Build your relationship with YOURSELF first and foremost, learn to know, and love whom you are. With that I hope along comes it some lessons on commitment, respect, love, and that you wait a very good while before you rush into marriage again.

 

Good luck.

[Relationship Coach]

KAB,

I agree with RayKay, honesty will seldom put you in a position as you are in now. Lies are good for one thing, covering up other lies. Unfortunately, the cycle never stops once in motion. Before you do anything get out of the marriage if those are your real intension's.

 

The guy that does not know your married tell him once the divorce is finalized. The guy that knows you are married and your best friend doesn't know, break it off with him as well and let your friend know what was going on. Once you are divorced then make your decisions as to who you want to be with.

 

It might just be that you like the allure of sneaking around, change your life and see the change in your results. Karma is more than just a word.

[Süsser Tod]

Why not getting your life straight before jumping into the next hole?

 

Girl, learn to live by yourself. Its not like you need someone else to be happy.

[Shadows Light]

Age 17 and married??? are children involved here?

 

I'm up with everyone else. Honesty is the best policy. Be straight up with everyone. Get through your divorce before spinning a new web... you'll just back yourself up into a corner you can not get out of.

 

The great thing about your age is you bounce back quicker. Look toward your future and what you really want out of life... aside from a love interest. Learn to love yourself more. Value yourself. Find happiness from within.