I have a plan... through April 20th.

[octopus]

Everyone: I have a plan. I need your ideas and support.

 

From every feeling I've experienced in the past 2.5 weeks after my breakup and from what you all have said in this forum, I know there's NOTHING I can do to change the feelings in my ex's heart. I love him still, so it's painful and unfair (for me). And i realize that if there's ever a possibility of him coming back, it will only be by me moving on, completely.

 

Here's what I'm going to do. I'll be moving out from his place on December 30th and 31st. (I wont see him until then) I'll see him on those 2 days and then start NC until my birthday on April 20. I will live my own life, travel, pretend that I had to spend 4 months in a different planet, and I don't have access to him or he doesn't even exist. Basically I will re-build my own life, even date other people, and fill the gap that he used to fill, with a lot of other activities.

 

When April 19th comes, I will stop and think.

Do I still miss him?

Would I still like to be together?

Do I still dream about him?

 

If 4 months later I answer YES to any of those, I will grant myself the right to call him on the 20th and ask to go out to dinner. I will prepare myself that he might be....

 

1) completely over me

2) married

3) happily dating someone or

4) single and missing me.

 

He might even say NO to my dinner offer. But the assumption I'm making is that by the time April 20th comes, I should pretty much be over him and should not be hurt if he tells me anything I didn't want to hear. Furthermore, it might be such that when April 20th comes, I might not want to call him up!

 

What do you all say? Do you think I can find the will power to do NC until then, with the small hope that we really did have as good of a relationship as I think we did and thereforeeee there might be sparks 4 months later, after we've both had enough time to chill and think?

 

A break-up is like a disease, it's like a sickness. It started out very bad, and it will take a long time to completely heal. Certain times during the day, my heart hurts so much that I think I'm going to die. I think that I won't be able to survive without him. Other times, I feel strong and happy that I'm moving on, and that I'll be dating again. There's always the bitterness of 'rejection' but there's the sweetness of good times too. There's the need to call him up, hoping to find him, and talk to him like before, like he was always there and nothing happened. But like I said this is a disease and it will only get better if we avoid everything that makes it feel worse. Remember SuperDave's analogy: if you had a broken arm, would you wrestle with it? It will heal and one day, just like all the others before, when I look back I will neither remember the love I had for him, nor the pain he made me go through. But that day might be far away.

 

So to survive NOW, i'm playing this little April 20 game with myself. What do you say?

[hockeyboy]

i think that by the time that comes you'll have no interest in calling him.

[Day_Walker]

Hopefully by that time you wont have any more interest in him and if you still have an interest in him, then your healing didnt take place.

[Lady Bugg]

Octopus,

 

I like your plan, but the thing with these kind of timelines is they usually don't last. As long as you have a "plan" for something to happen, then you are tying an expectation to it. What if you DO somehow manage to make it till

April 20th with no contact? By then he will have assumed you have moved on, and maybe his reaction to hearing from you is not what you anticipate. Many things can happen in four months.... The BEST thing that can happen is you really DO forget him and move on..then one day you'll notice it's April and say....Wow...it would be nice to talk to him. With NO expectations at all.

 

I hope things work out for you whatever you decide..