From a Mechanical Home

[enchanter]

Normally I run to my journal and make private entries when something makes me so upset as to cry, but I am here to possibly find someone else with any experience in this situation.

 

I come from a family that is not close. I dont go to my parents. I dont love my family. I could never see them again and not mind. This is something that wont change. We exist together, and that is all. We act like a normal, and do things as they are expected, but there is no love.

 

I went off to college this year, and it is costing a lot of money. I have an incredible amount of loans. I will owe a lot when I am done. I broke down when I go there because I disliked my school very much. I spent a lot of time at my best friends school. My parents had wanted me to be an engineer so I was. I failed the first semester. I am extremely into art and english, and I was never good at math or hard science.

 

My mom comes in tonight and asks what my problem is. The world thinks I am depressed, and occasionally I am. She then wants me to write down ten questions. I have no idea about what. I have none to ask.

 

My mom is the type of person who feels she has never done a thing wrong in her life. She will always find a way to be right. In the end it only led to her not being close with anyone. They only care about money and success. They want me to appreciate them for what they never were.

 

I had been dying to leave my house for years, and being back for break just reminds me of how I never want to come home again. I love being away, and I just feel horrible when I am here.

 

I really just want anyone who has come from a family who was not close to reply. Or anyone with a college debt or story and how it ended. Im just upset right now and talking is keeping me occupied.

[RayKay]

Hey enchanter,

 

Sorry to hear about your rough times with family and such right now. My family is pretty close now, but I cannot say I have ALWAYS been that way, but never to the degree you may feel *alienated*. I have not talked to my bio dad more then once a year for the last 15 or so years though.....hmm. My mum and I are great together now, but we were so alike, we butted heads a lot while I was growing up! She has a major illness now though, and our family has come a lot closer together too.

 

Parents are not perfect, your parents love you, that I am sure, but sometimes they do not always the know the best way to show that, or be parents. Parents have their own individual personalities and problems too (just like your mom does). Sometimes they hide their own fears in other things...your mom knows she has made mistakes, but sometimes its hard to face them, to let ourselves down like that.

 

Sometimes it is easier to appreciate them from a distance. But I will say this, no matter what, when they are truly gone, it cuts your heart in half, so try your best. Learn to see them as imperfect people whom like you, also want to be loved, accepted, and forgiven. You might not always get along, but try to keep the bonds.

 

It sounds like your mom, really was trying, with her approach on the questions. At the very least...humour her. You never know where it might lead.

 

I do think you should do what YOU feel is for you with your career though and education. There is nothing wrong with English, and Arts. It can be a great start to many career options (I have a degree in Poli Sci, and many years later am going back to do Law). Engineering is tough enough, especially when it is not your thing (my boyfriend is an Engineer).

 

As for debts...they burden a lot of people in their lives. I do not look forward to the debts I will take on when I go back to school, after many years in workforce making money, I will be owing it again! However, this is education you are investing in....and that is a reward, not a debt. Educating yourself has an Return on Investment you cannot evaluate right now, but you will never regret it.

 

Do what you can, live on a budget, work to put some money away if you can part time, and just make the most of your money by really applying yourself and doing well. Those debts will be paid off in the years after you are done, and will be worth every penny.

 

BIG HUGS though, things look rough now, but hang in there. Things do get better.

[shes2smart]

I have had no contact at all with my family since 1999. My mother is nuts...always has been. My father spent my childhood looking the other way. In 1999, my mother went off the deep end and accused me of a variety of things (including running a Satanic cult).

 

Up until that point, I had tried to forge some kind of reasonable relationship with my parents. After that incident I realized that the healthiest and sanest thing I could do for myself was cease any sort of contact at all. And a huge amount of underlying stress was removed from my shoulders when I did that.

 

In 1992, I added up everything I owed. This included credit card debt, a student loan and a car loan. I was $12k in the hole and making well under $20k a year. I think my '92 tax return showed an income of $16-18k. Currently, I have no debt to speak of and have built up a good amount of savings. I am about to buy a house and have nearly 20% cash to put down on it.

 

With a little effort and a little time, anything...ANYTHING....can be overcome. What is today's setback can be tomorrow's lucky break. Only in hindsight can we see that what may seem like really bad situation ultimately worked out for the best. The challenges we are faced with make us stronger, wiser and more able to deal with whatever may come our way in the future.

[registered]

I exist with my family in a similar way... I understand what it's like.

I too wish I could move out but practicality has other ideas.

 

I don't know what to add. Listen to the others!

 

Don't add to your family's troubles, make sure you do everything possible to be as civil as possible.

If your parents are nice appreciate this! If they offer help, take it, even if you don't think much of it...like the 10 questions thing.

 

If you are not enjoying the course then you must consider your options.

If you would enjoy something else more then do it! Change. It's easy.

Don't do anything if you don't want to do it. Remember you have years left of the course...you had better enjoy it if you are going to spend years in it.

 

It's hard, and it takes a strong person but persevere. Things may even get better with time - things sometimes change.

 

 

Take care, if you want to chat/vent/take out your frustrations then feel free to pm me.