Advice needed, please..if possible

[Lost_Cause]

Hi all,

My names Bex, I'm new here. My boyfriend introduced me to this site and said everyone here was really friendly. Not quite sure how to put my feelings into words, but I'll give it a go (sorry if none of it makes sense).

I'm at Sixth Form, but getting teased and I've missed a few lessons due to panic attacks when faced with the fear of having to go into school. I'm in a new, amazing relationship with someone, and I really, truly feel something magical that I can't even describe- but I've never felt this way for someone before.

But for some reason I still feel really down. I have no faith in myself, and basically hate myself- to put it bluntly. I get really upset alot and find myself constantly comparing myself to other women. I have a huge collection of magazines in my drawer and get them out most nights when im alone and just stare at the pictures of models, wondering why I can't be that beautiful. I look at other girls walking past in the street and wonder why I can't be as beautiful as them. Celebraties, anyone. I find myself wishing I was more beautiful, successful, etc.. I feel worthless and like I'm not achieving anything. I have no motivation and sometimes just wish I could curl up, hide from the world or even fall asleep and never wake up again.

Some days I can hide my feelings and push them to the back of my head, but most days it just gets too much. I have to spend about an hour and a half getting ready to go out, putting on make up to hide my imperfections. I can't go out without it on and hate anyone seeing me without makeup on. I feel it's a kind of mask to hide behind.

When I'm alone in my room I sometimes stare in the mirror and just cry, hating the reflection staring back at me. I feel like I should be so much more. I feel like my boyfriend deserves someone so much better than me, but I love him so much and don't want to lose him.

I hate feeling like this, I feel guilty because I know it upsets those who love me when I get into a state about how I feel about myself. I feel really bad for feeling this way. It holds me back so much because sometimes I feel so ugly I don't even want to go out of the house. I just wish I could be "normal". I wish I could feel confident and comfortable within my own skin, but I hate everything about me! Sometimes I feel like punishing myself for being so worthless, but I know it would make things worse if I harmed myself. I just can't seem to help hating myself no matter how hard I try.. I'm really lost and have so many emotions going round and round in my head. I don't really know what elese to say, just reaching out for any form of help, I suppose. Thanks for reading, sorry if I bored you...

[ocrob]

Well, first of all, you are not worthless. You sound like a very intelligent person. What is it that you hate about yourself? Maybe you can find something about yourself that is special and focus on that. Obviously, your boyfriend likes you. What does he like about you? Nobody can change their looks, but is there anything like working out that you could do to make yourself feel better? If you could, you should get some therapy to find out why you feel this way. Think about all of the anorexic women that think they are fat. It is in your heads. It sounds like no matter how many people tell you that you are great, you will still feel worthless. You need to find out the underlying problem and address it. I don't think I or anyone else on here can help you, but we can support you. I support you and wish you the best. Isn't the healthcare system in England really good? See if you can find a therapist to help you out.

[Derge]

All Im going to say is if you have a boyfriend your probably not ugly as he finds you attractive and that all that matters. Im about the same age as you doing sixth form and If I have a problem I try and work aroun it like I used to have no confidence but now I have a dont care what anyone thinks attitude which is better because it makes your feelings clearer to the people that are allot like you.I wouldnt if I was you spend that much time looking at female models most of those pictures are touched up with computers and the women real * * * * *es and dont self harm because its not worth it its just putting you under more pain. youve got a boyfriend you like alot, thats what alot of girls would want. sorry if ive made assumptions but what you going to do and have a happy christmas.

[annie24]

Hi and welcome

 

Every woman - EVERY WOMAN - is beautiful in her own way... whether it be a perfect nose, a nice waist, gorgeous hair, cute dimples... every woman has something special about her that makes her beautiful. What is your beauty?

 

Everyone is good at SOMETHING. It doesn't have to be mind-blowing. Some people are really good at making other people feel good, or writing well, or etc.

 

I think you should talk to a therapist. And get rid of those negative thoughts!!! For the next week, you will only contemplate how cool you are and how awesome you are. Like the previous poster said, your bf wouldn't be with you if he didn't think you were beautiful and special in some way.

 

good luck!

[Lost_Cause]

Hey, first off I just want to thank the people who took time out to reply to me. It really does mean alot that people are there to listen and give advice.

 

ocrob- you're right.. I suppose I should try and see what it is that my boyfriend loves about me and try to focus on those!! I could find a hobby to take up which could hopefully increase my confidence.

 

Derge- I love your "Don't care what anyone thinks" attitude, it's a great one to have. I went out today (which was kinda nerve wracking, but I did it!) and I really did think "sod them!!" it's only what I care about me, that counts.

 

annie24-

For the next week, you will only contemplate how cool you are and how awesome you are. Like the previous poster said, your bf wouldn't be with you if he didn't think you were beautiful and special in some way.

That really spoke out to me. I'm determined to try and look at the positive things in my life, instead of the negative. Sometimes I still may get down, but I know I can do it.

 

I'm really starting to feel more positive already..thank you all so much. It truly helped me to have people listen to me- I just needed to let it all out.

Once again- Thank You!! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a fantastic New Year.

 

Bex xXx

[Derge]

What you doing in sixth form lost cause. im doing my AS's at the moment and I am acctually become cool within the sixthform people. people acctually like to see character.

[Lost_Cause]

I'm doing AS Psychology, which I really love, it's so interesting, and business which I hate (those are the lessons I get teased in but ho-hum) but it gains me two more A-levels cos it's a double award thingy. I'm also doing NVQ Spanish. But the people there aren't all that nice after some stupid rumor went around, about me. A couple of people are ok though. Which subjects are you doing?

[ocrob]

It is so funny to hear you folks from England because I don't get what you are talking about. lol In terms of school. Lost Cause, I am so happy you are receiving people's comments in a contructive way. You are probably such an amazing person and will do something really amazing in this life time. I think it is cool you have a boyfriend and he is probably such a great guy. I hope you will appreciate him and support him as well. I am sure that you are beautiful on the outside and inside. Once you get older, you will realize that beauty inside is the most important. I lost my looks and still feel pretty good about trying to be a good person.

 

ocrob

[Derge]

ocrob im not from England im from Wales lol. yeah im doing 3 A/S's i dont think are school offers phycology. I also have to do this welsh bacc thing which is not so good.

[ocrob]

Hey, I have actually been to Wales and loved it.

[Derge]

Have you! south or north did you come for a particular reason