R-e-c-k-l-e-s-s

[blueangel]

Abandoned by all whom I've come accross

Reckless, alone and haunted but tough

Black spells are now what cloaks my frame

And in the air you can taste my silver chains

 

I wear a mask, it splits in two

And when I dance I think of you

Parties I'm wild but all alone

Confident and proud with a stride of my own

 

And home has left from inside my heart

I fear nothing, need nothing and am so free

Yet held with nothing permanent for all enternity

No one to keep and no one who has kept me

 

Because in the end, you always leave- I'm still here, dad, see me?

 

You turn your back

But you're my dad

You ignore my plees

But you're still mom to me

You were my friends

You betrayed me in the end

 

Nothing to blind me

But also nothing to be

For none of you

Stand beside me

And so I am empty- still empty here

 

I have no loves and I have no fears

I just see what I see and give you my ears

From my nothing, I've found everything mirrored

Always alone- I see you God in my soul (in here)

But my own life is yet to unfold

 

I am so warm to you but my own being is cold

Frozen in time from when you were mine

To the day you let go of my hand

The fact that I rise now is not what you planned

But there is nothing of me you understand

 

You think I'm brave that I dont take

And that I give everything

To me there are no social boundaries

But that is since I have no friends, you see

I'm a drifter, alone and it does not end for me

My character has brought me everything else

But there's nothing to replace what I have lost

A family, a life and a home

 

Here I am always reckless

Split between you two, parents

Disappeared from my friends

All alone.

 

The distant angel

The darkened innocence

The loving loner

And selfless friend

I'm here

But living for myself- I cant

Because I'll never know who I am

[blueangel]

Yeah, I'm just a little complex

[ShySoul]

Wow. Just a little complex you are.... but an incredible writer.

 

Sort of stuck in between. You give to others, but don't feel they give back. Feeling lost, confused, empty. I know that feeling. Feel the same especially with my parents. They turn their backs, ignore my pleas. But I know they still love me, just as yours love you.

 

The distant angel

The darkened innocence

The loving loner

And selfless friend

 

Sounds like something I would use to describe myself.

 

You know who you are? Like your name says, you are an angel. You are a smart, caring, sensitive soul. You are a sensational writer. You are a great friend. You have a great outlook on life. You are someone you should be proud to be.

 

And you have a friend in me.

[blueangel]

Oh, ShySoul, you should have seen my old website. It was called Andromeda Fallen and it was so beautiful with a sunset background and celtic-like music for each section. It was amazing and one person said for someone even my age, it was the best designed website- most creative and beautiful he had ever come accross. He wanted me to meet with some people or something but my mom wouldnt allow it and deleted my website entirely.

[blueangel]

In a lot of ways, I live for the wellbeing of others. Little kids especially adore me. I'm kind of an enchanting and deep person in real life as someone once told me. I'm extremely outgoing but I need to be alone a lot. I say things that cause others to take a double take and a lot go to me for comfort. But I'm also extremely silly. Yet always alone on my own

[blueangel]

btw, thanks

[ShySoul]

Ah, she deleted the website? Grrrrr.....

 

Any way of setting up a new one? The old one sounded great and would definitely been worth visiting.

 

Your description seems to fit the image you give off in your posts and letters. Also seems to fit me. But if little kids adore you, then you have to be a good person. It's a theory I have, always follow the example of little kids, they know what is best.

[blueangel]

I dont have enough access to the internet to do so. I may try again this summer. Mom doesnt trust me. She thinks all I do is talk to strangers which is half true- but then again, never in a dangerous way.

 

So what are you like in real life?

[ShySoul]

In a lot of ways, I live for the wellbeing of others. Little kids especially adore me. I'm kind of an enchanting and deep person in real life as someone once told me. I'm extremely outgoing but I need to be alone a lot. I say things that cause others to take a double take and a lot go to me for comfort. But I'm also extremely silly. Yet always alone on my own

 

Take out the part about being extremely outgoing and you have what I'm like in real life. What I put in my posts is the real me. It's why I picked the name ShySoul, cause I felt it described who I am. A soul that is shy but cares deeply for others no matter what and who will do whatever I can to help, sometimes to my own detriment. Love kids. Tend to see things from different perspectives then most, philosophical. Romantic streak. Someone people seem to be able to trust and talk to, even though I have a hard time really opening up myself. And very silly. When I'm in serious mode, I'm very serious. But usually I'm a goofball who says silly things and tries to get people to laugh.

[ForAnother]

But living for myself

 

 

Most important line in your poem.

 

Live for yourself.

 

-ForAnother

[blueangel]

Most important line in your poem.

 

Live for yourself.

 

-ForAnother

 

A battle everyday.

[blueangel]

Take out the part about being extremely outgoing and you have what I'm like in real life. What I put in my posts is the real me. It's why I picked the name ShySoul, cause I felt it described who I am. A soul that is shy but cares deeply for others no matter what and who will do whatever I can to help, sometimes to my own detriment. Love kids. Tend to see things from different perspectives then most, philosophical. Romantic streak. Someone people seem to be able to trust and talk to, even though I have a hard time really opening up myself. And very silly. When I'm in serious mode, I'm very serious. But usually I'm a goofball who says silly things and tries to get people to laugh.

 

In school, I'm quiet and to myself but I also quietly make my way around to people... to those who need me or just those with my sense of humor. In 8th grade, I would stare down the boys I liked in school and was dominatrix-type-gothic dressed (leather, boots) so then one day i was called a * * * * and had a big wake up call. The next year, I went to completely black to white. Flowery skirts, scarves, all in earth tones with long blonde hair. This year, as a tenth grader, my hair is now an inverted bob. I wear blazers and cool jewelry(left over from gothic stage but I make it work) and still wear scarves. I...like hitting people. I like hitting people with scarves, ShySoul. I do it everyday...even strangers...

 

A lot of my friends are shy but I make them feel noticed and that's when my genuine curious and innocent side comes out. With friends who are able to challenge me back, I act more deep and serious and sometimes I get a little poet. I feel really connected to nature and so that stuff pours out of me. With teachers, i like to express myself a lot so I put notes of gratitude on the side of tests mentioning how I like their class and how they differ from others. I also put what I want to learn on the back.

 

With guys, I act a little like a tease- a little flirty. I'm...fiesty inside when it comes to that stuff and like to play around. I stay away from most high school boys cuz i dont think they could handle me

 

With parents, I act sweet and helpful and very gentle because I have come to respect them so much... even if their love may be cold. I cant help but love them. Sometimes they're all i have.

 

With animals and kids, I am really wild and funny but also responsible. I give all my attention to them, sometimes placing their needs above mine.

 

So yeah, that about explains it.

[ShySoul]

So..... think you could hit me with a scarf?

 

Very mature girl, who still sounds like a lot of fun. Don't change.

 

And you are right, I don't think the high school boys can handle you.

[blueangel]

Yes, ShySoul, I will. Just watch out. eye (about the scarf)

 

I break hearts sometimes but I've just never found someone (yet- still young) that understands me here.