Silver Lining in every break-up?

[octopus]

Hi All,

 

I've recently been dumped by a man I loved and I've been on an emotinal roller coaster since then. To forget that pain, I sit down and think of others I dumped or who dumped me before, and how i suffered afterwards... Now I don't feel ANYthing towards them, not sadness or anger or i don't miss them, and it feels like after them, someone MUCH better came along, so in the big picture it was good that they didn't work out.

Do you have stories like this? Where after you were so hurt, you met someone who made you feel thankful?

[Hope75]

Hi Octopus,

 

Yes, I have definitely felt like that. I was with someone seriously for 2 years (quite a few years ago now) and I loved him very much, we talked about marriage, the whole 9 yards, I thought he was perfect.... he followed a very difficult relationship for me which lasted 5 years with an alcoholic/drug addict who was abusive towards me.

 

Just after our 2 year anniversary I found out he was lying about a whole lot of different things (he had a closet drinking problem, I knew he was a recovered alcoholic, but during our time he had relapsed and was extremely clever about hiding it...) I left him, but I still loved him and it was very hard. It took me almost a year to get over him, and that was 5 years ago last month.

 

I have since met and fell in love with a wonderful man, we've been through alot together, and celebrated 3 years this past October. We have it all, trust, respect, a great friendship, throw down passion... I know he's the ONE.

 

3 weeks ago I bumped into the old ex, and seeing him I felt nothing. In fact, he mentioned hiding something from his now wife (with whom he has a child) and I felt sorry for her and could see that nothing with him has changed. Back when I first left him I felt like I might just die of a broken heart. I felt barely alive. Now, I feel grateful that it didn't work out for us and that I found happiness with my current bf, whom I never would have met if things didn't work out as they did.

 

This is not the last love of your life. It is not the best either. Be good to yourself and do what you can to heal now, because the best is yet to come.

 

((HUGS))

[RayKay]

Hi All,

 

I've recently been dumped by a man I loved and I've been on an emotinal roller coaster since then. To forget that pain, I sit down and think of others I dumped or who dumped me before, and how i suffered afterwards... Now I don't feel ANYthing towards them, not sadness or anger or i don't miss them, and it feels like after them, someone MUCH better came along, so in the big picture it was good that they didn't work out.

Do you have stories like this? Where after you were so hurt, you met someone who made you feel thankful?

 

Most definitely! It's hard when it's fresh to remember those past cases, but it does usually happen that once you get yourself back on solid ground, happy within yourself again, you DO meet someone whom makes you wonder why you ever took so long to get over the ex

 

My story....well, I had a rather rough few years relationship wise honestly! the man I thought I would be with forever died quite suddenly, and I felt absolutly lost. I really wondered if I WOULD ever meet someone as great a friend as he was, as wonderful. And for a while I didn't! I dated a guy whom dumped me after a few months without warning and out of the blue, after so much talk about how he was really falling for me! I dated a guy for another year and a half whom had initially been the one to pursue me, whom made all sorts of promises, and talked of dreams and future plans...and then decided he loved but was not "in love" and needed to be single for a long time. It was tremendously tough on me, but in retrospect, he really was also a jerk, and could be quite cruel at times...maybe because he did not really love me, but regardless, I did not deserve that! My mum always said I believed so much in people, the good in them, sometimes to my own detriment!

 

I slowly picked the pieces of my heart up from the ground, for a long time still hoping he would change his mind (a lot of false hope on his side did not help matters!). Then one day, I realized I was emotionally exhausted. I was tired of trying so hard to be what someone wanted, and instead, I worked on ME. I worked on taking care of me again, of healing, dating, and made a promise to myself that I would only get involved again when I KNEW that it was right, that it was healthy for me and him. I made a mental list of all the things I wanted in a partner, and all the things I would not settle for. I made a sort of promise to myself that the next one I got involved with...it would only be when I KNEW they were the one. I figured I had enough life experiences to know by then when I found it that I would know! I just had FAITH that things would work out, that I deserved the very best, and it WOULD come along. I believed I had so much to offer, but that I also deserved that in return.

 

November 2004, I had been talking to this one guy online for a few days. He seemed interesting in the respect we shared many of the same interests in the outdoors - mountain biking, "real" camping, just basic outdoorsiness. He asked me out for a date one Tuesday, and at this point I was pretty open to MEETING people even if I was not sure, just to see. So I said yes, and we made plans for that Saturday. I had no real "expectations" beyond making a friend, and him too, and we both thought we could be good mountain biking buddies. Well, an hour before I was to meet him, despite my low expectations, I had this weird feeling inside - not a bad warning tingle, but a weird feeling that something BIG was going to happen that night, something that would really change my life in great ways. I have never actually told anyone that before, but it was a tremendous feeling. I went to meet him, and really from there, it's history We clicked immediately, had a fantastic evening, had a few more dates over the next month, and became exclusive pretty early on. We now live together, and have had some less blissful times too that we have come together to work through, but the love is undeniable, and he is definitely the one for me, and I for him. We mesh just right, we share the same goals for our relationship, the same values, we are there for one another, we are great friends, lovers, have a lot of fun together. He took great care of me when sick, and now when my mother is fighting for her life, he supports and encourages me, as I do him. We accept one another, love one another for whom we are. It just...FITS.

 

The moment I met him and started being with him, I forgave every guy that ever broke my heart, as that Rascall Flatts song goes "Bless The Broken Road That Led Me Straight To You". There is no question in either of our minds we are meant to, and want to be together.

 

Have faith...in YOURSELF. Have faith in the UNIVERSE to bring you love when the time is right. We are not given more then we can handle, and sometimes we are tested before it is decided we ARE ready for that ultimate love, to know we will truly appreciate it and cherish it and work for it. Your ex was not the one, I know it does not remove the hurt, but the love of your life is still out there....because the love of your life is the one that will be there in the end.

 

100% of every relationship will fail until you find the one that lasts forever. And that is really what counts. It's not the first love, or the second love, that matters most, it is the one that becomes the ultimate, the last, that does. And he was not your last.

[shes2smart]

Always.

 

Broke up with a guy in 2001 after catching him cheating on me. We'd been together for a squeak over 2 years, lived together for a little over a year.

 

3 months after I broke up with the cheater, I met the guy I'd end up marrying and for the last 4+ years have found myself living in the relationship several of my exes told me wasn't possible. The truth of it is the relationship I wanted wasn't possible with them. For my husband, the relationship I wanted was the relationship he wanted for himself, too.

 

It wasn't only possible, I get to live it every day.

[Cooperstown]

Yup, girlfriend of 3 years decided during finals that the distance was to much and decided to start nailing some guy 2 days later. Then strung me along for the next 4 months. It is true what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I'm a WAY better WAY more mature person because of it. I'm thankful it happened as much as it hurt at the time and I did meet someone that brought me a great amount of happiness. The problem is I just broke her heart 2 weeks ago and I didn't realize how hard it is for the person dumping someone when they are the things she is. Sometimes I think life would be easier if I was just an * * * * * * * who didn't care.