Old friends...Possible lovers?

[PeteMcAvoy]

My best (female) friend (who is married) has recently told me that she is on love with me and wanted to know how I felt!

A few days after telling me, she split up with her husband of 2 years, saying that she fell out of love with him a year ago.

I have known this girl for over 7 years now and although I know I did fancy her ages ago, I reconciled that nothing would ever happen between us as she was engaged and then married, and now I think I kind of see her as a sister.

She is keen to give a relationship a try between us but I really can't work it out in my head if I have romantic feelings for her, I know I love her as a friend but I don't know if there is anything more, and I don't know if I want to chance finding out incase it ruins our friendship!

Does anyone have any advice? My head is in bits at the moment!

[Bobo]

Dont go into anything with a set mind; either planning to give a relationship a go, or not to. Spend time with her in ways you both feel comfortable. Allow things to progress on their own. That'll give you time to sort your head out; you can see from spending more time with her what your feelings are about her. If things were meant to be...

[PocoDiablo]

I'd pass, personally. Long friendships like that are hard to find. Besides, I doubt it would work out. She is looking more for love and support than a lover in my opinion.

[DN]

The main problem is does she really love you or was she on the way out of the relationship with her husband anyway and the idea of being in love with you provided a catalyst for her to finally leave him. You could find that you are in reality a sort of safety net, that she needs someone in her life and she now feels safe in leaving him because she can turn to you; someone reliable and familiar. But that is not necessarily the sort of love that will maintain a romantic relationship. .

 

If you are unsure of your feelings for her; and she is still emotionally raw from leaving her marriage, then this does not set a firm foundation for a relationship between the two of you.

 

I think she needs to spend some time on her own, maybe maintaining the friendship with you, before you would even consider a romantic relationship with her. You also need time to decide what your feelings are about her.

 

Jumping from a failed relationship to another so quickly is rarely a good idea.

[PeteMcAvoy]

The thing is, I don't think they were ever that suited, he was just her first real relationship and she didn't know anything else. Me and her have much more in common than they ever did, and I'm not completely certain but I think it was more like falling in love with me was the catalyst for her giving up on the marriage.

And I think I do still have feelings for her, it's just all a bit scary!

[the yang to the worlds yin]

sounds like your not sure if you feeling anytihng for her romantically, and sounds like she's on the rebound, so i wouldn't go for it

[lovecrazy]

I would just spend time with her, dont give the relationship a title, I would just tell her how you feel. And take her out on a date when the time is right. Dont rush into anything!

[Day_Walker]

If you see her more as a sister then it doesnt seem that its going to work out. As long as you have that mindset you are going to have a mental block when it comes to a relationship with this girl. If you do decide to pursue a relationship then you need to realize that you could possibly lose a long time friend so you are just going to have to weigh your options.

[PeteMcAvoy]

If i'm completely honest, after thinking about it for a while, I do want to give it a go with her, I liked her for so long but couldn't say and I think I've been in shock since she told me (I had absolutely no idea!) And I always thought she was making the wrong decision marrying him. She said she thought she could see them growing old together, but that was because he was already like an old man in his ways! And her mum actually asked her just before her wedding why it wasn't me she was marrying!

A problem that I have is that I've never had a proper adult relationship, that's why this is all so scary for me, but I don't think that is a reason not to try. And I do think we are such good friends that we could still be friends if it went wrong.

[Dating Coach]

I'd say, go out a few times, see what happens. What do you have to lose?