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[lostwithlove]

I'm not sure how this will soud when it is out in writing. But it has to be better than the confusion in my head.

 

A little background, first of all.

I have known this girl for over a year, and we were (still are) best friends.

The problem is the confusion in our friendship. I always had feelings for her, but she was in a relationship when I first knew her.

She is now out of her relationship, and we have had a lot of nights where we would kiss.

Fast forward

 

She told me that she loved me in an email a few weeks ago. I was absolutely over the moon. I thought we were finally going to be together.

To my surprise and disappointment, nothing happened.

I didn't really know how to approach the subject.

 

I then wanted to end the friendship. There was a lot of confusion and things weren't really working out.

I said a lot of hurtful things in spite, trying to hurt her because she had led me on (though she denies it) for so long.

 

As we only really hear the poster's point of view on these forums:

She thinks that she has never led me on, and that everything she has done, has been done in confusion and uncertainty.

She said that she really meant it when she said she loved me.

 

I wish I could believe that.

I wish that I could accept what she says, and leave my own mind to rest.

I wish I could forget about her, and stop caring about her.

 

Tonight, I spoke to her, to apologise about what I said to her, which must have hurt.

She went on to tell me (in normal conversation) that she was holding hands with a guy in our school, today. She's had a thing for this guy for a while. He's a year older.

 

This tore me apart - and caused me to be very blunt with her.

I didn't see any point in being audiobly upset (this was on the phone)

She was rather stunned as to why I was hurt by it. So I told her that she can't just say she loves me, and then go away with someone else.

She replied that I had told her that I didn't want anything, quite clearly from when I was upset.

 

At the end, I decided to just be straight with her.

I told her that we really did want different things.

I want a relationship with her, and she doesn't want a relationship.

 

Any insights, comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

[PocoDiablo]

Well, first, while she said she loved you, did she ever say she loved you as a boyfriend?

 

Second, when you were blunt with her, and spiteful, you lost self-control and that will only make you look bad.

 

Third, I am a firm believer that it is VERY difficult, if not impossible, to get into a relationship with a woman as BF/GF after more than 2-3 encounters have gone by and the man did not ask her on a date. In your case, it has been a year.

 

Personally, I think you led yourself on by not asking her out when you first met.

[lostwithlove]

Thanks for your response.

 

She had a boyfriend when we first met.

Yes, she said she loved me like a boyfriend. "in love" with me, as she put it.

[PocoDiablo]

Then ask her on a date. Plain and simple. Just say something like "Hey, you know, we need to explore this whole boyfriend/girlfriend vibe we've got going on. Let's go on a few dates and see what happens. Don't worry, if you blow it you can still be friends with me. "

 

What have you got to lose. Either she agrees or makes an excuse (doesn't agree).

[Dating Coach]

lostwithlove, I can see why you are confused. This girl is giving you mixed signals. She is telling you one thing and then doing another. That can be very confusing. I have found that actions speak louder than words, and as you said already, how can she love you if she is going after other guys. You're right. She can't. Once again, actions speak louder than words. Her actions have proven that she doesn't love you, not like that.

 

Personally, I wouldn't give anymore time to someone who would do that to me. I take this kind of stuff very seriously because if I am going to love someone and spend time with them, then we need to be on the same level. This girl is jerking you around and I would leave.