Jealousy gets my goat

[MysTerri]

When I was younger, when i would enter a relationship with a man, at first i wanted to win him, so I did whatever I could to woo him my way. Once he directed his attention my way it felt good for a while then the doubts would set in. Is he getting bored with me? Now that he knows me better, will he be looking for more execitement elsewhere? It never dawned on me that my jealousness was what was pushing them away. I am so super sensitive that when a woman flirts with someone I am with, I automatically figure they would be better off together with the other woman than with me.

 

It helps me in a relationship when i can talk about how I am feeling. Most men do not want to hear about how jealous you are feeling, so things are left unsaid.

 

The latest man to be in my life, I acted jealous over when there was no reason. So he started going on midnight walks, for hours. One night he pulled me up to him and teased me sexually, pulled me close enough to feel his hard on, then said he needed to get some exercise. He went for a walk at about midnight and was gone for an hour and a half. When he came back, I was ready to do business with the hard on he had enticed me with before he left. But he just rolled over and said he couldn't get it up again that night.

 

Immediately I felt someone had met him on his walk. I asked him where he had gone and he answered saying, "We walked down to the park".

 

"We, who?" I asked. He said he meant the 'Royal We' and that he had been on his walk alone. It didn't ring true though, he had had a hard on before he left, a healthy one, yet now he couldn't get it up again that night. That is somehting a man says right after he has had sex and he had not had sex with me.

 

It has eaten away at me and i wonder if that is what he wants it to do, so that i will be the cause of our breakup. He would not want his friends to think otherwise.

 

There is a woman I had allowed him to walk home late one night about a week before. I was trying to show him I was not possessive. I wondered if they had met again for another long, windy, midnight walk in the park where everyone goes to have a secret affair at night. I trusted the two of them, but then when he came home saying he couldn't get it up again that night, i felt he had lied to me and asked him again. he could not look me in the eye when he answered.

 

I mentioned this to him, that he could not answered looking me in the eye, when he did answered me, looking me straight in the eye, his pupils dialated when he answered, a sign that someone is lying.

 

He has steadfastly stated he was with no one that night, but all i can remember is how hard he was before he left and how he couldn't get it up again that night when he got back. He says if I do not believe him then we are doomed. I do not want this relationship to end, but seem unable to stop myself from feeling he has cheated on me. This is eating me up.

 

MysTerri

[RayKay]

Hi Terri,

 

I moved your post so it was not taking someone else's thread, and would get more notice!

 

PM me if you have any questions, as your PM box is disabled.

 

Hon, I think you are so used to "overreacting" in the past, that you have psyched yourself into a state where you now are underreacting!

 

I personally find this a little suspicious, midnight walks are one thing (they are probably akin to my need to go for daily runs or bike rides!) but the strange behaviour all of a SUDDEN and the whole erection thing is a little more unusual. If he always had gone for midnight walks and it was his thing, then there would be no issue, it's the fact they are recent, and odd/out of his usual character that is suspect. Okay, and he also got busted saying "We" and he can say "Royal We" all he wants but you already know that's BS. He got caught in his own words and tried to cover it up.

 

I would also be careful about how he is turning it around on you, in a way, by placing blame on you.

 

I can't tell you if he IS cheating or not, just that you need to listen to your OWN gut instinct at this point. It usually is a VERY good sign there is SOMETHING not quite right at all....I don't know how you can find it out, snooping is not a great thing, if there really is nothing, but I think your gut is already saying something, and you need to figure out whether you want to pursue it or not. If you find nothing, you need to drop it though, and not look for something that is not there. However, if you do find something, you need to be prepared to make some decisions. I can't tell you, and won't tell you what to do, as if I was in your position and had that "evidence" or suspicious behaviour, I would want to know too.....

 

No, overwhelming jealousy is not good, and can ruin a great thing, however some jealousy is normal! It's being able to know when its too much, and just normal that is key, and also knowing that sometimes, our gut is telling us what we don't see directly.

[Mun]

Honey, I'd be taking a walk to the park at midnight with him...or after him just to check things out. If he doesn't want you along...there might be a reason. Time to find out.

[conkatliz]

Why? Does there always have to be games? Why can't anyone just be straight up anymore? If you don't love them get away from them. I'm sorry I am going through the same thing and I just do not understand it.

Conkatliz