Me and my big mouth

[shorty20]

ok, so I've been dating this guy for a while. I knew he was a player when I knew him two years ago, but he came back into my life recently and seemed to have changed drastically. On our second date he asked me to "be his girl"... I took this as he didn't want to see anyone else, and didn't want me to see anyone else either. The first whole week was a bunch of drama... he gambled and lost alot of money on a football game, and then was trying to find the money because he bet money he didn't have. Then some drama with his kids... goes on and on. I tried to be the bigger person and stick by him, and be there for him. After all, I was his "girl" right? Well, we both have myspace, and he posted this blog that was basically a survey asking questions like how you knew him, if you had a crush on him, would you kiss him, blah blah... just questions for fun. So what you're supposed to do is answer the questions, then repost them on your blog so they can answer them for you. So, I get on there, and notice this girl has posted on his... nothing really that bad. Then today, I get on and he still hadn't replied to mine, so I wondered if hed replied to hers. I get on there and it's saying stuff like If he could give her anything it would be his heart, and his nickname for her was roadrunner because every time he thought he ahd her she'd run away and alot of other things that I just don't want to think about. I text him, and questioned him about the whole thing. He said he had a meeting till 12 and would call me... I just really don't know what to say. Could he consider me looking at her page as being sneaky even though I know he looks at my friends?? God, I just always get myself into these messes with these guys and it sucks

[Beec]

In the best of all situations, he is out seeking attention from other women because he thinks he has yours. In the worst, he is actively seeking sex. I think your best of all possible things to do is pull back and tell him he obviously did not mean what he said and to tell him, ok, have it your way. And get out after some other guys. I'd bet he chases you in the case.

 

Not sure you want him, but you can enjoy being pursued and enjoy whatever other guy comes along.

[registered]

Well if he was a player then, it is unlikely he is not one now... he probably gets what he wants out of it and so would keep doing it.

 

It's not sneaky to look at his friends... I might have it wrong but isn't that sort of thing the point of those sites anyway?

 

I think that he is still playing and that he is playing you.

 

He doesn't sound like a responsible guy if he gambles money he doesn't have.

 

I'd save yourself some pain and find a guy with whom you wouldn't have to worry about such things.

[shorty20]

you see, everyone always says "find a new guy" but it's not that easy for me. Once I get involved it's really hard for me to give up on someone. I do make him work for it. I have other guy friends I see and hang out with, but I'm not interested in any of them... I can't just walk away though... thats not the kind of person i am

[registered]

If he is playing women (I can't say if he is or isn't...I'd guess that he is though) then wouldn't you want to walk away?

 

Also, you don't need to walk into the arms of some other guy, you could be single for a while and wait for the next guy to come along.

Or do as beec said if you want him chasing back after you.

[PocoDiablo]

With all due respect, you are the kind of woman a player loves. He can two-time you and you'll stick by his side. You have no self-respect and will let people mis-treat you.

 

And because you let people get away with whatever they want, you will probably always end up in situations like this.

 

If *I* did that (flirted with other women like he does) and my fiance found out, I'd come home to an empty house - and I would FULL WELL expect her to do that. If she didn't, I would lose respect for her.

 

Ever see this? I'd expect this, too.

 

 

[Mrocza]

you see, everyone always says "find a new guy" but it's not that easy for me. Once I get involved it's really hard for me to give up on someone. I do make him work for it. I have other guy friends I see and hang out with, but I'm not interested in any of them... I can't just walk away though... thats not the kind of person i am

 

I understand you may want to stick by the guy and not give up on the relationship, but wouldn't you rather realize sooner than later that something isn't meant to be? Isn't this the same guy that gambled a grand on his "first" gamble on some football game when he has kids to support.

 

Now THIS drama. You replied on his myspace. He didn't reply to you, but knowing you saw it replied to the other girl instead. Isn't that a bit rude?

Why do you want it to work so badly? Don't you think you can find anyone better? Believe me, he is NOT a catch. It's not walking away from a relationship, it's some self respect.

 

With all due respect, you are the kind of woman a player loves. He can two-time you and you'll stick by his side. You have no self-respect and will let people mis-treat you.

 

And because you let people get away with whatever they want, you will probably always end up in situations like this.

 

PocoDiablo is right. Why are you setting yourself up for disappointment. He doesn't seem to have any respect for you, any sense of remorse about many things and he doesn't seem to care how it's affecting you because, hey, you're still by his side no matter what he does. You're not a doormat. Prove it by showing it.

 

There's this book I read a while back, titled "Why Men Love (b)itches"...forget the author, but if you're interest, google it. It's not about (b)itches, per say, it's about holding your own in a relationship from the beginning, not being a doormat, not being his sugar moma, etc. But being a (b)itch in the sense that you're assertive. Knowing what you want and thinking you deserve it enough to get it. As I said, don't you think you deserve more?

[shorty20]

well I sent him a text. I said "joe, I want to be with you, I really do, but only if you can tell me you want the same thing and mean it" something along those lines. The thing is, I never asked him for committment... he was the one that brought it up. I expect he'll call me today after his meeting, and I'm just going to bluntly tell him that he needs to decide what he wants, and if it's me he wants he needs to clean up his act and show me.. not just tell me

[PocoDiablo]

You know, it struck me that you treat this guy like he is your father or brother, or some other family member of whom you *must* stick by no matter what.

 

That's just not the case. You owe this guy nothing and your efforts to stay with him prevent you from taking care of #1 - YOU.

[PocoDiablo]

well I sent him a text. I said "joe, I want to be with you, I really do, but only if you can tell me you want the same thing and mean it" something along those lines. The thing is, I never asked him for committment... he was the one that brought it up. I expect he'll call me today after his meeting, and I'm just going to bluntly tell him that he needs to decide what he wants, and if it's me he wants he needs to clean up his act and show me.. not just tell me

You caught me mid-post.

 

That last line is GOLD. Stick by it, mean it, and if he does one thing wrong walk out and do not come back. Don't even give him an explanation.

[shorty20]

I will. I don't treat him like a family member that I must stick by, but I do consider myself an understanding person that knows people make mistakes... I just don't want him to think I'm some dumb girl that will take whatever I can get. i do have other guys I could see, and could possibly be interested in... but I do like him. I'm just sick of being walked on and played... I HATE that.. and according to him, he's done 'playing' but it sure as hell dosen't seem like it...

[WildChild]

Out of curiosity, how did he pay back that bet from about a week ago?

[shorty20]

lol, funny you ask that wildchild... he started to tell me and I stopped him. Told him I didn't even want to know. I told him that I just wanted to forget last week all together and never talk about it again, but that if I found out he ever gambled again that I'd be gone... again people make mistakes... I've made mistakes... but a mistake like that should only be made once in my opinion.

[WildChild]

Have you commented that if he is done playing why is he making posts like that on his blog?

[shorty20]

I just found that today. Sent him a text saying we need to talk because I knew he was at work. He kept pressuring why I had to talk to him, what was wrong. I said it has to do with your myspace and something you posted on ____'s blog. He said ya, what about it? and we text back and forth a few times. My last text to him was "U know I want to be with you, but only if you can tell me you want the same thing. You knew from the very beginning that I was done playing games and I stand by that statement" and I told him to call me when he had a chance to talk... I somehow feel like I'm making a huge deal out of something that isn't that big... I dont know. For some reason I regret even saying anything about it, cuz it was just some stupid blog on myspace... it's just that sometimes it seems as though his words and actions don't match up, and thats a huge red flag for me...

[shorty20]

well, I called him once over my lunch hour... no answer... so I sent him a text saying When he's ready to talk give me a call.. that I'm not mad, just want to clear some things up... then my friend (we'll call him John) called and wanted to know if I wanted to hang out. Now I deffinatley know JOhn likes me. He's told me many times. WE've tried being together twice, but both times stuff got in the way. He's been really persuing me latley but I'd been with my bf. I caved. I don't know why but I agreed to dinner and a movie, and to be honest it feels great. I hope my bf calls while I'm with him... maybe it will be a reality check that I can and will let him go if he dosen't get his act streight pronto...

[registered]

it's just that sometimes it seems as though his words and actions don't match up, and thats a huge red flag for me...

The biggest "red flag" is his blatant disregard for the supposed "exclusivity" of your relationship. It's likely that it take many forms.

 

You said you texted him telling you to call you back. Then you said you called him and said the same over your lunch break. Don't keep calling him!... he already knows you told him to call him... you are just chasing him and giving him what he likes.

[PocoDiablo]

Oh man, you're going on a date! Congratulations!