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The one I want is taken


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What do you do when the guy you really, really like has a girlfriend?


This guy I like is from overseas and I think we used to really like eachother, but nothing happened in the past because I had boyfriend. I thought I'd never see him again after he went back home, but now he has returned unexpectedly: now I'm single, and he has a girlfriend!


The thing is, even though he has a girlfriend back in his home country, he's still a bit flirty with me and we often catch up as 'friends' , but I know there's more to it. He often sends me text messages and invites me out for drinks, and I just know he's attracted to me.


He's a good guy and I don't want him to cheat on his girlfriend or anything, but it's killing me that we can't get together. I like him SO much! How can I deal with this? I just wish I could have him sooooo badly!

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Ah - I've been in your situation before. And sadly, I was being a bad moderator, and I went ahead and fooled around with the guy anyways. It caused a lot of conflict in our friendship, as he was angry at himself, angry at me, felt bad for what he did to his gf, but he still liked me, so he got very confused.


I don't know what to tell you - It's a can of worms!!!!


Well, that relationship was never meant to be. If you think this guy is a guy you would like to seriously date, just tell him the truth. Something like, "I'm attracted to you, I like spending time with you, I want to keep spending time with you, but not if you have a gf."


See how he reacts. Well, let him think about things. I just don't want you to get hurt by being the girl on the side, you know?

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Though I will admit when I was MUCH younger and MUCH stupider, I did something similar, and felt so terrible about it and learned my lesson well too!


You really have to be careful in this situation. You don't "want" him to cheat, but I think I can read between the lines and see you DO want him to choose you over her. He's an adult and will make the choices he wants to make, be that cheating or not. So I will say that you make it VERY clear to him that you will NOT participate in that.


Do NOT become the "OW", it really is a terrible place to be in, and only shows him you find that behaviour acceptable. A relationship that starts out as an affair has a tremendously minimal chance of making it.


I think you are going to have to do similar to what Annie said, tell him you like him, but that you do not feel comfortable spending the time you are with him while he has a girlfriend. And follow through on that...don't spend that time you are with him like you are. A coffee every now and then is one thing, drinks regularly, flirting, text messages, is another. Think of yourself in HER shoes, because if you do start something with him while he is with someone, you might end up being her. When you were with someone you did not cheat on him to be with this guy, right? Why should it be any different now?


He may decide an LDR is not for him, end things, and be free to date you, but you should BOTH be single before going anywhere with this.

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