talking to a girl i haven't talk to in a bit

[sirhcorg]

I was good friends with a girl in high school that was a year behind me and we got along great and hung out at school. I was too slow at asking her out and she ended up dating someone else. I graduated and the summer after my 1st year, i called her to see if she wanted to do anything. we had a good convo on the phone but i found out she was seeing someone but she said that we could get together later in the summer to hang out (but that never happens).

 

I am now home for break and see that she's always online. she goes to a different college than i do but i would love to talk to her again. should i try to IM her and catch up or how should i approach this? should i pull the, "i just got on this screen name and saw you online so i thought i'd say hi" approach?

 

Thanks

[ShySoul]

Say something like "hi, long time no see. what have you been up to?" Then just talk about what you guys have been doing since you last talked. Not talking in a long time can actually be good cause you should have plenty to talk about. You can try to arrange to meet up again. Or if it is to far apart, start talking more online. This time, don't let it go so long without talking. Even if it doesn't lead to more (is that what you want? are you still interested in her?), you can still be friends.

[sirhcorg]

she's also home for break for i'm guessing a few more weeks. i really didn't see her in person nor online during the summer so the only way i could really contact her was if i called her, which i did when i initally asked her out. i am still interested but would always be friends. talking on the phone was really great and she sounded pretty happy during it (laughing and had a happy sound it her voice). i just feel as though contacting her only when we're on break is a little ~~weird?

[atraceofblood]

when is the last time you talked to her? I think it'd be fine if you IM'd her since you did get along fine before. Just say hi, and talk to her like you did before.

[PocoDiablo]

i am still interested but would always be friends.

So you want to DATE her but know you can't?

 

I think you spoke your own answer right here.

 

You know these guys who she has been dating? I would suggest that it's because they did not wait for over a year to ask her out. Next time you meet a woman you like, ask her on a date first, not last.

[ShySoul]

sirhcorg,

 

Don't feel bad for not asking her out before. It's perfectly understandable why you didn't and something that we all do. There's nothing wrong with that and you shouldn't listen to people who get on you about it. You have to follow your own heart and do what is right for you. If you didn't ask, then it wasn't the right time. No problem there.

 

i am still interested but would always be friends.

 

I believe what you are saying is that the friendship is the most important thing to you, right? That you would love for more, but you don't have a problem if it doesn't happen? That you respect her and that if she is seeing someone or doesn't feel the same way for you, you are not the kind of guy to say "forget her" and "move on" while not talking to her again? If so, that is admirable of you. That is a great attitude to have, and will serve you will.

 

i just feel as though contacting her only when we're on break is a little ~~weird?

 

The alternative is to not contact her and not have a chance to talk to her. Which would you prefer? It's not weird. It's natural for people to get busy and not talk for awhile. But this time you should make the effort to stay in touch more.

[sirhcorg]

So you want to DATE her but know you can't?

 

I think you spoke your own answer right here.

 

You know these guys who she has been dating? I would suggest that it's because they did not wait for over a year to ask her out. Next time you meet a woman you like, ask her on a date first, not last.

 

It's not that i can't date her, it's just i'm probley just being shy and dont know what she would think. I asked her out when i knew her for about a month or less but she was working during the event i asked her out to. I waited too long after that initial asking because i felt like she was a "level" above me, something i felt from her friends but we got along great. She ended up dating someone else and I started dating others as well.

 

When I came home for the summer from my 1st year of college, she was finishing her last year of high school. I called her to see if we could do anything, first time we talked since i graduated, but she was seeing someone. She seemed really cheerful when I called and she said that we should hang out sometime, though we never ended up doing anything but that is what is driving me a little to see if she would like to do anything now.

 

I would atleast like to see her or start talking to her again, friends or more, but i guess what's holding me back is it might come off that I only "show up" to see if she wants to date.

[ShySoul]

If you don't want to appear like you only are interested in a date, don't ask for a date. You say you are ok with being friends, so work on that first. It's a process of getting to know each other again, catching up. Asking to hang out and saying you want to meet up with an old friend doesn't appear clingy or like you only want a date.

 

If you don't at least talk to her and spend time with her, you'll end up with nothing. And the longer you go, the more worried you'll get about it appearing that way. So you just need to take a chance and talk to her. Work on getting reaquitted. Once you do, odds are talk of a boyfriend will come out in the getting reacquitted. If she has one, you know you can't go for anything. If she doesn't have one, just take a chance. You have a second (third actually) opportunity with her. So make the most of it.

[sirhcorg]

I IM'ed her tonight but she didn't respond.

 

Which brings me into my next question. How many times should i say, "hi" to her before i should get a "hint" if there is one being given?

[Dating Coach]

I IM'ed her tonight but she didn't respond.

 

Which brings me into my next question. How many times should i say, "hi" to her before i should get a "hint" if there is one being given?

 

If she was interested in you romantically she would have responded, and that's the bottom line.

 

If you are looking to just be friends then pursue that route, but if you are looking for more then that isn't a good idea. You are going to set yourself up for a lot of hurt by pursuing someone who either isn't available or simply isn't interested.

[PocoDiablo]

I IM'ed her tonight but she didn't respond.

 

Which brings me into my next question. How many times should i say, "hi" to her before i should get a "hint" if there is one being given?

Yeah, if she was online and was interested in you, she would have said hello. She never would have risked ignoring and then upsetting you.

 

I would take that as a sign, personally. I think you've wasted too much time on her... and she's not reciprocating.

[ShySoul]

I IM'ed her tonight but she didn't respond.

 

Which brings me into my next question. How many times should i say, "hi" to her before i should get a "hint" if there is one being given?

 

Could mean she didn't want to talk. Or it could mean she was busy or just not in the mood for talking to people. There have been times where I have been swamped with IM's and just gotten sick of talking. Sometimes I have things to do or I'm in a bad mood or I just don't want to talk to people. Doesn't mean I don't like the person or don't want to talk to them specifically.

 

So go with your feeling. There could be a reasonable explanation. If it happened once, not necessarily a reason to give up. Only worry if it becomes a consistant pattern.