Why did his mother call me??

[renaissancewoman101]

This is a strange update to my situation. It has been three months since my ex broke up with me (we were together for two years). My ex is a mama's boy who is also a teenager at heart and refuses to grow up. He still hangs out with teenaged friends and he is 32 years old. He still collects toys, stuffed animals, and acts like a teenager. He also drinks too much and smokes too much. Our breakup was kinda nasty because I wanted him back for quite a while and he found a new gf. The first time we broke up, his mom helped to get us back together. This time, I tried everything but he didnt want to get back to me. Instead he found a new gf that is 18 years old.

 

I am now on the verge of moving out to San Diego to start my life over again. And to forget about the ex and move on with my life, and I get this weird phone call.

 

Today, as I was driving, I got a weird phone call from the ex's mother. The last time I had seen her was two weeks ago when I went out with the ex to go out to dinner and see a movie. We had to go back to the house and check out movie times, and she was there with his dad. She was friendly to me and asked me a weird question about why I was moving away.

 

Today, she calls me and asks me how I am doing. She also tells me that she wants to keep in touch with me and for me to keep in touch with her, even though I am moving away. She tells me that she thinks her son, my ex, still has feelings for me and that I should give it some time, keep in touch with her, and keep some limited contact with him, and that he will come back to me. She tells me that he misses me a lot and that he has mentioned to me that he is going to miss me now that I am moving away for good. Her comment was : I guess he misses what is gone or going to be gone. Absense makes the heart grow fonder". She asked me how I was doing and when I am moving away, where I am moving too, etc. She also wanted my parents' phone number so she could get in touch with me if need be. She told me that she thinks my ex still has feelings for me because he is sad I am leaving and he has talked to her about our breakup and how sad he was that it happened. She told me that she was upset that he broke up with me because she thinks of all his past gfs, I have cared about him the most and I have been the most together of all his gfs. She tells me that she wishes that I had ended up being her daughter in law, because she thinks I was good for him and am good for him. She knows I love him a lot and still care about him. She tells me that he still cares about me.

 

I told her that if he cared about me, then why did he find a new gf. She told me that he always likes to have a girl on his arms, but she is nothing, and if I clean up my life (by getting rid of my gay best friend), there is a big chance he will come back to me, because one of his biggest hangups with me was that I was too close with my gay best friend (who is also my first ex). She told me that, like all guys, her son likes to be the center of attention and wanted to be the center of my life. She thinks that if I clean up parts of my life, I can get him back and she will help me (she helped me patch up our relationship, the first time he took a break from me). She told me that she knows it will take time for me to get my life in order but that if I keep in contact with her, and limited contact with him, there is a BIG possibility that he may come back to me.

 

She did ask me about how my life was going, when I was moving out to San Diego, and about my job situation. I told her that I had taken a job out there that will also provide me with the opportunity to come back to their area on and off for meeting since they are headquartered there. She seemed to like that. She wants me to keep in touch with them.

 

BTW, she also knows about the abortion I had in April because, one night, when my ex was drunk, he told her about it and about how sad he was about it, and about our relationship. She did tell me that she wishes I had gone to her and told her about it, before I had the abortion because she would have talked to me about it and maybe convince me to keep it,

 

I am not sure what to do now. I am on the precipice of moving out to San Diego and am excited and happy about the move, but her call has unnerved me a lot since it brought up a lot of memories, feelings, and hopes that i had been trying to forget for a long time.

[melrich]

You should go to San Diego. Don't change all the plans you made based on a chat that you had with your exes mom.

 

There are many reasons she could have said these things to you, some,

 

1.They are true

2.She feels guilt about your situation

3.She likes you and wants to remain friends

4.You are HER choice for her son

 

etc. etc.

 

None are good reasons to change your plans. If you are to be re-united with your ex, your plans to move should not impact that event.

[renaissancewoman101]

I am not changing my plans to move to San Diego. I spent the whole weekend and part of the week out in CA and I am having a good time. I am actually very excited to move out here. I saw my apartment for the first time this weekend and was able to move some of my stuff into the place. I want a new start to my life and to move on. It is just that her phone call unnerved me a bit. She still wants me to move out to San Diego and move on with my life. But she wants me to keep in touch with her, and limited touch with her son, and to clean up parts of my life by getting rid of my gay best friend (who is a guy) and put her son in the center of my attention. She says if I did that, there is a big chance he WILL come back to me. She seems confident that he will come back to me.

 

I just find it weird that she waited till now, when I AM moving away to tell me this and give me hope. I guess her son was really surprised that I was moving away, since he told her that he would miss me a lot when I am gone since he wont be able to do anythign with me (as if he has done anything with me much, in the last few months since he broke up with me).

[Relationship Coach]

RW,

San Diego is a wonderful place to start anew. Leave your immature ex to play with his teenage buddies. His mothers comment that he needs to be the center of attention fits right in with hanging out with a younger and more easily impressed crowd. He's the 32 year old Peter Pan with his lost boys in tow. It sounds like you are better off without him and his mother.

 

What gives anyone the right to tell you who you should hang out with? I understand it is your former and now he is gay, so what? Everyone should have a gay friend, maybe then the world would have a better understanding that they are normal people too.

 

His mother knows you are the best choice for her son but the question is, is he the best choice for you? I think not. Toss out your ice scraper as you pull out of town it serves no purpose in San Diego.

[Mun]

Yikes the ex mother in law!

I'm glad you are still moving to San Diego.

 

His mother sounds like a manipulative woman and you don't need her jerking around your life like that. She likes you because she thinks you would "take care" of her little boy...girl, you need you a MAN...not a boy. There are plenty of men in San Diego

[annie24]

I also think that moving to SD is one of the best things you can possibly be doing. Make sure to get out and have fun. Walk on the beach, go to outdoor concerts, play beach volleyball.

 

I agree with Melrich - his mom may have had her own motives for saying that stuff. If one day, your ex realizes he can't live without you, he can move to SD to be with you. Or he can send a U-haul over to SD to move you back home. Until then, you just keep moving on.

 

The mom does sound manipulative. You are trying very hard to move on with your life, and she is trying to not let you go. Ultimately, it's a decision for her son to make, not for her to make.

 

good luck with the move.

[renaissancewoman101]

Yes, I am still moving to San Diego. There is no turning back. I was just out in CA for the weekend and am flying home today. It has been a lot of fun and I am very excited about moving out here. There is a lot for me out here and I am excited. My best friend is out here also, and I can have the opportunity to start over again, make new friends, make a life, and maybe find a bf.

 

I think his mom is grasping at straws to see if there is any way we can get back together. I think the ex may still have some feelings for me, but from us getting together last Sat, he doesnt want to get back together with me. He doesnt talk much about his new gf though. I know he is surprised that I decided to move away from here. He did tell me that.

 

The ex's mother tells me that she wants me to move on with my life and move out to San Diego and make a life out there. But, she also wants me to keep in touch with them, esp with her, and to keep in limited contact with her son to show I still care. I told her that I have stayed out of his way to show that I am not out to harass him or bug him and she told me that she knows I have left him alone. She tells me to keep in limited contact with him to show I do care. AND, to get rid of my two gay friends and my situation, there there is a BIG chance he will come back to me.

 

Her insistence of getting my parents phone number in case she needed to contact me, kind of unnerved me, but I gave it to her, because I do have a sense of respect for parents and I dont like to be mean to parents. That is something my mother instilled into me.

[annie24]

He can miss you all he wants, but until he says, "I miss you, I love you, let's get back together," everything else is worth nothing.

 

His mother can miss you also, but again, you don't want to date his mother, you want to be with him.

[renaissancewoman101]

Annie24, I get what you are saying. Personally, I dont think he is coming back to me. I do think that his mom is not at all happy that he has found a new gf that is 18. She always liked me being his gf because I had it together much more than ALL his other gfs. I also have a career and live on my own, which she liked.

 

I just wished that she had not contacted me, ONE week before I am about to move out to CA, because this has brought up a slew of feelings and confusion. I am still moving away but I feel depressed now.

 

I just found it weird that she wanted my parents' phone number and that she wished I would have gone to her about my pregnancy before I had the abortion. I didnt want to go to her because I knew she would want me to keep the baby and then she would have a strong hold on me, which I could not stand.

 

I dont think the ex knows that his mom contacted me and told me the stuff she told me.

[Mun]

Maybe this is just a test...life has a funny way of throwing things at you as if to say " let's see how much resolve you really have to move on to something better..."

[renaissancewoman101]

It very well may be a test. I am resolved to move away from here. There is no reason for me to turn back. I am excited about moving to San Diego. I went and took a look at my apartment this weekend and was excitied about it. It is just that moving out there is going to take a lot of time and money. I still have a lot of stuff to toss out and pack away. I have to drive my car accross to San Diego because of my pets.

[annie24]

I agree with Mun. Sounds like life is throwing you a little "test." Glad to hear that you are excited about SD. It's going to be great!