Personal Reflection.

[SuperDuper]

I'm posting this for one reason, which is not to gain back advice, nor teach anybody anything. But to explain how great love is.

 

It's the overwhelming feeling you get, when you can't even attempt to smile because you're so happy. It's so powerful.. I've noticed this.. while listening to a song tonight.. I sat here and started crying. Not out of self pity, nor anything like that. I am just so blessed that I have experienced this wonderful feeling.

 

I'm so greatful.

 

I now realize I don't regret any of my past decisions that have lead me to this moment. I used to think that I made mistakes, but they weren't mistakes.. I feel wonderful, and full of life.

 

Despite my young age of 16, I have endured unbelievable heart ache, nothing compared to what some of you out there have had to bear, and I congragulate you for that. I think back to a few months ago where I felt so alone, even when I was surrounded by family and friends. I felt somewhat empty, and confused as to why.

 

I'm so proud at this very moment. I'm not afraid to show emotion in my relationships, that's the real me, and i'm going to try and be someone to produce an image, to live up to. It's useless.

 

I'm still in love with this girl.. she has a constant hold on me. Even when she left me, I was in love. I hated the fact that I was, but I adored the fact that I was in love, and was greatful that I could experience the most powerful emotion on earth.

 

She has now come back into my life. I have no expectations.. I am so young. I need to enjoy my life. And even if something ended up happening that broke my heart, I wouldn't care. I'm so in love and I don't care if i'm ignorant because of this, or oblivious to the fact of being a smart lover. I really could care less.

 

I'm not going back to see if any of this makes any sense, because half the time my thoughts are totally scrambled anyways, but for once it seems like I am creating perfect logic. If love is the most important emotion, why do we hide from it sometimes. Why put ourselves out of contact with the person in order to lose the love. I understand it's needed in some situations, but there are some cases in which love can be re-united, and reborn. These are the situations as to which i'm referring.

 

Im proud for another reason. Im proud for staying strong when I needed to.. and gained back what I deserved, peace of mind. This girl .... there's something about her that has a complete grasp on me. If I multiplied each of her flaws by each second I thought of her, I still would be in love with her.

 

There's no way to describe the feeling, and the only way to know what i'm talking about is to experience it. It's as if a single smile sent from her can make my personal sorrow disappear, and make me feel whole again. I thank her for everytime she makes me feel good about myself. She is what makes me happy.

 

When we were apart, I could manage.. but I knew I wanted to be with her, no matter how many times I subconsciously told myself otherwise.

To my surprise she did a complete U-turn and came back to me, and I thank this feeling for that. This love. I feel she has the other half of it and followed it back to me.. and once she found peace of mind, she knew where to stay.

 

I could be totally wrong, and she could turn around again.. and be gone tomorrow forever. Sure, i'd be heartbroken.. but it'd be worth it. Every single second. Every minute of sorrow, would be worth every second of happiness. I am thankful for that. Things do always get better.

 

I thank love for that.

[melrich]

Beautifully put. That's is so good to hear.