Just a quick thank you...

[Da5id]

For those of you that know, my ex fiance and I broke up in April and tried to get back together after 3.5 months of NC in July. Only to break up AGAIN at the end of October when she told me she just "didn't feel the same way she used to."

 

Well, I have maintained a strict NC policy and after much pain, suffering and blabbering to all of you, I got back on the horse.

 

I started hanging out with friends, dating new women, creating new artwork and got heavy into my photography again.

 

With xmas only 1 week away, I was afraid I would be very upset about "missing out" on her family and friends and the stuff that we used to do together.

 

But overall, I am happier than I have been in a long time. The fog is starting to lift and while I still think about her often, the thoughts are not stabs of pain and feelings of loss. Instead they are more introspective, trying to figure out why I tried so hard to save a relationship that only I seemed to really care about.

 

At any rate, instead of dropping off the face of the earth because I feel better, I thought I would extend some of my experience to all of you.

 

For those of you that are just starting your uphill NC battle, it has been a little over 2 months for me.

 

Hope this lends at least a little encouragement to someone out there.

 

Cheers!

-Dayvid

[newts]

Excellent post. It gives people hope knowing that as time goes by we call ALL get on with our lives.

 

It's hard to think life can go on after such hurt, however, it does and we are much better off for it.

 

Keep up the good work. Glad to hear you are feeling better and this site could be there for you when you felt despair.

[ShySoul]

Glad things are looking good for you.

 

And to those who take longer then 2 months, don't feel bad. Each person is different. But be glad that you can "move on" as there are some of us whose passion and fire for another will never fade, will always burn as strong.

[capricorn85]

Wow I am now on day 25 of NC...it's rough, but it's better than speaking to him!

[onmyownagain]

You people are so lucky to be able to go NC. Pity the poor suckers like me who have to talk to our exs all the time because we have a child

[Wimpy]

The fog is starting to lift and while I still think about her often, the thoughts are not stabs of pain and feelings of loss. Instead they are more introspective, trying to figure out why I tried so hard to save a relationship that only I seemed to really care about.

 

I broke up with my ex in April too - but unlike you I've never spoken to him since (different situation though from yours). I totally agree with this comment. I am now feeling much better and when I do think about him - it's on these terms.

 

This past weekend saw quite an important date for us and I secretly wondered if he'd remember it and use it as an excuse to get in touch. He didn't and I guess I'm not surprised. Instead of moping around I was 600 miles away accompanying a friend to a disciplinary interview where the allegations against her just don't add up. It felt good to be involved with someone who actually APPRECIATED my help and didn't take it for granted like my ex. It's a funny old world - what a difference 365 days can make.

 

NC since he broke up with me in an e-mail in April has been really tough but it has got me to where I am now. I don't think I care any longer if I never speak to him again which is probably a good job coz I think it HIGHLY unlikely our paths will ever cross again!

[kellbell]

Hi Da5id!

 

I am so glad to read that you are doing well. It sounds like you have been doing things that are right for you and to help you move on. I know the holidays can be hard but you have come so far. Thank you for sharing your progress, it does give others hope and insight that in fact NC works and helps tremendously. Take care.

[healinginnyc81]

Da5id, it's so great to hear from someone who has made progress with NC. I can't see the "fog" ever lifting but it's good to hear that it is possible. I hope everything goes well for you.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

[novaseeker]

You people are so lucky to be able to go NC. Pity the poor suckers like me who have to talk to our exs all the time because we have a child

 

Well ... I know what that is. You havee to negotiate the boundary, and yes it sucks in a way, but what you can try to do is have no contact other than kid-related contact for a while. That's what we did. We went for months and months at the beginning with minimal contact other than the perfunctory scheduling and related calls and so forth. Now, 2 years later, we are friends as well and can talk about any number of things and have fun conversations and so forth without any sense of them dedging up the pain, provided we don't touch taboo topics like our former relationship and things like that.

[ShySoul]

onmyownagain,

 

You have something special that the others don't have. You have that child. And no matter what the ex is like, that child thinks the world of you. So enjoy that. Children are the greatest blessing in the world.

[onmyownagain]

ShySoul. Thanks for that, you are right. My ex contacts me a lot at the moment especially this week, even started emailing me jokes today which is a first. Think she may well be having second thoughts with it being Christmas, but the more she does it the more I feel okay about the current situation. Weird!

[ShySoul]

Thats great onmyownagain. Relationships with ex's can be weird and confusing. You've got hurt and resentment and all kinds of feelings from what went wrong that can make it hard. But you can work it out and get along. And the child can be a big help, since he or she needs both a mom and dad who won't be being mean to one another.

 

Best of luck. Merry Christmas, and give the child a hug for me.