I am driving myself nuts thinking that he might be with someone else

[4advice]

Hello- just a short round up of my situation. I dated and lived with my bf for 5 yrs. We/he ended things three months ago. It has been hard, we talk everyday b/c we are best friends. We broke up in the first place b/c i was ready for marriage and commitment, he was not. After a year of me wanting commitment and he not knowing it was driving us into a unhealthy relationship and we broke up. I moved three hours away and have not found new friends or anyone else. I drive myself nuts at night thinking if he is looking at other women. I am so mixed up. I am thinking that after the new yrs i want to start having NC with him. I am not healing well with talking everyday with him. I just need some input or a friends advice.

[novaseeker]

Hello- just a short round up of my situation. I dated and lived with my bf for 5 yrs. We/he ended things three months ago. It has been hard, we talk everyday b/c we are best friends. We broke up in the first place b/c i was ready for marriage and commitment, he was not. After a year of me wanting commitment and he not knowing it was driving us into a unhealthy relationship and we broke up. I moved three hours away and have not found new friends or anyone else. I drive myself nuts at night thinking if he is looking at other women. I am so mixed up. I am thinking that after the new yrs i want to start having NC with him. I am not healing well with talking everyday with him. I just need some input or a friends advice.

 

Well thats the issue with remaining close friends, at least at the beginning of the breakup process. It's very hard staying in contact with someone that much at the beginning, in my view ... it's too easy for the mind, which is reeling with the normal break-up issues, to have thoughts like the ones you're having when the person is present in your life (even on the phone or IMs) on a regular basis. It may make sense for you to step back from him a bit for a while, just for yourself, just for your own healing, and then later on, once you're healed, pick up the friendship string again (or not, depending on how you feel down the road).

 

The thing to be careful about is whether the need or desire to remain friends is just that or whether it's covering a need or desire to undo to the breakup ... whether now or down the road. If it's the latter, it will impede the healing process.

[octopus]

I agree. Every time you have contact in ANY possible way, it's back to square 1. It's like an addiction. You get a little bit of them, feel good, feel high, but it drains you to death afterwards. I'm thinking of moving away too, but I will always, always hope he comes back to me. Also, I'm in a similar situation to you, he's probably going back to his EX, whom I know. I can't stand the thought of it. I wish all this was a nightmare, but since you're having the same i guess it's not

[thil]

I can imagine how hard it must be having such regular contact with your ex, I have kept contact to the bare minimum needed to keep things friendly with my ex and I am finding it tough getting my mind off her. I think limiting the amount of contact you have,or, if you are able to stopping contact completely for a while is definitley the best way to start your healing. I wish you the best of luck, I'm having to make similar decisions now and I know how hard they are and how scary they can seem. In your head you'll have a good idea of which is the best route to take, its just a case of forcing your heart to go along with it.