Insecure and Jealous at times

[romanticlover]

Hello, I am new to this forum and hopefully I can get some good advice. I just recently got back with an ex from about 3 years ago. Each time we would run into eachother, we would get these feelings back. Months would go by and it would happen again so we decided to give it another shot. It's been a few months now and I am starting to notice a few issues. First we are different people. Our signs are not compatible at all, but we manage well. We clash at times about our opinions and ideas on life, work, etc. I am more of the woman and she is more of the guy in the relationship. Anyways, I have a tendency to be materialistic and shallow at times when it comes to appearance and dating. My girlfriend is the opposite. She could date someone that wasn't all that attractive, but has a great personality. I have always had a hard time doing that. I need to be attracted to both. We have had discussions about these things. I would pamper her, buy her things, be really sweet to her, etc and she felt that she couldn't make me happy cause I was expecting the same in return. I told her every once and a while would be nice and she is sweeter to me now. When we first started dating, I was way more into the sexual aspect and she was more into the mental aspect. She used to get mad cause it seemed thats all I wanted from her. To me, sex is very emotional and I express it that way alot as well as other ways.

Recenty, I came accross a few photos of her and one of her ex's. I was shocked cause he was not good looking at all to me. But I saw her hugging him and had a huge smile and it looked as if she was happy. Just made me start to think. Am I pleasing her mentally and emotionally? I never used to think like this until I saw her with him. Now I get jealouls and insecure about making her happy on a mental and emotional level and it has started to effect my sexual attraction towards her. 2 times in a row and I couldn't get stimulated. I just have this on my mind so much and I don't know how to let it go. I just now get so upset feeling that I can't make her happy like other guys she has been with. I really am sweet to her, romantic, loving caring but this is my own insecurity I guess. Do I ask her, bring it up, ignore it? What do I do to just get this stupid feeling out of my head. Please give some advice and thank you for reading this long story.

[melee18]

well you must make her happy to some extent otherwise why would she get back with you after you already broke up for so long? just because an ex made her happy doesn't mean that it was working out for them. most relationships are filled with happy times, and those pictures are just a reflection of that.

i would tell her how you're feeling. it's not good to keep all of this bottle up, and she probably has the answer you're looking for as in "no you don't make me as happy as i could be b/c you don't do this" or "yes of course you make me happy, that's why i'm with you!"

 

sounds to me though that you guys have a good thing going, and this is just one of those roadbumps that come up along life of a relationship - doubting yourself and how well things are going. kuddos for wanting to please the woman you're with! i would try to work it out with her - it seems like you guys have already worked out a lot of your differences in the past and differences in a relationship can be a good thing.

[romanticlover]

Thanks for the advice. Sometimes I feel I can open my mouth too much and some things are better off not said. I'd rather not let her know that I came accross a photo. But I guess the best thing to do is just have a good talk with her about how things are going. A neutral discussion. You know, how happy I am but also things that could make us happier or that would give us a better future. I know that I make her happy or else she would not be with me and she would still be with her ex's if I didn't. Only thing that worries me is the sexual issue. 2 times in a row I had difficulty getting aroused. This is someone I love, attractive, and I feel horrible that it wasn't all there. Is this normal? It's probably cause I'm thinking too much. Thanks again

[melee18]

yeah i'd say it was normal not to be able to get aroused if you had a lot of anixeties - like you said you were probably thinking too much! it's kinda like when your concentrating too hard on something you know you can do - you just need to let go a bit and it'll come to you.

 

best of luck with your chat with her - hopefully it'll clear some things up!

[romanticlover]

BAd news. I know I should not do this, but I was snooping again and found a few old emails from this particular ex. Id made me sad to see some of the things I saw. They definitely said I love you to eachother. It made me think a few things. They broke up a few months before we got back together. They also were together once before, but it didn't work out apparently because he lied to her about something. I hope that I am not a rebound boyfriend. Granted their last relationship only lasted mayb 1-2 months tops. We have been back together for like 5 now. I just don't want to think that she just says I love you to anyone. Now I feel that she doesn't really mean it and just says it out of habbit. She also mentioned in her emails to him that they are very different and that caused an issue. She said the same to me in the past and present. Hope it's not a pattern. I asked her if she did love me and if I made her happy and she said yes, but with little emotion. Then again, that is how she is. Not nearly as emotional as I am. I totally see myself being the better boyfriend than this last guy, but it hurts to see that she said she loved him also. I really should not snoop cause I just hurt myself. What do you think? Thanks

[lovecrazy]

You need to speak with her, It doesnt sound like to me you are a rebound boyfriend.

 

It just sounds like you are worried that you two will not make it in the relationship, but I agree with the other posters. Why would she get back with you if she didnt love or care for you?

 

Why did you two break up the first time?

 

And you two are still new to each other, you stated you are different people? Are you happy with how the relationship is going?

 

It sounds like you love this girl? So I would just try and tell her your fears.

 

I myself am insecure at times. My boyfriend and I have been having a rough couple of months, he would break up wtih me, I would get us back together. then finally on Dec 22 he told me it didnt see it was going to work, then on Christmas Eve he called and tell me he realized he loved me, that he was sorry. and he finally had time to think. I told my boyfriend that I was insecure that he was going to leave again, and he asked him to everyonce in a while just mention that he wasnt going to leave. And you know what I havent felt more comfortable in the last 3 days of this "new" relationship that I have ever.

 

Just talk to her about your fears?

 

And for her to come bakc to you, it sounds me to that she is happy, and you are good enough for her!