Long Distance? How does it work?

[roxy79]

I have been dating a guy for one month now. We live about an hour apart. For me, this is the first time I have dated someone who lives more than 20 minutes away from me. With that, I have only been seeing him once a week. We talk about once a week too.

 

My question: is this how new long distance relationships are? I've always talked to the guy Im dating almost everyday and had the choice, if i wanted to, to see them everyday too. but with this new guy, I don't have that luxury. He's a very busy person and a bit older than I am. 26 vs. 33. I feel like we definetly have a connection and that things are progressing just fine... I'm learning to be patient.

 

Another question: Just because we only talk once a week, does that mean he isn't into me as much as I thought he was? He came down last weekend and spent sat and sunday with me. We talked Wed. on the phone and I haven't talked to him since. Is this bad? Or do you all think things are "chill" and I just need to relax?

 

Any advice would be great. I'm torn between thinking this is how normal relationships progress or that I'm just on his back burner.

[darkblue]

He made the effot to come down and see you, and spend the weekend with you - so I don't think it's a case of him not being interested.

He migh just be very busy.

 

As for how much to talk - that is set by how much time you both have, availabe to talk. And how much time you feel comfortable talking.

 

Things seem fine - don't worry.

[roxy79]

I was believing that we both are extremely busy people and that we'd call each other when we truly had the "time" to talk. It seems useless to call someone when you truly don't have the time TO talk.

 

I was also thinking to myself, I just saw him on Sunday...we talked on Wednesday (we didn't have THAT much to say since we had just seen each other), and he let me know what he had going on for the weekend (lots to do).

 

I guess the communication is there...I just have never dated someone who didn't call me everyday. I guess it's obvious he does have a life other than me and I should be happy that he's not sufficating me, right?

[darkblue]

It could be for the best that you don't constantly talk, as you can have more quality conversations, rather than a chat everyday about the weather...

 

You might want to consider talking to him about setting out times of when he is free, and when you are free - and organising times to call each other.

[roxy79]

I agree. I feel when more time passes, I have more to say to him and I find that I am more excited to talk to him too. I like the fact that when we do talk, we have more to say than just "the weather was nice."

 

If I were to mention about specific times for us to talk, how do you say that without sounding lame? Do I say "i know you and I both have busy schedules, but is there a GOOD time to call you when you'd be able to talk?"

 

Also...so overtime, will things progress? I feel pretty good about my situation...being that I've seen him 3 times in the last 4 weeks. it must be my ego settling in, giving me a hard time about the whole "not so many calls" things. I'd like to believe just because he isn't calling me, doesn't mean he isn't thinking of me. Right?

[darkblue]

Just because he is a busy man, and can't always find the time to talk to you, everday - it doesn't mean he is not thinking of you.

He most definitely cares about you if he is willing to spend two days with you, when you know he is so busy.

 

As for the long-term:

I feel pretty good about my situation

That is all you need to know

Take things slow. Things are good just now, and will be good tomorrow.

Don't worry so much. Just relax and enjoy.

[roxy79]

So, is it okay for me to call him? My friends believe that a girl should only call a guy when she is returning his call. but I disagree. They are all about playing the game. I feel like if I want to call him, I should call him. Why does it have to be a game? I don't want to have to think, well if I call him am I going to scare him away or is this ruining my chances of a continued relationship with him?

 

but unfortunately, do to constant baggering by my friends, my mentality somehow resorts to their way of thinking. What do you think?

[darkblue]

If you don't think of it as a game - it no longer becomes a game.

And no, I don't think you will scare him away by calling him.

 

He is interested in you, and he is in a relationship with you - it does not matter who calls who.

 

I would suggest that you tell your friends you want to do it your way!

[roxy79]

Thanks for the help. I'm trying to teach myself patience. It's killing me but since I think he is "worth keeping", I'm gonna have to do it. any suggestions on how to stay occupied and "not worry" about my situation so much?

[darkblue]

Doing your own thing, too.

As you will know when to expect him to call, and when you will call him - you can organise nights out with the girls.

 

That will help you stay an individual and not just consumed with the relationship.

[novaseeker]

So, is it okay for me to call him? My friends believe that a girl should only call a guy when she is returning his call. but I disagree. They are all about playing the game. I feel like if I want to call him, I should call him. Why does it have to be a game? I don't want to have to think, well if I call him am I going to scare him away or is this ruining my chances of a continued relationship with him?

 

but unfortunately, do to constant baggering by my friends, my mentality somehow resorts to their way of thinking. What do you think?

 

This is an issue. If you make it into a game, you may lose the game eventually. Better to play it straight, in my view. If you want to call, call. Don't try to manipulate someone by playing games ... it's not a nice thing to do.

 

On the long-distance thing, I would think talking more than once a week would be better. I spoke to my LDR ex every day in some shape or form, whether in text or email or phone or whatever ... just to feel that daily connection. Is there a set time when you're both available to talk? Maybe early in the morning as the day is beginning, or, on the other end of the day in the later evening?