feel so bad

[brahman]

i feel horrible right now. i had surgery so i cant do anything im stuck at home all day long, i cant do my norMAL ACTIVIIES, NOTHING SEEMS TO HOLD MY INTEREST, i just realized i was writing in caps and am too tired to change it.

 

to add to all this, me and my girl arent doing to well. i think we are at the point where we know it is going to end, but nether of us wants it to end so we keep up the show so we can stay together for just a little longer. there are different levels and different kinds of love here. its a different love i have for her and that is why i think this is so hard.

[shes2smart]

If you had any type of surgery where they had to put you under general anesthesia, you are going to feel crappy for a while. Healing after surgery takes most of your body's energy, which is why you get tired easily and exhibit symptoms of depression. If you are taking any pain-killing meds, they will also alter your mood into a more depressed state...particularly if you are prone to depression to begin with.

 

Right now, your focus needs to be on healing from the surgery. The issues in your relationship can wait. Trust me on this one. 5 years ago around this time I was in the death throes of the relationship with my ex when I found out I had to have surgery on a herniated disk in my neck. Everything else had to take a back seat to having the surgery & recovering from it. Trying to deal with anything beyond surgery & recovery at that point was simply too much. The relationship issues were still there, waiting to be resolved after I had fully recovered from the surgery several months later when I was more able to deal with a break-up.

 

Come to think of it, some of his behavior during my recovery showed me that it was time to move on. The idea of someone operating on my cervical spine really freaked me out, so I had a "come to Jesus" moment about what I really wanted out of a relationship...during recovery, it became crystal clear I wasn't going to get it from my ex.

 

Anyway, your plate is full right now just doing the physical recovery from surgery. Focus on what you need to do to get back to full physical health and nothing more. That means a lot of rest, eating properly, doing physical therapy if that's part of your recovery, and taking whatever meds you're supposed to. Although my advice on pain meds is to take as little of them as possible, and the sooner you can ditch them the better.

 

First time I had surgery, I stayed on the pain meds for the entire 4-6 weeks the docs said I should/could take them and I was a depressed mess at the end of it. Next time, I stopped them after a week, and I was in a much better place mentally.

 

Work, your relationship issues, and all your normal activities will still be there in a few weeks. Your only "job" right now is to recover from surgery...and that's enough to keep you plenty busy.

[registered]

Yeah Brahman, I'm with shes2smart, you need to focus on healing first.

 

Our state of mind really does have a big effect on how you heal from surgery, speaking from experience too. If you stay positive you will heal faster and with less trouble.

 

Exercise is also important. You do need to maintain some activity if possible. Maybe you can't do your ordinary work out but is there something you can do? Even if it is very small and simple.

Maybe you could ask your doctor for some suggestions.

 

Make some people come and hang out with you too, this will be good therapy.

Watch a funny movie, listen to music, get out if that is possible (sunlight and fresh air!).

 

Also, take this time out to learn something new. Maybe something you have been delaying or maybe something that will help you with your usual interests which you can't do now.

Read up big on something that is interesting to you.

 

Get well soon.

[Relationship Coach]

I agree with RGST and S2S, nurse yourself then the relationship. Hang in there!