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not sure how to deal with this

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*bear with me...this is a long post. thanks.


so recently i've been dealing with the whole questioning my sexuality thing. one night a few months ago i told a gay guy i know that i think i like girls. even though i don't know him very well, the next day he emailed me and said he was there for me if i wanted to talk. we emailed back and forth a few times and i basically said that i wasn't ready to "come out" because i didn't know where i stood.


since then i've been thinking about stuff a lot. i am sexually attracted to guys, and have only been intimate with guys. i've never been sexually attracted to a girl, but i often become emotionally attracted to/infatuated with girl friends. and i did make out with a girl about a year ago, but we were both ridiculously drunk and i know she is straight. then last week i got an email from a girl i hardly know. she is bi and goes to my university but we have never had a conversation...however she is friends with the gay guy i "blabbed" to. anyway, this in this email she asked me out, saying she'd had a few drinks and her friends had encouraged her to email me. i responded saying i didn't know where i was with things..and she wrote back and said fine, but the offer still stands if i want to.


ok this is where it gets harder. i am a senior in university and about to graduate in may. i go to a small school where news travels fast and the gay community is almost non-existent - there are perhaps 3 bi/les girls that i know of. i know that i need to date/experiment with girls in order to help myself decide, and part of me just wants to go for it...but:

a) she and i never had a conversation, so going from that email to a "date" would be weird...and what if i just want to experiment with my sexuality rather than date anyone right now? do i just say "hey, i'd be up for a grope fest if you would"...?

b) it is impossible to try these things on a campus as small as mine without everyone and their dog knowing within 3 days. i am happy at my place in life right now and dont want to disrupt the social dynamic of me and my friends etc...and should i just wait til i graduate and go off to start a new chapter of my life?


umm thanks for reading all that... ](*,)

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Well, my first question is, are you sure you need to date girls to decide about this? You said you're only sexually attracted to guys, which seems to me to indicate that you may be straight.


Second- handle gay dating similar to how you would handle straight dating. Suppose a guy randomly e-mailed you and wanted to go out with you. Would you? Probably not, you would at least first try to get to know him a little as a friend.

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yeah i do think i need to date girls to decide this. there's something nagging at me that won't go away...i think if i was surely straight then i wouldn't be considering doing this.

well if i guy i "sort of" knew emailed me then i would be more likely to go out with him than this girl, bc it's less awkward for me due to it being a more familiar situation.

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Emotional attraction without the physical component equals "A very good friend."

It seems to me that you enjoy having friendships with other females, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, from reading your post, It seems like you are straight...

For instance, I've never dated a guy before, but I know that I am emotionally and physically attracted to other men...thereforeeee, I'm gay.


but if you are seriously questioning yourself, perhaps you should take it slowly before just deciding to label yourself. Most of us here have gone through years and years of questioning and denial before finally accepting our orientations...


Good luck to you! =)

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I think going on a date or two with another woman might be a way for you to help figure out whether it feels like a date with a guy or not, and whether it's the same experience for you or not. It seems like if you are not sexually attracted to other women, you're likely not lesbian or bi to some degree, but one way to help sort that out is to see how you feel by dating other women ... whether it feels the same way it does if you were dating a guy or not.

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