Slept with best friend

[maynards_razorblade69]

Hi all,

Over the past few months I've been getting really close to this guy J as a friend, and a few weeks ago it dawned on me that I have really really big feelings for him. He struck me as the "perfect" guy in the non-perfect sense, if that makes sense?

Anyway, last night a bunch of friends, him and I went to the cinema, when we got back home, J and P (my best girl friend) and I drank a bit of alcohol and settled down to watch a scary film. When we had finished watching, P had fallen asleep, and J asked me to blow out the candles (we were lying next to each other on the bed). When I had, I leaned back against him and he brought his arms all the way round me and held me close. My top was kinda riding up at this point and he began stroking me, touching me, and I did the same back. Eventually we moved in and started kissing, but when he tried to have sex with me I told him I was drunk but not stupid and I wasn't about to have sex unprotected with him. He pulled away and said ok, then he asked me if I fancied him and I said yes. This seemed to shock him, because he leaned back and started swearing, then I remembered he had a girlfriend, and it seemed he did to.

I got off the bed and went to have a cigarette, pacing up and down the garden until he called me over to him, where he put his arms round me and kissed me, telling me he cared for me deeply, he had no idea I felt that way and even though I felt the same way back, he had never thought anything of it because "I'm not the kind of girl he thought he could ever go out with". All this was breaking me up inside and I just wanted him to stop, but I told him it didn't matter and it was ok. We went inside and on the sofa began to touch and kiss again. He did all the things that I loved, all the things we talked about, how much I love it when a guy kisses my nose etc, and he did everything. It was so perfect, intimate and I felt so comfortable with him. Usually I have a self confidence problem, very low self esteem about my body etc but I forgot all that and just delighted in the fact he was touching me and looking at me. He told me I was beautiful, gorgeous etc and I felt like it.

Anyway, we ended up having sex twice that night, it was so perfect, and couldn't get enough of him and the same back. All night we stayed awake, whispering and touching and in the morning I realised he had to go, because he was seeing his girlfriend that day.

He got out of bed, put on his clothes and kissed me, telling me he cared for me deeply, that he was sorry he couldn't be the one for obvious reasons....etc. I was close to crying and yet I smiled and again, said it was ok.

When he left, I heard the door slam and it took all my willpower to remain in bed, the bed that was so cold and lonely without him.

Anyway, I haven't heard from him all day because he's with his girlfriend, and I don't know what to do. I am in love with him, like I've never been in love with anyone else and I can't tell him that, I have "mixed up his feelings" and I don't know what to do. I know what I WANT, I want him, but I can't have that. I know he will not tell his girlfriend about what happened, which makes me feel a bit crap, but then maybe its just coz I want her to split up with him, which I know is entirely selfish. They've only been together for 3 weeks....and by the way he has never cheated on any other girl before, it's not the sort of thing he would do, so WHY did it do it with me???

Anyway, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me, I don't know what to do or feel, I need to cry but I can't get it out.

Thank you to anyone who replies, sorry it's long, but it helps to say everything.

xxx

[sweetie_33]

If you love him and want to be with him soo bad then what u should do is talk to him about, tell him about everything thats going through your head and how the idea of him having a gf bothers you and that you wanna be with him soo bad.. he might want the same thing and he might also be gettiing those mixed up feeling that you talked about.. dont lose him if you love him.. just be honest with him about everything.. hope that helped!