Ieed help..

[RIPDIME]

I am in grade 11 and I really like this girl in grade 9. Anyways at first I noticed that she really liked me as well, when I walked past her she would say hi even though I only knew her friend and of course there were many other observations I made that would prove this true. At first I didnt really take notice and I was too shy to come up with anything to say when she might say "hi" or something similiar. So the days past and I started to fall in love with her. Any moment I would get, I would try to find a way to make her like me. The only problem was I was painfully shy for some reason. I remember years ago I used to be this shy to everyone but I overcame that and now this.. Slowly I noticed that she didnt seem to like me as much, I even brought my guitar to school to play for her (she had asked) and it didnt really change anything. Then I started feeling horrible, Id get a pit in my throat and I even sobbed because I felt so awful, I mean suicide crossed my mind many times and still I feel this emptyness even though there is less than there was before. In any case I am posting this here since I felt I have no other option, to fix this problem that seems to be consuming my life and changing everything (I only think of her now and nothing appeals to me).

 

So is their anything I can do, is this normal and can someone describe to me what I am feeling?

 

Thankyou

[PocoDiablo]

Well, let's see if we can shed some light on this situation, shall we?

 

I am in grade 11 and I really like this girl in grade 9. Anyways at first I noticed that she really liked me as well, when I walked past her she would say hi even though I only knew her friend and of course there were many other observations I made that would prove this true.

Ah, good, a smart man is paying attention to the signs a woman is giving. Yes, her saying Hi is a good sign.

 

At first I didnt really take notice and I was too shy to come up with anything to say when she might say "hi" or something similiar.

If she were your best male friend, what would you say to him? Besides talking about cars, computers, girls, sex, drugs, blood and guts I mean. You'd just walk over and say "Hey, how's it going? Did you see that crazy dude in gym who tried to hurdle the bench and landed on his face?" Right? Right. ASSUME THE RELATIONSHIP already exists, because it does for her!

 

So the days past and I started to fall in love with her.

No, no, no, no, no! You fell in love with the idea that another person took an interest in you. Do you know anything about her? I mean, really, let's be honest. You've never talked to her from what I can tell, so you are feeling something else. Close, but let's get it right from the start so we can focus on what is most important - and that is meeting her.

 

Any moment I would get, I would try to find a way to make her like me.

Here is your problem. You cannot get someone to like you. Instead, you need to get to know them and see if they meet your standards. You have to ask them lots of questions to be sure. I doubt you would want to date a woman who had an STD, was coked out of her mind, or was in a gang, right? Trust me, unless you go on a date and find out, you have no idea who she is - all you see is her body.

 

The only problem was I was painfully shy for some reason. I remember years ago I used to be this shy to everyone but I overcame that and now this..

You're shy because you are unpracticed. Do you know how to ride a motorcycle? (Assume you don't, okay?) Would you just go hop on a motorcycle and try to ride it without any practice? No. Of course not. Your body would make you feel uncomfortable because you KNOW you're going to get hurt. So, instead, you need to talk to someone who can teach you how to ride a motorcycle, start with a little one, wipe out a few times, and then after a while you get a good one and you're fine. Same thing with women. You need to practice!

 

Slowly I noticed that she didnt seem to like me as much

Of course. Why? Because she liked you, gave you some signals, and expected you to ask her out. Because, of course, if you liked her you would ask her out. That is what men do. But you did NOT ask her out, so she was insulted. You basically "told" her that she was too ugly, too dumb, too fat, or that you were gay, or taken, or stupid. Whatever she thinks, it's because you did not ask her out. Think about it. She is not talking to you now, and YOU think YOU did something wrong. (Of course, this happens to be true in our case.) Did you even think about how she would feel rejected? I bet not. Tsk, tsk. It's better to ask her out and get a refusal than not. At least she knows you think she is cute!

 

I even brought my guitar to school to play for her (she had asked) and it didnt really change anything.

Well of course not. Now you are trying to do a song and dance to get her to like you? You are trying to trick her into liking you. You are trying to get her to ask you on a date. It does not work that way. She does not want a trained monkey, she wants a man who will ask her out, take her on a date, and have a good time talking and flirting and making jokes with her. And, of course, that also should lead to hand holding, a good night kiss, and then who knows what. A real man would do that - she expects and knows it - and you failed to deliver. So, you're not a man, and she's not interested any more.

 

Then I started feeling horrible, Id get a pit in my throat and I even sobbed because I felt so awful, I mean suicide crossed my mind many times and still I feel this emptyness even though there is less than there was before. In any case I am posting this here since I felt I have no other option, to fix this problem that seems to be consuming my life and changing everything (I only think of her now and nothing appeals to me).

Remember the motorcycle example? This is your body's way of telling you "Hey, dummy, we need to go take lessons on girls!" You have no social skills and your body is trying to make you so uncomortable that you'll get up and go do something about it. Ah, so those feelings are a GOOD thing. They tell you that you are human, you are perfectly normal, and now you need to go solve the problem. Bravo! (And, by the way, welcome to the club of guys who figure out they need help. I only figured it out when I was in my ealy 30's, you seem to have a slight jump on me...)

 

Look. All you had to do was stop and talk to her for 5-10 minutes and see if you got along at all. If she gave you any more signals that she was into you, like looking you in the eye, touching you, facing her body towards you, and you didn't touch her, stare at her body, stare at other women (or talk about them), then you just ask for her phone number and tell her you'll call her "later" and ask her on a date. Wait 4-5 days and call her up, keep it short, and ask her to Starbucks for a coffee. Simple.

 

If you do not ask her on a date within 2-3 times of meeting her (AFTER talking to her for a few minutes first!) she'll friendzone you or worse. As you saw...

 

 

Go here:

 

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Watch this movie: The Tao of Steve - you're the tall dark haired kid.

 

Lastly, go here:

 

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Those resources should help you get started. Now, keep in mind, those two first sites are only so-so in terms of content. Some things are great, like the newbies guide, but some things that people write is absolute garbage. So you need to think about it VERY carefully and if it's phony, fake, or rude ... avoid it!

[RIPDIME]

Yeah but I have talked to her, how do you think the idea of bringing my guitar came up? The problem I have is I do talk to her but I dont know what to say I get to anxious and too shy, and lets face it someone as shy as myself cant talk to a girl as if she was my best friend. All I really want to know is if there is anyway I can repair any damage I have made, and I dont just like her because she liked me (well thats probably part of it) but im also attracted to her and she seems very nice and almost shy like myself, except she can form a conversation somehow. I dont know it almost seems like I cant live without her, yes I know how stupid that may sound. I just am begging you to give me an answer if there is anyway I can repair this or if I should just move on and block this girl from my memory.

[RIPDIME]

Well thinking about it for a while, your knowleadge did seem dead on.

 

For one your right im sure if a girl liked someone and said "hi" and then the person says nothing they would feel depressed and think that that person just doesnt like them. They may try further but realize that this person isnt friendly so its a possibility that the boy doesnt like them, when really its just that myself or anyone else was shy, but of course how would they know?

 

Secondly you have taught me to not second guess myself. If a girl says "hi" then I should respond and not ask myself "what if it comes out wrong or what if everyone else thinks its strange?" Just do it and try to build as much confidence as possible, its atleast a try.

 

And lastly, I cant impress a girl by "playing guitar or something" because even though girls enjoy guys that play guitar or have other skills it still wont fix the fact that I screwed up because of my anxiety.

 

 

So anyways right now I have a two week holiday and when I come back maybe she will talk to me or maybe not, atleast I have learned a valuable lesson.

 

Thankyou for your help, you dont know how much I appreciate it

[Dregnought]

This reminds m of back when i went to school. The best way is to say some thing, force yourself. I asked 2 girls in my real life, let down both times (one wasnt sure).

 

Dude, there is 2 ways out of this. Talk to her - show intrest. or dont, and she will not like you and you will hate yourself later on.

 

So anyways right now I have a two week holiday

This concerns me, alot. wheneva a girl and I got close, it was always right b4 the holidays. After them, i had to start back from square 1.

[RIPDIME]

I just feel so incredibly empty, its hard to describe and I dont know why or if im the only one that feels this way.

 

So could anyone tell me what I am experiencing maybe a scientific name for it? Even if I try to think positive and carry on my day I get haunted by this feeling and I cant let it go.

 

Thankyou

[PocoDiablo]

Oh, you're not alone, trust me! We ALL go through this. It's just a lack of practice.

 

Did you read that newbies guide? You should REALLY go read the 3's guide:

 

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The Mystery Method is something you may want to pick up, as you're having a hard time approaching. It would be well worth the money for you - I think. However, I also think you MUST couple it with the Doc Love stuff because you can't just approach and then not know how to maintain...

 

You've got two weeks, can you pull it off? It's not that much data.

 

Oh, hey, you should get that and then go practice for two weeks. Go to some clubs or something and practice on other women so when you get back you've got some new information under your belt!

 

Go! Do it! Quick! Perfect opportunity!

[ShySoul]

Your emptiness is not related to this girl and it won't be solved through guides on how to "seduce women." (And please, websites like that are far from helpful. They do far more harm then good. If I had followed their advice I would never have had girls being attracted to me or have spent the night with two wondeful girls. If a girl likes you, it is going to be because of who you are, not because of some website. So don't think about them. No, think about them and visit them. Odds are you will be horrified by what you hear and so repulsed that you'll never want to follow them. After, do you really want to follow sites who talk about "seducing women" and manipulating them? Do you really want to follow the advice of sites that feature guys who openly admit that what they want is not a real relationship, but to get laid?)

 

What you are experiencing is the pangs of lonliness that comes with being human. You are at a stage in life where changes are happening, you are soon to be faced with major upheaval (SAT'S, graduation, college). You have feelings and emotions in you, wanting to be with someone. The way to deal with this is to start looking at yourself. It is to become happy and comfortable with who you are. It is to focus on the things that make you happy. Once you do, you mood shall perk up. And you will naturally attract others.

[Dating Coach]

Actually, websites like that can be very useful and helpful as they were to me. Without them I probably wouldn't be with the wonderful girl I am with now.

 

The only thing is, is that you have to disregard the things that you don't agree with, but keep your mind open to at least consider everything before you disregard it. There were many things on different sites that I just couldn't quite grasp, so I ignored it, but others made sense and I considered it further. This is what you should do.