She said "I can't"...

[Jonathon]

Please refer to for information on me and the girl.

 

Anyways, I asked her out today and I almost didn't. I've had 1 girlfriend in my entire life and this was the first time I've asked a girl out. I almost didn't do it because I was thinking to myself that the timing isn't right because I've backed out at the last minute on asking girls out this year, like 5 of them and took 5 years to ask a girl out but never actually did ask that one girl out. But then I walked up there like it was nothing.

 

Anyways, we were in the gym for PE because it was really cold (we each got a different PE class but the same period) and there was about 7 or 8 girls up at the top of the bleachers, she was only talking to like 2 or 3 of them. So I went up there and sat down next to her and I go "can I sit here?" and she goes "sure" and for about 20 minutes I sit there and then her friend asks if we got conditioning today and I say no and us 3 talk for a few.

 

And then finally I go "hey _____, what are you doing for the weekend?" and she says "nothin'" and then I say something like "I was thinkin we could hang out and play tennis or somethin'" and she says "I don't play tennis on weekends" and then I say "we don't have to play tennis, we can just hang out" and she says "I can't" and then I asked why and she said "I can't" again, and then she told her friend something and like 30 seconds later it was time to go.

 

So while that was most likely a rejection, I don't know what to think because her friends are nice to me at conditioning and stuff, and like super nice. I sure wouldn't of gone up there in front of that many people if I didn't get along with her friends.

 

We have tennis conditioning everyday next week and I see her a few times a day and also one of her friends at lunch so it's going to be hard to just not say anything to them.

 

What do you think?

[lady00]

Sounds like she's not interested...sorry. She didn't handle it very well...shecould've said a bit nicer than just "I can't" or explained that she doesn't have those feelings or whatever. Sorry man.

[shes2smart]

Well, I don't know that I'd jump to the conclusion that she's totally not interested right away.

 

This is a very busy time of year for most people. It's possible she's got family obligations going on. Now, I'm not sure why she wouldn't have just said "I have to go to (whatever) with my parents" as opposed to "I can't"...but perhaps for some reason she might not have wanted to go into details. Is it also possible she's grounded or something and "can't" because of that? I dunno if that would be information I'd really want to share.

 

Anyway, you might want to wait until the holidays are over. Then, sometime in January, see if she wants to go to a movie or out to dinner or something. Be specific -- have a set day/time in mind. If there was one thing that drove me nuts when I was single it was guys who'd say "let's go out sometime." It's too easy for "sometime" to never materialize. Instead, ask her if she'd like to go to the movies Friday night or whatever.

 

Now, if she gives you a no or "I can't" after that, it's probably best to let it drop.

[PocoDiablo]

Here's what I think.

 

Please refer to for information on me and the girl.

You stared at her and never said hello. That can be creepy. Don't do that again.

 

I went up there and sat down next to her and I go "can I sit here?" and she goes "sure" and for about 20 minutes I sit there

Again, creepy. You need to walk up and start talking if you're going to do this kind of thing.

 

and then her friend asks if we got conditioning today and I say no and us 3 talk for a few.

About class/school I assume?

 

And then finally I go "hey _____, what are you doing for the weekend?" and she says "nothin'" and then I say something like "I was thinkin we could hang out and play tennis or somethin'"

Did you make any small talk with her to begin with? Flirt? Get to know her at all? Is there any chemistry? From what I can tell, you walked up, sat down, talked about school, and then asked her to play tennis. Nothing you did was particularly good, either.

 

and she says "I don't play tennis on weekends" and then I say "we don't have to play tennis, we can just hang out" and she says "I can't"

She suddenly realized your intentions. You just totally blew her out of the water there. You went from "Let's practice sports" to "Let's make out." You knew it, she knew it.

 

and then I asked why and she said "I can't" again, and then she told her friend something and like 30 seconds later it was time to go.

You asked why? What did you expect her to say?

 

So while that was most likely a rejection

No, that WAS a rejection, and well deserved, too.

 

I don't know what to think because her friends are nice to me at conditioning and stuff, and like super nice. I sure wouldn't of gone up there in front of that many people if I didn't get along with her friends.

What do her friends have to do with anything? Are you dating them?

 

We have tennis conditioning everyday next week and I see her a few times a day and also one of her friends at lunch so it's going to be hard to just not say anything to them.

Well, yeah, but that is why I don't ask out people in the same class as me, or at work.

 

Okay, now that we have the details out of the way, let's think about how we could do this better next time, shall we?

 

First, you (as far as I can tell) came up and did a very "cold approach" with her. You made small talk, but it had nothing to do about her. You did not determine in any way, shape, or form if she had any interest in you whatsoever. You made her feel uncomfortable. You need to work on that.

 

Next time you need to talk to her and be funny, get to know her, and find out if she has a brain. You need to determine if there is any kind of connection. You really want to make it clear that you're talking to her to find out if SHE meets your standards. Otherwise it just appears that you walk up and ask any woman out. That tells her you are desperate, lonely, don't care who you are with. It is not a compliment.

 

If you are uncomfortable with small talk, might I suggest you pick up a book on flirting?

 

I would recommend you don't talk to her any more. If anything, start chatting with her friends, if you feel a connection, tell her (not ask) that you think she might be an okay person and you want to get to know her better. Tell her to give you her phone number and you'll call her so you can go on a date. Don't ask, tell. If she declines, laugh at her and say "Why would you want to stay home alone when you could go on a date with a cute guy like me?" and laugh - make it clear it's a joke, but you know you are cute. I bet you get a whole different answer than "I can't."

 

You need to come from a place where women know you won't do anything for them, they need to do things for you, to be with you, to gain YOUR friendship. There are lots of other women out there, and if they don't know how cool you are, then you need to move on. It's their loss.

[PocoDiablo]

Well, I don't know that I'd jump to the conclusion that she's totally not interested right away.

 

This is a very busy time of year for most people. It's possible she's got family obligations going on. ... etc....

For reference, I asked my GF out on a date the day before Thanksgiving. Our second date was on Thanksgiving night. She left TG dinner with her family EARLY to go out with me.

 

If a woman is truly interested in you, she will make herself available to spend time with you. It's a no-brainer. If she can't, it's an excuse, and an excuse means "No." Drop her. Don't waste another second on her. As mentioned, ask one of her friends out with whom you have a connection.

 

What you need to do, my young friend, is to PRACTICE asking women out. Every time you screw up, think about what you did and don't do it again! Change your routine until you get positive results, positive body language, and phone numbers!