Fiance's Friend

[rebecca82]

I've been dating someone for awhile who I've found myself head over heels in love with. Recently we've been talking about marriage. When I first met him, his friend Jake told him that I was a " * * * * *". Jake is a drunk, and totally off, but there is some truth is what he has said. I have had a bad past and made bad decisions. I've probably slept with a few too many people along the way, and in all honesty I feel extremely guilty about that. Hearing those words from Jake, who I'd never met before my boyfriend came along, was really a slap in the face, not from him as much as myself. The other day, my boyfriend told me exactly what Jake has continued to say about me, but instead of questioning me when I was silent and acting hurt, he just said, "You know that even if what he said was true, I don't care. I love you the same." Although I am extremely grateful to have someone so understanding and forgiving in my life, I still feel a lot of guilt. Is it valid? And if so, what do I do to make sure that it doesn't put a damper on our relationship?

[WildChild]

It sounds as though you have a wonderful boyfriend who loves you very much. I would just give him a big hug for understanding and an "I love you too" back and let it be. If he doesn't have a problem with it, I wouldn't be looking for one

[BellaDonna]

Hi rebecca82.

 

First of all, what makes this Jake guy think he has the right to backstab you?

 

there is some truth is what he has said. I have had a bad past and made bad decisions. I've probably slept with a few too many people along the way, and in all honesty I feel extremely guilty about that. Hearing those words from Jake, who I'd never met before my boyfriend came along, was really a slap in the face, not from him as much as myself.

 

What you did was your business. I'm sure Jake isn't perfect. Nor does he have the right to act like that. What does HE care anyways? You are in a committed, loving relationship with your fiance- and your fiance accepts and loves you for who you are, so in my opinion Jake should shut his trap now. His behavior goes beyond the point of simply looking out for a friend- he's being OBNOXIOUS now if he still continues to act like this after his friend chose a relationship with you.

 

 

 

Jake is a drunk

 

A person should not throw stones if they live in a glass house. He's no better. I'm sure Jake would not like it if you called him a drunk and an

a " * * * * *". Luckily you are mature enough not to act like he does.

 

Jake is just jealous and trying to ruin your relationship.

 

It sounds like you have a really great guy- you should talk to your fiance about how this is making you feel. Honestly, your fiance should not tolerate this kind of talk and disrespect anymore either. Maybe the 2 of you can have a little talk with Jake about all of this and then maybe he'll start acting like an adult.

 

 

BellaDonna

[DN]

Forget about Jake - his opinion should not matter to you and it obviously doesn't to your boyfriend.

 

People make mistakes - it's part of growing up. The trick is to learn from them and you obviously have. So it's now time to move to the next stage which is to move on, forgive yourself for whatever happened and get on with the rest of your life happy in the knowledge that you have matured, learned and grown as a person.

[SLMitchell918]

I agree with the other posts. Jake is a jerk and probably isn't too saintly himself. We all make mistakes in our lifes and thats what makes us the great people we are today. It sounds like you have a wonderful boyfriend that loves you for who you are and is totally understanding. Be very thankful!

 

Best of Luck!!

[Tigris]

The past has gone and cannot be changed! It's the present and the future that are important now.

 

Good luck with your relationship.

[rebecca82]

thank you!!

[ShySoul]

You know that even if what he said was true, I don't care. I love you the same."

 

Keep remembering that. He loves you, the person you are now, complete with past mistakes. We all have made mistakes in the past. We all have things we would like to do over or change. That does not make us a bad person, it makes us human. The important thing is that you have changed and are not making those mistakes anymore. Your finance sees and knows this, and doesn't hold anything against you. He loves you. Remember that.