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What's he playing at?


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I met a guy on a girlie holiday about 1 month ago. We got on really well and he took my number. We've been in contact since. He rings or texts me everyday and we get on well. Here's the thing though - for the last three weekends he has arranged to come down and see me (he lives a couple of hours away) and each time he has let me down. The 1st time he cancelled about 3 hrs before he was due to arrive. He said that his parents were getting a divorce and that his mum was really upset. I found out that he went out with his friends on the Sat night and played football on the Sunday (apparently to take his mind of things) Originally he said it was because of the weather. It's only when I wouldn't take that as an excuse, that he admitted the parent story. He said he was embarrassed and that he'd like to come down the following weekend. Originally I had plans, but told him on Tuesday that they had been cancelled and he was now welcome to see me. He said that that would be nice. He said he had a few things to re-arrange but thought it would be fine. Thursday came and although he was ringing me, he avoided the ' coming over' conversation. I took this as him not coming down. I was right - the weekend came and nothing!!! I wasn't very happy, but went and visited my friends and let him do his own things. He arranged to come down for the third weekend and since we had only made loose plans the second time, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but I said that this would be his last chance. I didn't want to seem too mad because of his parents divorce and a few other things that had been going on his life. On the Thursday night I called him and said that I had a funny feeling that he wouldn't be coming down. He reassured me that he would and that he had bought his train ticket and that he promisees he wouldn't let me down. Friday morning came and like I had done the last 3 weekend, I got up early, made myself look beautiful, tidied the house. I went to work and at mid-day (a few hours before he was due to arrive) I received an email from him saying that he couldn't come down because of his parents divorce and because he had marking to do (he's a teacher). I was gutted and cried my eyes out at work. I didn't even bother replying. For days he tried to apologise. Eventually I spoke to him and he said he was desperately sorry and that he had things going on his life. I asked why he kept on arranging to see me when he had such a lot on. He didn't have an answer. He said that he really likes me and that he will do anything. I'm so so confused. What is he playing at? Why is he making so much effort, but when it comes to visiting, he's so lazy?

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personally...i dont think he's lazy. i want to believe his life is chaotic right now. if his parents are divorcing....that has to be eating him up alive. he really needs his life to not be complicated and for you to be understanding. please try to give him the benefit of the doubt and not take this so personally. he would prob like to see you...he just...cant.

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If he's a teacher then he's an adult. This type of behaviour is that of a young teenager! He shouldn't be messing someone elses life up. It's unforgiveable that he's done it to you three times! It's only common courtesy to phone someone and apologise.


If he's like this now what would he be like in a long term relationship?


I personally think you're better off without him!


I hope someone comes along soon who appreciates you more?


Good luck and take care.

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I dunno Ms. Omaniac.... this sounds like a pretty classic case of "He's just not that into you."


Honey - don't cry your eyes out. I have had guys do such stupid excuses to me, including cancelling a date a few hours before by e-mail, instead of just calling! It is really rude and gutless.


Think of things this way: this behavior in the business world would NEVER fly. If a man has a business client, but then cancels because "his parents are getting divorced" or cancels meetings at the last minute by e-mail, the client would say "Forget him!" and they would find someone new to do business with.


Men know that excuses don't fly in the business world. So why should they fly in the dating world? So, he is so upset about his parents' divorce that he can't see you on a date, but he can play football? C'mon - that just doesn't sound right!!!


Or, if he really was feeling down, he would reschedule and follow through on seeing you. He'd actually show up!!! That's what guys do when they like you. Ok, he has a lot of grading, but he can do it on the train to see you, and on the way back. He can stay up late to grade, if he really wants to see you.


This one sounds too full of excuses. Ditch him!

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i do see your points. but if what he is going through is that tramautic...i also know it's hard to make someone else happy much less yourself. i might be giving him too much benefit of the doubt. i know though if i was in his situation...i might be a little flaky also and it would have nothing to do with my feelings towards the person im with. im just trying to cope.

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I have to agree 100% with mouse and annie. Seriously, we all have problems but when a guy really likes you he doesn't pull some lame * * * flake job each and every time. Don't make excuses for him. Find someone that is crazy about you and will drive the damn train to come see you. If you see this guy he will only get worse.


Please don't cry over his childish behavior. It's not you. Really.


Best of luck,



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I think the worse thing is not that he didn't come to see you, it is that he lied about it. He is reassuring and makes promises but then lies about it and why he didn't show up. Should something like this happen in the furture, call up the person immediately and find out exactly why it happened. This guy wasn't what he made himself out to be. Sorry you had to experience that.

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