I'm shallow!!! Help

[jsip]

Well here's the problem guys. My girl broke up with me about 2 months ago. I have tried dating and they all just dont compare. My ex was a solid 10 out 10 and I consider myself very good looking also. I cant for some reason be attracted to women that are not unbelievable beautiful.

I know i am shallow and I hate it about myself. Do you guys have any suggestions on how to get past this. I really want a partner to share my life with and I know if I keep this up, I will be alone.

 

THanks

[Mrocza]

Your expectations are too high.

 

Why are looks so important to you? Are you unable to find an intimate intellectual connection with someone? Are these solid-10s the same 10's personality wise? Maybe you're just focusing you affection on something purely physical.

 

Looks fade, hun, you get old, you get wrinkles and grey hair and everything sags. Your personality doesn't. Think about what you value.

[RayKay]

Well here's the problem guys. My girl broke up with me about 2 months ago. I have tried dating and they all just dont compare. My ex was a solid 10 out 10 and I consider myself very good looking also. I cant for some reason be attracted to women that are not unbelievable beautiful.

I know i am shallow and I hate it about myself. Do you guys have any suggestions on how to get past this. I really want a partner to share my life with and I know if I keep this up, I will be alone.

 

THanks

 

Attraction IS important, but it's not just about physical looks. There are plenty of "model hot" women and men whom are great to look at, but as soon as they open their mouth, or you find out they are bitter and cruel, they turn into demons. Then there are plenty of "average" men and women whom once you start talking too, turn absolutely gorgeous, because it's the whole package.

 

Look, attraction should be there. Definitely. But it is not everything. So many things are important for a compatible partner, and there are things that also extend past looks. I have been doing lots of research lately on breast cancer for example, because of my mother's diagnosis, and my own high risk, and I have come accross some ABSOLUTELY beautiful women, whom are bald from chemo, missing breast(s) and have scars from surgery, but are some of the most amazingly, beautiful, powerful women I have seen. These are women in their 20s, 30s, 40s, whom are already facing losing a part of what is seen as "sexy". And their partners are still absolutely in love with them. I take very good care of myself, am an athlete, have fantastic breasts I must say, and even my boyfriend has said, he loves them, but if I had to lose them, he would still love me. That love beyond physical is what matters most. I mean when I am 60, 70, I plan on still being in great shape, but gravity still takes it's toll and skin still loses elasticity, and I sure would not want to be with someone whom valued my looks only! Someone whom was about looks only, either way, is not the person I would want to confide in, raise children with, play with, be partners with.

 

Don't get me wrong, I want to be with someone whom cares about their health, their fitness, has great hygiene, takes care of themself, and takes pride in themselves, because those are all things I take care of as well and it's a quality of life/compatibility issue but attraction and love go FAR beyond how their appearance is. People become more attractive and more beautiful the more substance there is behind that face/body.

 

Learn to accept that you should not even be looking for someone whom "compares" to your ex, that everyone is an individual with their own qualities to bring to the table. When you stop comparing immediately to your ex, you may find a lot more people attractive then you had thought!

[Day_Walker]

I think you need to get away from trying to compare other girls to your ex, that is the best way to remedy this issue you have. There is nothing wrong with dating attractive women but lets be honest, 10s dont exist they is always something that is missing. Have a more realistic expectation of the women you date and you will be fine.

[lady00]

You are still comparing the women you meet to your ex. Eventually, when you stop doing this, you will be able to have a better sense of who you're attracted to. Right now, it seems like you're still looking for a replacement rather than someone whom you find attractive in her own right. Give it time. You'll find someone who you find attractive and it will probably be for different reasons than those which attracted you to your ex, since everyone is different.

[capricorn85]

I do not think you are shallow at all. You have high expectations and nothing is wrong with that. I am the same way. Since my break up I havent really met anyone that compares to my ex who was very good looking. It is annoying because sometimes I feel like I am being too picky, but if I am not attracted to someone then it causes a problem for me. I look at someone and if I notice something that I do not like then it is a major turn off and it has gotten worse since my ex broke up with me. Never lower your expectations because you will just waste your time and break someone's heart. On another note, do not compare these females to your ex, I have a tendency to do that and it got to the point where I wasnt attracted to anyone. Take time for yourself.

[teacup]

unfortunately looks arent everything. how many times have i learned this?

 

how many goodlooking frogs have i kissed and had to throw back in the pond because their slime was dripping on me? how many frogs that turned into toads and never ever princes?

[perseverance_rules]

well i know for a fact that its not all about looks. i dated someone for two years that at first i wasnt super attracted to physically, but as time went on i found myself liking everything about her. some people asked why i was with her, based on looks, because i had dated much better looking women in the past. its the total package that we fall for...it just so happens that your ex had the looks that initially drew you to her. get to know the woman first, youll be surprised at how your heart grows fond.

[healinginnyc81]

I have a hard time with that too, I have only had crushes on a handful of girls in my life. The only gf I've had was very beautiful.

I don't know exactly how to get over it but I have been told that part of the problem may be that I am not truly comfortable with my own self and so I look to others to give me a better impression of myself. By dating a very attractive girl, maybe I'm looking to feel better about how desirable I am.

[PocoDiablo]

Man, every ultra-hot woman I have meet has been absolutely PSYCHOTIC.

 

I don't date them any more. Besides, if she was so perfect, how come you broke up? I bet it didn't have anything to do with her looks, but more something about how she or you acted.