She's so Scared she's blocking everything off

[Sam-Fisher]

I started dating this girl 2 weeks ago. After the first week we had a chat at school and she was very insecure about the relationship. I promised we would go slow and that I would give her all the space she wants. Then another date came by during the weekend and this girl totally changes on weekends. She becomes very energetic and going. I can really feel that during weekdays she is so tense and @ home she gets very down and keeps herslf very busy not to start thinking.

 

Yday I had another chat with her and she said she can't do it anymore. She is so scared, of what she doesn't really know. But She said she don't want to keep on going with this relationship and finally would get hurt. "I can't do this", she said. The girl was so rigid and scared not even wanting to relax on me or hold my hand properly. I came to understand her and finnally she sat down on me, hugged me and thanked me for understanding her. I really wish to help her and get her going on in life. Don't think she gets much of support instead she makes herself busy to stop thinking.

 

Should I help her? IF so how? would acting normally and let her be make her wanting the relationship?

[RayKay]

It's never too early, or too late, to learn that if someone is "too scared" to even date you for a week, or two, they are definitely not someone at this point you should be getting overly involved with. To me, and in my experiences, they are basically saying that "they already know it's over before it starts". And when there is already drama a week in, it's a sign that the drama will only increase. And you don't need that kind of drama. What did she suddenly need lots of space for a week into it, or why is she scared? You were dating...you have not asked her to marry you or something! This is the getting to know you stage, not the push you away stage!

 

Don't you want to be with someone whom is EXCITED to be with you, whom can relax, and be comfortable and have fun with you? Whom you don't feel like you are constantly sorting through problems with?

 

You want a girlfriend, not to be someone's therapist.

 

I would say the BEST thing you can do, since you have minimal invested so far, is to walk away from this. Sure, you can keep light contact since you are around each other in school, but meet other girls, date other girls and don't put all your efforts into someone whom has rejected them before you even started.

[Dating Coach]

Sounds to me like it's more of an excuse. Regardless, her interest level in you is very low. I hope you move on rather than wasting your time persuing a dead end.

[goodquestion]

Yeah man, she has minimal, if any interest in you. I know it sounds weird, but don't waste your time. She's playing a push and pull game ... if she really wanted you, there would be none of that. You need to be with someone that wants to be with you, not someone you have to chase after, and beg after, like a small puppy. Find a chick that's cool with you ...

 

later,peace

[Sam-Fisher]

Thanks for your replies. I think m gonna end up walking away from the relationship as it was. But Lets say I want her to open up. It seems nobody is trying to help the girl, so I wish to do so. I know she had a long-term relationship which ended some 2yrs ago. But She still thinks a lot about it and acts bad when thinking of it. Its not about the other partner, but because of the actions themselves, hence being so fearful of another relationship.

 

How do you think I can support her and try to get her talking about it instead of constantly thinking and frustrating herself? I have tried to direct her to a counseller but it seems it needs more efort. I may need her to trust me more so that I can make her seek help more efficiently.

 

Thanks guys and gals.

[kristo]

Originally posted by Sam-Fisher

I have tried to direct her to a counseller but it seems it needs more efort

 

"You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink".... Move on as you intended, before you get hurt.